Do you guys think divorce was a good idea?

[her209]

With the divorce rate currently at 51% or so, do you guys think allowing divorces are a good or bad thing? I mean, whatever happened to for better or for worse? While I agree that its not psycologically healthy for a child to see the parents constantly verbally/physically attacking one another, it doesn't do a child any good to be caught in the middle. I have a lot of friends who hold a lot of resentment towards their parents because their split up.

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

I voted good, as women need to be able to get rid of abusive partners, and when love dies out people need to be able to move on.

I don't approve of the Hollywood way of doing it, marrying with 365 different partners per year (why bother? just have bloody casual sex!).

 

[SoylentGreen]

Stop the divorce rate!

DON'T GET MARRIED

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: Skyclad1uhm1
why bother? just have bloody casual sex!

Ewww...

 

[HappyPuppy]

Originally posted by: Skyclad1uhm1
I voted good, as women need to be able to get rid of abusive partners, and when love dies out people need to be able to move on.

I don't approve of the Hollywood way of doing it, marrying with 365 different partners per year (why bother? just have bloody casual sex!).

Rather a one sided observation, isn't it? Don't men need to be able to get rid of abusive partners as well?

 

[FoBoT]

people that vote "good", don't have any kids please


the kid factor is the problem, if its just two people that change thier minds, its only the two of them affected, but if they have kids and then decide to change everything, they are ripping those kids world apart

i don't have a link , but the statistics i "hear" are that kids of divorced parents are much more likely to get into drugs and crimes and other problems, so i think there are some people with kids that should delay the divorce until the kids get older, tough it out until the kids go off on their own

 

[GTaudiophile]

Well, my parents divorced three years ago after 26 years of marriage. My mom now wishes she had worked harder to save the marriage and often regrets the divorce. So, maybe it should be like union negotiations with a "cooling off" period first. I think it is often too easy. So easy that the "marriage contract" really doesn't mean much anymore.

 

"Stop the divorce rate!

DON'T GET MARRIED"

LOL! That's what I was thinking too. Oh my!

In any case, I really do have trouble seeing myself bring children into this world and put them through hell growing up without mummy and daddy together. Hence, I want to be sure of myself. And part of being sure is making my relationship one that even if we split up (emotionally), we would always be friends and know what is healthy for the kids. What's healthy for the kids? We'll put up a smile and raise them together until they hit 18. I know all of this love noise people make, but not everything in life is about "love". Love is arguably a necessary condition, but it's not a sufficient condition. When I have kids, it's time for me to give up some very selfish interests. And this is one of them. It wasn't they who made my decision for which they're a product. They deserve to have both possible worlds.

That said, there's an exception: There are some crazy relationships. If somehow one got involved in a terribly messed up relationship (i.e., argument everyday, fights, verbal or physical abuses) and neither is mature enough to put on a smile and work things together, then it is best they split up. That environment just isn't right for any sane kid. They will pick up the bad habits and even they would wish their parents would split.

 

[DonaldC]

I don't think forcing people to stay married just because they have children is right.

 

[wyvrn]

I think this is a good point, though you don't want to make divorce impossible. Sometimes it's better for people to go their separate ways and start over. Maybe the law could be that you have to wait 120 days after filing before coming eligible, or something like that to give people time to rethink their choices.

I don't think you can label divorce as merely good or bad. Obviously it's not something we all desire, but I think there are good and legitimate reasons for divorce. And I think the socially negative stigma of divorce is not always fair to people that sometimes just make mistakes as we all do.

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile
Well, my parents divorced three years ago after 26 years of marriage. My mom now wishes she had worked harder to save the marriage and often regrets the divorce. So, maybe it should be like union negotiations with a "cooling off" period first. I think it is often too easy. So easy that the "marriage contract" really doesn't mean much anymore.

 

[WhoDeeny]

Ok, its like this: Divorce can be good if there are irreconsiliable diffferences, but it isn't good if you're only doing it to avoid problems. Such as getting married @ 18 b/c you think you know everything, then finding out that you don't and trying to divorce your way out of it later. But to simply chalk divorce itself up as a good or bad thing is stupid and merely simplifying a complex issue. It depends more on the circumstances whether or not its a good or bad thing.

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

Originally posted by: HappyPuppy

Originally posted by: Skyclad1uhm1
I voted good, as women need to be able to get rid of abusive partners, and when love dies out people need to be able to move on.

I don't approve of the Hollywood way of doing it, marrying with 365 different partners per year (why bother? just have bloody casual sex!).

Rather a one sided observation, isn't it? Don't men need to be able to get rid of abusive partners as well?

Naah. (You can read people instead of women if you want to.)

Most Hollywood marriages do not mean anything, that's why I say in their case casual sex would be better. If you don't marry for love, why else would you want to?

My parents divorced after decades of having a loveless relationship. My mum remarried and is now happier than ever before.

 

[Yossarian]

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile
So, maybe it should be like union negotiations with a "cooling off" period first.

There is, it's called separation. Usually you can't just get a divorce quickly, especially for a long marriage like that. The judge will mandate a separation period first.

 

"There is, it's called separation. Usually you can't just get a divorce quickly, especially for a long marriage like that. The judge will mandate a separation period first."

I wish! The truth is separation is for that purpose theoretically, but practically people aren't doing that. Instead of deliberating and trying to work things out during that period, the men are busy with their so-called gfs (appropriately mistresses) whilst the women are busy with their so-called bfs; and planning ahead of time a quick divorce. Only in rare cases do you actually find people who take their time to work things out. And often, those ones who put much effort realise that the whole struggle is one-sided. The other isn't willing to put the effort too.

 

[djheater]

I have a pretty much pat answer for these posts. One writer expressed it better than any but I'll quote two because I recently "rediscovered" one and am urrently enamored of it.

#1
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

#2
Believe me if all those
Endearing young charms
Which I gaze on so fondly today
Were to change by tomorrow
And fleet in my arms,
Like fairy gifts fading away
Thou would'st still be adored
As this moment thou art
Let thy loveliness fade as it will
And around the dear ruin
Each wish of my heart
Would entwine itself
Verdantly still.

It is not while beauty
And youth are thine own
And thy cheeks
Unprofaned by a tear
That the ferver and faith
Of a soul can be known
To which time will but
Make thee more dear
No the heart that has truly loved
Never forgets
But as truly loves
On to the close
As the sunflower turns
On her god when he sets
The same look which
She'd turned when he rose.

 

[BDawg]

I think it's bad that it should be so easy to get in to and out of a commitment for life.

My pastor made my wife and me go through 3 months of pre-marriage counseling before he would marry us. Everyone should have to go through something like that.

 

[pulse8]

I don't think the problem is that it's too easy to get a divorce, I think the problem is that it's too easy to get married.

 

[woodie1]

Originally posted by: pulse8
I don't think the problem is that it's too easy to get a divorce, I think the problem is that it's too easy to get married.

BINGO!

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: luvly
What's healthy for the kids? We'll put up a smile and raise them together until they hit 18. I know all of this love noise people make, but not everything in life is about "love". Love is arguably a necessary condition, but it's not a sufficient condition. When I have kids, it's time for me to give up some very selfish interests. And this is one of them. It wasn't they who made my decision for which they're a product. They deserve to have both possible worlds.

there you go, great answer

love is for kids (meaning young people/early romances), adults realize that being responsible for the kids they brought into the world is more important. too many selfish people today

 

[McPhreak]

Originally posted by: WhoDeeny
Ok, its like this: Divorce can be good if there are irreconsiliable diffferences, but it isn't good if you're only doing it to avoid problems. Such as getting married @ 18 b/c you think you know everything, then finding out that you don't and trying to divorce your way out of it later. But to simply chalk divorce itself up as a good or bad thing is stupid and merely simplifying a complex issue. It depends more on the circumstances whether or not its a good or bad thing.

I think WhoDeeny is right on the mark. My parents got divorced when I was at a VERY young age and I think it's a good thing because I know they were never made for each other to begin with. Too many differences. Both have now been very happily married for the past 20-some-odd years and are very successful in their respective careers. Hence, "coping" with the divorce was not hard at all for me. However, whether it's good or bad all depends on the situation. There is no absolute answer.

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: FoBoT

Originally posted by: luvly
What's healthy for the kids? We'll put up a smile and raise them together until they hit 18. I know all of this love noise people make, but not everything in life is about "love". Love is arguably a necessary condition, but it's not a sufficient condition. When I have kids, it's time for me to give up some very selfish interests. And this is one of them. It wasn't they who made my decision for which they're a product. They deserve to have both possible worlds.

there you go, great answer

love is for kids (meaning young people/early romances), adults realize that being responsible for the kids they brought into the world is more important. too many selfish people today

I know a few people who've gotten divorces and the kids turned out just fine. I don't see getting a divorce as being selfish. You can get a divorce and make yourself happy and still raise a happy, well-adjusted kid. It just takes more effort.

 

[djheater]

perhaps it is because, for many reasons, the nature of commitment is taken to lightly. There is an element of self-sacrifice in any relationship. It is the immature who are not willing or able to see this as positive growth.

When we put our own interests first it is to be expected that confined by that self-imposed boundary we cannot grow with anyone. That being so, it is inevitable we will grow apart from them. A succesfull relationship is based, in part, on the willingness of both (or all) parties to grow as the relationship does and not maintain individuality at all costs.

 

[dirtboy]

Good. You obviously have never been married my ex-wife, who was a lieing deceitful bitch. It's a good thing for divorce or else I would have been suck with her eternally and been miserable for the rest of my life.

EDIT: We didn't have kids either. After we got married and I saw the kind of person she really was, I made every excuse not to have kids.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: dirtboy
Good. You obviously have never been married my ex-wife, who was a lieing deceitful bitch. It's a good thing for divorce or else I would have been suck with her eternally and been miserable for the rest of my life.

EDIT: We didn't have kids either. After we got married and I saw the kind of person she really was, I made every excuse not to have kids.

Your name says it all

 

Pulse8, I agree with your statement that marriage should not be made so easy. However, in cases where marriage has indeed occurred: how many cases do you know where there wasn't a period where the divorced couple couldn't see eye to eye and there was tension? Even those cases you cite are more than likely cases where the couples resorted to divorce before making any efforts. And then they finally paused to deliberate and see how they could work together for the kids whilst they're apart. Had it never gotten to their senses, those kids would be immensely affected. And guess what? Often we don't observe things in people because they aren't external/physical. But we don't know what internal torture or how much the kids wish they had a better life with two parents intact. Usually, this reflects in their own marriage choices and success, as it often results in failure too. They had imitated their parents' paths subconsciously.

And yes, divorcing because you don't feel so-called love for someone anymore and for other similar reasons is without a doubt selfishness in action when you do have kids in the picture.

"Good. You obviously have never been married my ex-wife, who was a lieing deceitful bitch. It's a good thing for divorce or else I would have been suck with her eternally and been miserable for the rest of my life."

Dirtyboy, your case is an easy one. Her209 was asking about people with kids. You guys had no kids, which apparently was a good thing. There's a big difference. Divorce would be no problem if many couples did as you were wise enough to do: Have no babies. When babies come in the picture, then it's very different. And it's plain selfish to divorce for lack of "love" between you two when there's no endangerment of any kind, which is the primary factor in most divorce cases.