Well I was in the middle of the desert. Middle of the day, no toilet around. Walked way out so nobody could see me, couldn't hold it anymore. Dig hole, start process... Then every wheeled vehicle in my squadron drove by me in a convoy. I didn't stop. Horns were honking, people were yelling at me LOL. Good thing about the army is that everybody sort of looks alike, and I didn't let them catch my nametag LOL
MikeyIs4Dcats
Lifer
- Nov 5, 2001
- 18,367
- 3
- 0
At the start of my final year at high school my friend threw a party. There were many hot girls there--more then any other party I'd been to the few years previous.
I had drank a lot in the past and puked and stayed nearly coherent (first time drunk I had 12 oz of Captain Morgans nasty spiced rum and another 4 oz of some aweful white rum.) So when I showed up with 12 lime coolers I thought no prob, I'd finish them off. Only problem is that my stomach -hated- the lime stuff. I chugged and chugged and drank so fast. I had all 12 down in like 2 hours acting all hotshot-like in front of the chicks. I got so sick & messed up FAST.
I was feeling like crap so I went to his bathroom and was on the can. He has an older house so the door locks don't really work too well. So I'm sitting on the crapper and I feel sick. I look down and there are my pants. No buckets around and I just heave right into them (tried to aim for the bath tub but was too sloshed). All over my boxers and inside of my pants. This happened for like 5 minutes until I didn't think I had any left in me. Then I went to get up, slipped in my vomit and smacked the floor out cold with my pants around my ankles and face in my vomit. Did I mention I didn't wipe my ass at this point in time? So while I'm asleep umpteen girls apparently tried to use that washroom and found me in my mess (remember the door locks were crap).
Then I woke up (I had a strict 12:00 curfew) at around 2:00am, noticed the time and puked some more into my little pool by my face and fell back asleep. At around 4:00 my friends came upstairs cause my parents were out looking for me (never knew I was there). I tried to clean up (used his face towel to wipe up the vomit and rang it out a few times) and pulled my sopping wet pants back on. (Remember I puked in them and he had no toilet paper.) So I come sauntering down the stairs and all you can hear each step is "squish squish squish" and I remember my pants were all wet like I pissed myself (from the front view) and I had chunks of puke all over my face, chin, shirt and pants this was all in front of these hot chicks. Then I got out into my parents car (by this time they had found out from my sister and arrived to get me). I got into the car and the next day (end of August so it was HOT out still) my parents noticed all this sh!t from not wiping my ass cooking in the hot sun of the closed-windowed car.
The end. I win.
Edit: oh and that is why I only drink beer + stout and NO coolers, vodka, tequila or hard alcohol anymore--too many bad experiences over time.
I had drank a lot in the past and puked and stayed nearly coherent (first time drunk I had 12 oz of Captain Morgans nasty spiced rum and another 4 oz of some aweful white rum.) So when I showed up with 12 lime coolers I thought no prob, I'd finish them off. Only problem is that my stomach -hated- the lime stuff. I chugged and chugged and drank so fast. I had all 12 down in like 2 hours acting all hotshot-like in front of the chicks. I got so sick & messed up FAST.
I was feeling like crap so I went to his bathroom and was on the can. He has an older house so the door locks don't really work too well. So I'm sitting on the crapper and I feel sick. I look down and there are my pants. No buckets around and I just heave right into them (tried to aim for the bath tub but was too sloshed). All over my boxers and inside of my pants. This happened for like 5 minutes until I didn't think I had any left in me. Then I went to get up, slipped in my vomit and smacked the floor out cold with my pants around my ankles and face in my vomit. Did I mention I didn't wipe my ass at this point in time? So while I'm asleep umpteen girls apparently tried to use that washroom and found me in my mess (remember the door locks were crap).
Then I woke up (I had a strict 12:00 curfew) at around 2:00am, noticed the time and puked some more into my little pool by my face and fell back asleep. At around 4:00 my friends came upstairs cause my parents were out looking for me (never knew I was there). I tried to clean up (used his face towel to wipe up the vomit and rang it out a few times) and pulled my sopping wet pants back on. (Remember I puked in them and he had no toilet paper.) So I come sauntering down the stairs and all you can hear each step is "squish squish squish" and I remember my pants were all wet like I pissed myself (from the front view) and I had chunks of puke all over my face, chin, shirt and pants this was all in front of these hot chicks. Then I got out into my parents car (by this time they had found out from my sister and arrived to get me). I got into the car and the next day (end of August so it was HOT out still) my parents noticed all this sh!t from not wiping my ass cooking in the hot sun of the closed-windowed car.
The end. I win.
Edit: oh and that is why I only drink beer + stout and NO coolers, vodka, tequila or hard alcohol anymore--too many bad experiences over time.
Got caught making out with my gf...by her mother! The car was steamed from...the fog outside....and she was peering into the car window.
slightlyhuman
Lifer
- Oct 9, 1999
- 19,636
- 36
- 91
roflmao
good stuff there
my gf's mom is hot so if she ever saw me like that id hmmmmmmm,yum..... nm
Here's one I remember, no one saw me, but inside I felt so bad.
I was studying at the school library (UCSB). It have restrooms on almost every floor. I was on the 5th floor and needed to go badly #2. All the toilets were occupied so I ran down the stairs to the 4th floor and ran straight into the restroom. No one there, I went into a stall. Half way through, I hear girls walking in and talking. DOH! Realized I ran into the girl's room. The hardest part was trying to sneak out without being noticed. (Could've been 4th and 3rd floor, been a long time).
Damm them for putting the girl's room in exactly the same place that the boy's room should be. I mean on every other floor it was the same, but these two floors had to be different.
I was studying at the school library (UCSB). It have restrooms on almost every floor. I was on the 5th floor and needed to go badly #2. All the toilets were occupied so I ran down the stairs to the 4th floor and ran straight into the restroom. No one there, I went into a stall. Half way through, I hear girls walking in and talking. DOH! Realized I ran into the girl's room. The hardest part was trying to sneak out without being noticed. (Could've been 4th and 3rd floor, been a long time).
Damm them for putting the girl's room in exactly the same place that the boy's room should be. I mean on every other floor it was the same, but these two floors had to be different.
My most embarrassing moment as a child (young adult), while working on a surface grinder in Machine shop class (Sophomore) I forgot to engage the magnetic chuck, I started to surface grind the go/no go block and the grinding wheel exploded and threw the block halfway across the shop, the teacher ran over to me and rose my right hand and said to the class "THIS IS A FOOL".
As a fully grown and working adult, it had to be the day I forgot to reinstall the oil drain plug on a new Toyota Corona, I filled the engine with oil, it immediately drained out on the floor where I was standing and I subsequently took a nose dive right in front of my boss and the customer.
As a fully grown and working adult, it had to be the day I forgot to reinstall the oil drain plug on a new Toyota Corona, I filled the engine with oil, it immediately drained out on the floor where I was standing and I subsequently took a nose dive right in front of my boss and the customer.
I have two stories although they aren't too embarassing. First one was when I was about 11 and I was speed swimming. It was one of the last relay races and I dove in...and bam my speedo slipped right off. My coach had always said to just keep swimming if your suit came off. Well I managed to grab it before it slipped all the way off and went on to finish the race. It was underwater so it's not like people got a good look but people did see it come off.
Second would be back when I was 18 and my gf at the time were messing around in my room. My Mom walked in without knocking and saw that my pants were undone and managed to see the back of my gf's head in that region.
Second would be back when I was 18 and my gf at the time were messing around in my room. My Mom walked in without knocking and saw that my pants were undone and managed to see the back of my gf's head in that region.
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