Dog Training Question

[olds]

My neighbors dog barks and growls at me when I go near the fence between our properties. I assume this is to warn me that he is the alpha and I should stay away. It seems to me, the easiest way to remedy this is to show the dog that I am the alpha.
I know dogs send messages by aggression and mounting. So this is what I propose.

I will go over the fence, kick the shit out of the dog and then mount him. That ought to put the dog in his place. But is it a crime? I won't actually penetrate the dog so it's not a bestiality issue. Since this is how dogs communicate and I won't actually touch the neighbor, I don't see an issue. Except maybe trespassing.

BUT, dogs don't understand fences/boundaries as is apparent by this German Shepard barking all the fucking time.
So, since I am interacting with a dog that knows no boundaries and not the human inhabitants, I don't see the trespassing issue. The dog owns no property.

What do you guys think?

 

[slayer202]

i think this is a fail thread on all levels. not sure what you were going for, but it was a lame attempt

 

[dwell]

Really dumb OP.

To show you're the alpha dog you just don't give eye contact but get up in his space until he backs away then keep backing him up until he knows you're boss. You can also force him on his side and hold him in place until his will breaks.

 

[olds]

Really dumb OP.

To show you're the alpha dog you just don't give eye contact but get up in his space until he backs away then keep backing him up until he knows you're boss. You can also force him on his side and hold him in place until his will breaks.

Did you leave out a comma on purpose?
If I look over the fence at him, he hunches his shoulders and slinks away.

 

[Perknose]

I will go over the fence, kick the shit out of the dog and then mount him.

I find the short-term goals you have set for yourself and the gleeful enthusiasm with which you intend to pursue them a tad disturbing, but I refuse to judge.

And yet, I must say to you: Admit this is about your base personal desires and not merely some dispute over territory or dominance.

Just think of your wife and use protection. You don't know where that dog has been.

If the protection fails, please step up and raise the resulting litter as your own.

 

[PottedMeat]

No penetration? OP fails. This shows you're just playing around and next time the dog's going to show it's the boss.

 

[olds]

oldsmodog

 

[esquared]

oldsmodog

This is wrong on so many levels :hmm:

 

[olds]

The Administrator force is strong in this thread.
<--- runs away screaming

 

[dwell]

Did you leave out a comma on purpose?
If I look over the fence at him, he hunches his shoulders and slinks away.

Then climb over the fence and keep backing him up. It takes a while but all dogs break if you assert you're the boss. Don't treat them like humans because they're not. I don't know if you were kidding or not regarding mounting, but that won't work and you'll look like a dumb hillbilly.

 

[JD50]

Don't listen to dwell, definitely mount the dog. And don't be so shy about penetration, you really need to show this dog that you're the boss, maybe just the tip.

 

[JD50]

Make sure you take pictures and/or a video too.

 

[Perknose]

Make sure you take pictures and/or a video too.

PenisCam!

 

[IGBT]

try pizzing on the fence near where he likes to bark. He'll smell the stink and know your the man.

 

[Schfifty Five]

try pizzing on the fence near where he likes to bark. He'll smell the stink and know your the man.

I know that's a typo. I just don't know if you meant to type a "j" or "ss".

 

[IGBT]

I know that's a typo. I just don't know if you meant to type a "j" or "ss".

I'm on a anti profanity campaign so I disguise my profane tendencies.

 

[Perknose]

I'm on a anti profanity campaign so I disguise my profane tendencies.

Pissing, as a word, is more scatological than profane.

 

[IGBT]

Pissing, as a word, is more scatological than profane.

well, to get back to the OP's problem. I think he needs to piss on the fence to establish his territory.

 

[Perknose]

well, to get back to the OP's problem. I think he needs to piss on the fence to establish his territory.

The OP's problem goes much, much deeper than that. Have you seen his basement?

 

[thedarkwolf]

Treats are the easy way to stop that problem. Bribe the dog into liking you.

 

[SooperDave]

Shoot the fucking owner. If the dog doesn't figure out who is large and in charge after that than shoot it too.

 

[melchoir]

Then climb over the fence and keep backing him up. It takes a while but all dogs break if you assert you're the boss.

Not all dogs will back away. That line of thinking will definitely get you some stitches at minimum, sooner or later.

 

[BoomerD]

The OP's problem goes much, much deeper than that. Have you seen his basement?

And therein lies the solution. A visit by the dog to the basement SHOULD solve the problem.

Not only will the dog acknowledge Oldsmoboat as the Alpha dog, it will lie on it's back and beg to lick Oldsmoboat's balls every time it sees him.

 

[zerocool84]

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

This thread gave me a good laugh. You've been on a role lately Olds.

 

[dwell]

Not all dogs will back away. That line of thinking will definitely get you some stitches at minimum, sooner or later.

True, but most will. The number one rule is to have no emotion. They really can sense fear.