pontifex
Lifer
- Dec 5, 2000
- 43,804
- 46
- 91
I have one good friend that I talk to and do stuff with. Although I don't always tell him everything.
I just met with some friends from HS yesterday. Hadn't seen them in years. All they seem to want to do is play WoW though, and I'm pretty much over WoW. I did resubscribe and start playing again with them and its better than playing alone, but still, its not that much fun anymore.
I just met with some friends from HS yesterday. Hadn't seen them in years. All they seem to want to do is play WoW though, and I'm pretty much over WoW. I did resubscribe and start playing again with them and its better than playing alone, but still, its not that much fun anymore.
BoomerD
No Lifer
- Feb 26, 2006
- 66,432
- 14,840
- 146
I'm married to my best friend...corny, I know, but it's true. I have a few people I've worked with that I consider "friends" but not good friends...A bit more than acquaintences, but not anyone I'd trust to come through in a pinch.
That's fine with me, because I've always had the attitude that "A friend in need, is a pain in the a$$!"
That's fine with me, because I've always had the attitude that "A friend in need, is a pain in the a$$!"
I've got three friends who I always hang out with... my house has become "the place to be" so every night after work we watch movies, play games, get drunk, soak in the spa, etc...etc... but despite that, I don't truly "connect" with any of them. I did briefly date one of them for a month but we made better friends so we reverted back. In any case... I still feel alone a lot... I feel like I enjoy their company solely because the thought of being along petrifies me.
I would say I had a bunch of friends in High School. Some of them I couldn't stand to be around, but had to because if you are seeing these people every day, it's best not to start anything.
Now that I started college this year, you truly see who your friends are. I would say I have 3 extremely close friends, one is actually my ex-gf, and the other 2 are buddies of mine from high school. It's hard for us to all see each other at once since we are all in college, and we are all at different college around the state.
This Friday though I drove and picked them up so we could party at my house, back home. It was probably the best time I have had in my life.
I must say though you need at least ONE good friend. It is good to have contacts with people online, hell I even drove to Detroit to visit some online buddies last summer, but having human contact is a must. We are social beings, no matter how anti-social you may want to be or think you are. Just having someone there for you that you can lean back on when times get tough, or being there for them is a something I could not imagine being without.
Now that I started college this year, you truly see who your friends are. I would say I have 3 extremely close friends, one is actually my ex-gf, and the other 2 are buddies of mine from high school. It's hard for us to all see each other at once since we are all in college, and we are all at different college around the state.
This Friday though I drove and picked them up so we could party at my house, back home. It was probably the best time I have had in my life.
I must say though you need at least ONE good friend. It is good to have contacts with people online, hell I even drove to Detroit to visit some online buddies last summer, but having human contact is a must. We are social beings, no matter how anti-social you may want to be or think you are. Just having someone there for you that you can lean back on when times get tough, or being there for them is a something I could not imagine being without.
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
- Jun 7, 2000
- 9,099
- 19
- 81
A "true" friend is one that you can trust like a brother or sister, I agree. I fail to see the point in having a lot of friends, though... quality over quantity. A year ago I had absolutely *no* "true" friends... now I have several. I hadn't really thought about the status of my friendships in many months, but now it seems that there are quite a few people that I would not hesitate to declare a "true" friend, and I am entirely certain that they would do the same. That said... I probably have 10 friends that I see occasionally -- a few are coworkers; a few I've known for years, but have gotten closer to; and a few I've just met in the last six months, but circumstances were such that we immediately became friends.
IMHO, friendship quality is far more important than friendship quantity. I might go for a few weeks -- or months, in some cases -- without seeing a friend, but that doesn't make the quality of the friendship any less. I've kept very busy in the last few months, and haven't honestly had much time to spend with friends... but they all understand, and some are in similar circumstances, so we don't let it bother us that we might only see each other once every month or so. One friend in particular needs more TLC than the others, so I tend to go see him whenever I have a few minutes to spare, but... meh. I don't see the point in having a ton of friends. Just have a few close friends... and one is better than none. Start with one IRL, and more will come, in time.
</ramble>
You see, the friends you're talking about and the friends I'm talking about are two different things. 'Really close friends' are those that you know so well that that there is little to no bullshit or smalltalk. Furthermore, if you trust them, then there is absolutely no need to lie or to pretend you're something you're not, as these are things people employ when they deal with strangers.
I don't know...personally 6 hours of school is enough social activity for me. I like to be alone for the rest of the day. I haven't had a friend over in ages but I talk with friends everyday at school. I do agree with JLGatsby...these people seem more like acquaintances than real friends and they just do something because they have nothing else to do. Well, guess what, I like having nothing to do. When I have nothing to do I'll just model something up in Blender, sleep, or research LCDs.
When a stranger asks me for a dollar, I say I have none (generally same with random acquaintances). If they're close acquaintances and I'm in a good mood, I'll give them a dollar. If they're close friends (i.e. people I enjoy being with at all times) then I'd always give them a dollar. I have at least a couple people online that I truly trust, even though I've never seen their face. And, another couple in real life that I'd trust. The rest I'd just consider acquaintances but I doubt they'd hesitate being called friends.
When I have nothing to do I'll just model something up in Blender, sleep, or research LCDs. When a stranger asks me for a dollar, I say I have none (generally same with random acquaintances). If they're close acquaintances and I'm in a good mood, I'll give them a dollar. If they're close friends (i.e. people I enjoy being with at all times) then I'd always give them a dollar. I have at least a couple people online that I truly trust, even though I've never seen their face. And, another couple in real life that I'd trust. The rest I'd just consider acquaintances but I doubt they'd hesitate being called friends.
I am dubious about your friendlessness claim. Who then were you eating with on september fifteenth? What happened to the girl you ran into that day, eh?
Even so, analysis of the data has revealed the source of your problem: You were traumatized when you were about seventeen by your mother's constant accusations that your attempts to play games with your friends were really gatherings oriented towards the distribution of materials to be used in the senseless slaughter of kittens. This produced a sort of conditioning causing you to avoid playing innocent games with your real friends, leading you to spend more of your time drinking and (ironically) unleashing the wrath of God upon kittens.
You need to: 1. Quit beginning your meetings with women with lies. If they ask where your friends are, don't make up imaginary friends.
2. If you don't have any friends to go to bars with, why go to bars? What's the point? Wouldn't you have more fun at an arcade, or a lan party, or a M:TG tournament? Your hobbies include baseball, computer games, and going to bars and drinking. Seriously, focus on the games, not so much on the drinking. If you focus on the drinking, then you'll end up meeting more girls that only like you when they're drunk.
3?
DainBramaged
Lifer
- Jun 19, 2003
- 23,454
- 41
- 91
If I came across as a 'social butterfly' in my OP, then its because I wasn't specific enough, because that's not really the case. My view is that having a finite amount of time, a person can either spend lots of time with a few people, or a bit of time with lots of poeple, and I always take the former. To me at least, 1 good friendship is worth many, many superficial ones.
For example, I have 4 really close friends that I see at least once a week and I've known for an average of about 7 years (which is a lot, since I only came to Canada 10 years ago). Then there are another 6-7 friends that I don't see as often (perhaps once a month) and after that a bunch of aquaintances that come and go.
Now when you've known someone for that long and see them so often, the concept of bullshit largely goes away. Lies and pretensions are just protection mechanisms that poeple employ when dealing with strangers. My 'second thought' was that most poeple would probably be uncomfortable with that level of openness, so that's why they would not be so interested in 'real' friends.
I'm 16, and I have alot of 'friends', but sometimes I think i'm distant from everybody.
I just can't handle how everybody around me is so immature all the time, but I guess thats part of being in highschool.
There are two people I can really connect with, and they happen to be my best friend and my girlfriend.
I just can't handle how everybody around me is so immature all the time, but I guess thats part of being in highschool.
There are two people I can really connect with, and they happen to be my best friend and my girlfriend.
HamburgerBoy
Lifer
- Apr 12, 2004
- 27,111
- 318
- 126
Regs
Lifer
- Aug 9, 2002
- 16,666
- 21
- 81
Some people are late bloomers. Like myself.
You just have to remember that every one of us is on the same boat and we all need each other one way or another. We all have problems so don't single yourself out. It's how you handle the problems that could be unhealthy.
Most of the time it's because people are simply shy or just down on themselves. They take everything too seriously or personal and have a hard time making friends or fitting in because of that.
I broke out of my shell and made some friends though at the same time I made some enemies. But there will always be haters. If you live life trying to stay out of the way of everybody - trouble will find you. And here you are, saying that you're lonely. So what would rather have? A social life or a life of boredom and simplicity? Just go with the flow.
You just have to remember that every one of us is on the same boat and we all need each other one way or another. We all have problems so don't single yourself out. It's how you handle the problems that could be unhealthy.
Most of the time it's because people are simply shy or just down on themselves. They take everything too seriously or personal and have a hard time making friends or fitting in because of that.
I broke out of my shell and made some friends though at the same time I made some enemies. But there will always be haters. If you live life trying to stay out of the way of everybody - trouble will find you. And here you are, saying that you're lonely. So what would rather have? A social life or a life of boredom and simplicity? Just go with the flow.
theeedude
Lifer
- Feb 5, 2006
- 35,787
- 6,197
- 126
I don't have any local friends at the moment. I had some, they moved away or got married and do different things.
Yeah, it's problematic going to places like bars, but it's also liberating in a way because you don't have to worry about the kind of chicks you hit on since your friends aren't there to see it
Yeah, it's problematic going to places like bars, but it's also liberating in a way because you don't have to worry about the kind of chicks you hit on since your friends aren't there to see it
That sounds a lot like me. Except I don't and have never gone to a bar. It's a vicious circle. I'm embarrassed by this lack of friendship to the point where I am distanced towards others because I don't want anybody in the real world to know what my life is like. And that distance prevents me from having friends. Only in the animonity of the internet can I talk about stuff I can never talk about in real life.
Luckily for me, I am basically an introverted person so this hasn't caused me a great deal of unhappiness.
It does cause me to have some anxiety in that I am constantly worried about situations where people will find out about me. For example, one of the things I worry about is my work -- what happens if they ask me to get a clearance? How will they react if I can't give any friend's names as references? What if I get sick? What happens if I need outpatient surgury? Who could drive me home? Recently I've driven my parents home from such surgury but my parents are getting too old for me to count on them in such an event for me. And I'm at an age where I am starting to think about stuff like that. My reasonably good health ain't gonna last forever.
In real life I am a very private person -- I don't talk about my private life at all -- only work related stuff because I have nothing to really talk about. And because of this I am very uncomfortable in social situations.
Luckily for me, I am basically an introverted person so this hasn't caused me a great deal of unhappiness.
It does cause me to have some anxiety in that I am constantly worried about situations where people will find out about me. For example, one of the things I worry about is my work -- what happens if they ask me to get a clearance? How will they react if I can't give any friend's names as references? What if I get sick? What happens if I need outpatient surgury? Who could drive me home? Recently I've driven my parents home from such surgury but my parents are getting too old for me to count on them in such an event for me. And I'm at an age where I am starting to think about stuff like that. My reasonably good health ain't gonna last forever.
In real life I am a very private person -- I don't talk about my private life at all -- only work related stuff because I have nothing to really talk about. And because of this I am very uncomfortable in social situations.
I had tons of friends where I grew up, but I moved across the country this year. Slowly but surely though, my circle of friends is growing to a reasonable level where im not going insane without anything to do.
I'm one of those people that needs a lot of friends cause i'm always looking to do something or hang out. Without friends, i'd go crazy.
I'm one of those people that needs a lot of friends cause i'm always looking to do something or hang out. Without friends, i'd go crazy.
Right now, one reason why I would want friends is to be able to get a bigger HDTV. Since I have to setup and deliver it all by myself in a Ford Focus, I might be limited to a 32 incher. And I really wanted something bigger to compensate for one of my shortcomings.
clamum
Lifer
- Feb 13, 2003
- 26,256
- 406
- 126
Nice post, Regs.
I'm not a very social person but I've always had a group of about 6-8 close friends that I hang out with. I don't know what I'd do without them... probably wouldn't want to do anything, really.
Do you go to school (high school or college)? You can meet people there. Just be nice and relax, and make a joke or something. Like Regs said, go with the flow.
I'm not a very social person but I've always had a group of about 6-8 close friends that I hang out with. I don't know what I'd do without them... probably wouldn't want to do anything, really.
Do you go to school (high school or college)? You can meet people there. Just be nice and relax, and make a joke or something. Like Regs said, go with the flow.
I've got about a hundred "friends"
Dozens of friends
And about 5 real real friends.
Even with all those people to hang out with I still spend the majority(70%) of my free time by myself. Mainly because my real real friends are with the "friends".
That and all my friends and I do is sit around watching the idiot box, drinking and smoking dank. I'm trying to be productive to make something of myself and those two situations are usually mutually exclusive.
Dozens of friends
And about 5 real real friends.
Even with all those people to hang out with I still spend the majority(70%) of my free time by myself. Mainly because my real real friends are with the "friends".
That and all my friends and I do is sit around watching the idiot box, drinking and smoking dank. I'm trying to be productive to make something of myself and those two situations are usually mutually exclusive.
This seems to be a disturbing trend in this thread. Overall I find this an extremely depressing thread but these comments in particular are very disturbing. I'm 21 years old and have a core group of very good friends, mostly older than me (22 - 29). Many of my best mates are now in serious relationships and will very likely get married in the next couple of years.
Are you guys saying that when someone gets married they basically ditch all of their friends? I sincerely hope this isn't the case because my friends are like brothers to me and I couldn't stand to lose them if they got married. Even now with their long term girlfriends I see much less of them than I used to, I'd hate to lose them completely
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