E-Mail Forwarded Joke Thread

[Perknose]

Hovering over this title with your mouse? Don't click, it's every bit the mediocrity pit you expected.

I'll start:

[FONT=Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back.
"Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed,
''Where are your testicles?''
The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam .''[/FONT]

 

[mundane]

..

 

[jlee]

lmfao...

 

[SlowSpyder]

Decided to see what my mom sent me today...




Subject: the paint job....


A blond teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes we've been getting by email lately." Later that day, the blond came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked. "Yes, the blond replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip. "And by the way, "the blond added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus"

 

[coldmeat]

if the porch goes all the way around the house, how would he not be able to see it wasn't painted? derp

 

[Anubis]

i forwarded the Best Joke Ever to a bunch of people at work. want me to paste it here?

 

[rivan]

i forwarded the Best Joke Ever to a bunch of people at work. want me to paste it here?

Nice Hootie and the Blowfish song, playing on your phone, Anubis