• Guest, The rules for the P & N subforum have been updated to prohibit "ad hominem" or personal attacks against other posters. See the full details in the post "Politics and News Rules & Guidelines."

Do you have a best friend?

Page 2 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.

lokiju

Lifer
May 29, 2003
18,536
5
0
I have a few really good friends but not a best friend other than my fiancee.
 
L

Lola

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
Originally posted by: LolaWiz
my husband.
i tell him everything, we are there for each other when great things happen and when we need someone to lean on. If that is not the definition of a best friend, i don't know what is.
I would never cheapen my wife's status by referencing her in the friend category....even best friend.
How is that cheapening anything? I actually find it to be much more endearing than just calling her "wife" or calling him "husband."
Calling somebody a best friend is like calling one car sleeker looking than another.....it's a judgement based on a category. You wouldn't say a Saab Griffin is the sleekest looking car, right? I'm saying my wife isn't even in the category.
I would never say that that is cheapening him... EVER. He plays two equally important roles in my life. It is amazing to have your best friend be your spouse. thats how i feel.
 

Ninjja

Golden Member
Sep 4, 2003
1,552
0
0
yeah, i guess they are my best friends because they just know me so well and know what I'm thinking. I find that my best friends really pay attention to the small details about me and those are the things that set them apart from my other friends. After being friends for nearly 10 years, we've managed to grow and do our own thing but still be there for one another. I feel relaxed when I am around them.
 

dug777

Lifer
Oct 13, 2004
24,778
3
0
So you're saying those of us who have a best mate who isn't our SO are somehow bad people? Lesser beings? :roll:

I consider my gf to be my gf, which inherently means to me that i love her & trust & enjoy spending time with her...
 

dug777

Lifer
Oct 13, 2004
24,778
3
0
besides which, love is what binds you to your SO at the most basic level, not mateship.

To me the fact that if you break up with your SO, you will no longer be 'best mates' with that person (for 99% of people, and not strangely so), suggests that they are in an entirely different 'grouping' to my 'best mate'...

if that made any sense at all. If you have no really good mates beside your SO i can understand it tho...
 

pclstyle

Platinum Member
Apr 14, 2004
2,364
0
0
Originally posted by: dug777
So you're saying those of us who have a best mate who isn't our SO are somehow bad people? Lesser beings? :roll:

I consider my gf to be my gf, which inherently means to me that i love her & trust & enjoy spending time with her...

mm, you might end learn the hard way that it's good to have some close friends to support you and keep you on the the straight and narrow, especially when things aren't going perfectly between you and your SO. it's way too easy to succumb to emotions, stress, or simple boredom without someone there who actually cares about you, watching your back. In most cases, sure it'll be your SO. but sometimes it won't be, because of simple circumstance -- and you'll need a different way to keep yourself emotionally sober.


i don't have a best friend, but i do have an SO. and there's more than a few times when i see the benefit of someone who can be on the sidelines, give you an objective opinion, let you know when you're fvcked up and when you're not. and please don't spew any of that bullsh!t about "no one understands us but each other cause we know each other so well and we're so damn unique snowflakes melt before they touch our skin".

a best friend doesn't have to be a friggin project, you don't have to keep them happy or pamper to their desires, they're not your SO. they're just that rare individual who actually gives a sh!t about what's best for you, and aren't afraid to tell you what it is and why. they don't exist to provoke or revel in your drama, and they're sure as hell not there to help you eiffel tower some hooker you picked up because you're in a bad rut with your girlfriend.
 

dug777

Lifer
Oct 13, 2004
24,778
3
0
Originally posted by: pclstyle
Originally posted by: dug777
So you're saying those of us who have a best mate who isn't our SO are somehow bad people? Lesser beings? :roll:

I consider my gf to be my gf, which inherently means to me that i love her & trust & enjoy spending time with her...

mm, you might end learn the hard way that it's good to have some close friends to support you and keep you on the the straight and narrow, especially when things aren't going perfectly between you and your SO. it's way too easy to succumb to emotions, stress, or simple boredom without someone there who actually cares about you, watching your back. In most cases, sure it'll be your SO. but sometimes it won't be, because of simple circumstance -- and you'll need a different way to keep yourself emotionally sober.


i don't have a best friend, but i do have an SO. and there's more than a few times when i see the benefit of someone who can be on the sidelines, give you an objective opinion, let you know when you're fvcked up and when you're not. and please don't spew any of that bullsh!t about "no one understands us but each other cause we know each other so well and we're so damn unique snowflakes melt before they touch our skin".

a best friend doesn't have to be a friggin project, you don't have to keep them happy or pamper to their desires, they're not your SO. they're just that rare individual who actually gives a sh!t about what's best for you, and aren't afraid to tell you what it is and why. they don't exist to provoke or revel in your drama, and they're sure as hell not there to help you eiffel tower some hooker you picked up because you're in a bad rut with your girlfriend.
That's exactly what i was trying to get at...i think :beer:
 

secretanchitman

Diamond Member
Apr 11, 2001
9,349
18
91
my gf. she was my best friend before we went out. she still is my best friend now.

shes so awesome...ill never forget her ever.
 

WhoBeDaPlaya

Diamond Member
Sep 15, 2000
7,411
395
126
'Lil bro and dad. I have a semi-pessimistic view of life - friendship outside the family is conditional (scratch your back if you'll scratch mine - in the future/right now), whereas family is unconditional.
 

Dragoon42

Platinum Member
Oct 2, 2000
2,078
0
0
Originally posted by: Josh123
One is my current GF and the other is a guy i've know since 7th grade, pretty much my other brother.


QFT, I'm missing out on the gf right now. But i pretty much have an adopted brother
 

CarlKillerMiller

Diamond Member
Jul 14, 2003
3,099
0
0
I don't think I really ahve one, but I do have a few really good friends. I classify them as that because I'll share anything with them, which I'm loathe to do with most other friends. Some secrets stay buried.
 

CtK

Diamond Member
Feb 22, 2001
5,136
1
81
i think i have a "best friend"
if its possible to have a female "best friend" ;)

EDIT: shes really annoying and theres nothing i wouldnt do 4 her even if she did ignore me on my bday :p
 

Kyanzes

Golden Member
Aug 26, 2005
1,082
0
76
I have a lot of hollow relationships, but no friends at all. Had to serve some time because of someone I considered a best friend when I was a lot more naive than I'm now.
 

Zysoclaplem

Diamond Member
Sep 26, 2003
8,803
0
0
Originally posted by: Kyanzes
I have a lot of hollow relationships, but no friends at all. Had to serve some time because of someone I considered a best friend when I was a lot more naive than I'm now.
Oh my. What happened?
 

Kyanzes

Golden Member
Aug 26, 2005
1,082
0
76
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: Kyanzes
I have a lot of hollow relationships, but no friends at all. Had to serve some time because of someone I considered a best friend when I was a lot more naive than I'm now.
Oh my. What happened?
Nope. This thread is not about me. :) Also, a LOT of people had seen prison walls from the inside. Not a big deal. It's really irrelevant. What counts is that - as I'm sure many people here experienced something like it - I couldn't count on someone I thought (I believed) I could.
 

bacon333

Senior member
Mar 12, 2003
524
0
0
I have two best friends, I've known one of them for about 10 years and the other for about 12 years.

What makes them my best friends:
1. Drove me 100 miles to school and back on the same night because my car got totaled.
2. Didn't ask any questions when I told them I needed to borrow a few thousand dollars.
3. Didn't hesitate to back me up during a brawl.
4. Always covered the bill when I didn't have enough money.

Of course it works the other way around as well but those are a few reason why they're my best friends.
 

Kyanzes

Golden Member
Aug 26, 2005
1,082
0
76
Originally posted by: GeekDrew
Nope, don't really have one. :(
You seem a bit sad about it. Don't know, having a friend also means a certain responsibility. I know it's probably a bit far fetched of an analogy (but you don't have a very good friend anyway), but consider this: you have a dog, and you have to take care of it. But people change, and one day you may think, that you don't really want the dog anymore. To have it killed (by a specialist I mean) is a *bit* harsh. I mean you had the dog for a while, so it's quite hard if not impossible to do. You can't release it to the wilderness either, couldn't take care of itself, not even legal I guess so it's, again, a not very efficient solution. Give it away? But the dog is fond of you, maybe spent too much time with you also, and perhaps it would be quite hard for it to adapt to the habits of a possible new owner. Or maybe nobody wants it. So what? You (likely) end up keeping the dog even though you don't really want it (you are too lazy to take care of it / spend too much time away from home / simply changed and not interested in it anymore / you have a GF/BF who doesn't like it / etc.). Of course you can simply end a relation when it comes to people. Easy. Is it? Nope, at least not for me. Even thoguh there are people in my past I had relation with - and those relations are now non-existent - I keep thinking about them sometimes. Some of them even calls me now and then. But I don't want their friendship anymore. How can you tell them that? Well, I tried, doesn't work. There is an end to common interests, there comes a time when everything's been said, nothing left to share, old things keep coming up and you feel the relation is tired. And you feel bad about ending the relation, but... what else to do? People at least can be abandoned, they can take care of themselves. But it still hurts sometimes. --->>> So having friends my affect your life a lot longer than the time those relationships lasted. I'm not sure if you lose a lot by choosing not to have friends. Or not finding one.

Don't even try to count the grammatical mistakes, english is but a hobby of mine (sci-fi books), so i'm permitted to make them, hehe :)
 

GeekDrew

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2000
9,098
13
81
Originally posted by: Kyanzes

You seem a bit sad about it. Don't know, having a friend also means a certain responsibility. I know it's probably a bit far fetched of an analogy (but you don't have a very good friend anyway), but consider this: you have a dog, and you have to take care of it. But people change, and one day you may think, that you don't really want the dog anymore. To have it killed (by a specialist I mean) is a *bit* harsh. I mean you had the dog for a while, so it's quite hard if not impossible to do. You can't release it to the wilderness either, couldn't take care of itself, not even legal I guess so it's, again, a not very efficient solution. Give it away? But the dog is fond of you, maybe spent too much time with you also, and perhaps it would be quite hard for it to adapt to the habits of a possible new owner. Or maybe nobody wants it. So what? You (likely) end up keeping the dog even though you don't really want it (you are too lazy to take care of it / spend too much time away from home / simply changed and not interested in it anymore / you have a GF/BF who doesn't like it / etc.). Of course you can simply end a relation when it comes to people. Easy. Is it? Nope, at least not for me. Even thoguh there are people in my past I had relation with - and those relations are now non-existent - I keep thinking about them sometimes. Some of them even calls me now and then. But I don't want their friendship anymore. How can you tell them that? Well, I tried, doesn't work. There is an end to common interests, there comes a time when everything's been said, nothing left to share, old things keep coming up and you feel the relation is tired. And you feel bad about ending the relation, but... what else to do? People at least can be abandoned, they can take care of themselves. But it still hurts sometimes. --->>> So having friends my affect your life a lot longer than the time those relationships lasted. I'm not sure if you lose a lot by choosing not to have friends. Or not finding one.
I'm gonna skip the dog bit... I don't think that a human/human relationship is in any way comparable to that of a human/canine relationship.

I think that just about everything in life requires some amount of responsibility -- maintaining relationships being a somewhat significant amount of responsibility. If I'm not certain that I can handle the responsibility associated with whatever item or relationship it is I want, then I generally avoid it. I think of very few people as friends -- let alone best friends -- simply because I don't care all that much about most people. If I refer to someone as a friend, then that's saying a lot. If I were to refer to someone as a best friend, that's saying a tremendous amount.

IMHO, someone should have a very close friend (whether they consider them a friend or best friend or whatever they choose) in addition to a partner (boyfriend/girlfriend/etc). If I were in a relationship, I don't believe that I could ever refer to anyone other than my partner as my best friend, even if there were someone that I was very close to, that could otherwise be considered a best friend.

I guess I'm picky about terminology or something.

I've been in friendships where I've become uncomfortable, and fortunately, the other person pretty much came to the same conclusion, and it naturally dissolved. In the cases that it's not a mutual feeling, I have a very hard time with ending a friendship. I've needed to end a friendship for quite some time now (because it's taking a serious toll on me) but I'm simply unable to do so. When I start to consider someone a close friend, I make a promise to that friend, and to myself, that I'll be there for the friend, whenever needed, no matter what otherwise might happen, and that I'll do my best to look out for the other person's best interests, as well as my own. I've broken a lot of promises to a lot of people... but I refuse to break promises as serious as that.

I've had two different "best friends" in my life, and I value the time I was a close friend to them quite a bit, and they both definitely helped me through a lot of stuff, and certainly changed my life. Be the net result positive or negative, having a bes friend is *always* worth it. Finding someone worthy of that designation, though, is where I stumble. ;)

</soapbox>
 

Journer

Banned
Jun 30, 2005
4,355
0
0
other than my g/f for obvious reasons...i have 3 'best' friends...

freint1: guy, known him since 6th grade...always been able to openly talk with him about anything...always good to hang with...brings more to the table than regular friends?
friend2: guy, known since 11th grade...off the bat we were perfect matches for buddies. same interest...same views on almost all subjects...very open minded, etc.
friend2: girl, known since 11th grade...pretty much the same people...though out views differ a lot on political and things like that, we can talk and confide in each other on just about anything...always a joy to hang with
 

ASK THE COMMUNITY