I know someone with an NEC ND1300A (well, I have one too), and they had some severe problems with DVDXCopy (I don't have that), it didn't properly recognize that drive, and wouldn't properly enable the "Burn-proof" feature, so it made coasters. From what I can see, that software doesn't look all that great, I recommend DVDDecrypter instead.
As for your Nero, when you select "Choose recorder", does the NEC show up in the list? I'm still using Nero 5.5.x.x, but it shows up fine for me, along with my Lite-On 52x CD-RW drive.
The drive itself shows up as a "compact disc" drive, under Windows' Explorer.exe in W2K, that's normal and fine. If you are trying to use it to drag-and-drop files to burn with it in Windows XP, then you need to make sure that the IMAPI service is started and running, and that you have enabled that drive for burning. You also need to have blank disc in the drive. You might also need some updates from Roxio, they provided the built-in CD-burning support in Windows XP. In fact, I don't know if that supports burning DVDs at all, it might only support CDs. I don't use that feature regardless, I just open Nero or Alcohol 120 when I want to burn something.