done thanks

[narutofan36]

done thanks

 

[MikeMike]

pm me...

 

[FelixDeCat]

Usually most people would suggest doing your own homework, but with more colorful words. My hardest class was literature btw.

 

[Colt45]

i cannot.

 

[nonameo]

Usually most people would suggest doing your own homework, but with more colorful words. My hardest class was literature btw.

yeah but he's already written it, he just wants help.

 

[MikeMike]

Honestly, ill take a look at it, and give you some ideas...

 

[ManBearPig]

it sucks that im awesome at writing, but thats the least useful skill for my major. woopdie doo. good luck.

 

[FelixDeCat]

 

[MikeMike]

reading it now... feels like a lot of areas need citation, the salmon over fishing, you dont just know that... whered you read it, or was that whole paragraph from a single source? a few sentences seem to run on,

[FONT=&quot] Many companies are using the same techniques of buying in bulk to give pass its savings to its customers[/FONT]

wtf?

 

[octopus41092]

PM me I'll help.

 

[FelixDeCat]

reading it now... feels like a lot of areas need citation, the salmon over fishing, you dont just know that... whered you read it, or was that whole paragraph from a single source? a few sentences seem to run on,

[FONT=&quot]Many companies are using the same techniques of buying in bulk to give pass its savings to its customers[/FONT]

wtf?

But MikeMike, everyone knows that people can get good savings on alternator sized beef at Wal-Mart. In fact, they also have lots of butter on hand, you dont have to tip anybody, sell dug777 tshirts, dont carry Bose speakers and sell prawns by the bucketload.

 

[MikeMike]

Wow, i went back and re-read a paragraph... no wonder...

[FONT=&quot]
Wal-Mart is an unfair target for criticism. Many companies are using the same techniques of buying in bulk to give pass its savings to its customers. This push for inexpensive items has led many companies to manufacture their business in other countries like China where labor is cheap. (Reich, 2005) It is easy to blame Wal-Mart because it is the best at doing what other companies are also trying to accomplish. All this comes from the pressure of customers for bargains and sales. Countless number of internet shoppers will look for the cheapest item (Reich, 2005) This forces companies out of competition to make decisions that will cut cost. Even if it resorts to damaging the environment, the savings is passed down to the customers.[/FONT]

Buying in bulk... are we talking alternator sized bulk, or what?

 

[narutofan36]

sorry, i forgot to take it off from a previous draft

Wal-Mart is an unfair target for criticism. This push for inexpensive products has led companies to resort to cost cutting methods such as Wal-Mart. (Reich, 2005) It is easy to blame Wal-Mart because it is the best at doing what other companies are also trying to accomplish. All this comes from the pressure of customers seeking bargains and sales. Countless number of internet shoppers will look for the cheapest item (Reich, 2005) Companies will then seek possible methods to cut cost, even if it resorts to damaging the environment.

 

[MikeMike]

it just reads like BLAH... probably how i write too, but that's how it reads... choppy, blah, meh. perhaps D material...

 

[CRXican]

who really gets Fs? and as a freshman?

trade school time?

 

[narutofan36]

it just reads like BLAH... probably how i write too, but that's how it reads... choppy, blah, meh. perhaps D material...

thanks for your honestly..I dont understand what i can do to change it though to make it better.

 

[MikeMike]

different words, larger words, the last paragraph specifically sems like it just jumps around... i knw you are closing evrything, but it should all be linkable... im out though...

 

[Leros]

I don't know about your school, but my school has a writing center. You can take your essay and somebody (another student who is good at writing) will walk through it with you.

 

[BoomerD]

I don't know about your school, but my school has a writing center. You can take your essay and somebody (another student who is good at writing) will walk through it with you.

Yes indeed. Your school's writing center SHOULD be able to offer lots of help.

If this is a constant issue for you however, maybe you need to take a remedial writing/English class.
When I went back to school in 2007, I had been out of school almost 40 years. I had forgotten much of what I learned way back then...so I felt I needed to re-learn the nuts and bolts of writing.
It mayed a treemendus diffurense fur mee.

 

[Demo24]

sorry, i forgot to take it off from a previous draft

In conclusion I feel(unless you can't use first person) Wal-Mart is an unfair target for criticism. This push for inexpensive products has led other companies to resort to drastic cost cutting methods, such as those used by Wal-Mart. (Reich, 2005) It is easy to point the blame at Wal-Mart because it is often the best at doing what other companies are also trying to accomplish(that needs explanation, elaborate). All of this comes from the pressure of customers(I prefer consumers) seeking bargains and sales. Countless number of internet shoppers will simply look for the cheapest item (Reich, 2005). Companies will then seek all possible methods to cut costs, even if it resorts to damaging the environment.

I'm assuming this is your conclusion, as I haven't read it. But I decided I would put in red how I would try and write it. Of course I recommend the writing center as they will be best equipped to handle this. Above is just an example, but I suppose you can borrow some of it if you want.