Do you get depressed when things aren't going well in a relationship?

[Sir Fredrick]

Just wondering whether or not it's normal to get somewhat depressed when a long term relationship starts heading down the tubes.

 

[Czar]

Yes, but when that happens the most important thing you can do if you are depressed is look for support from the one you are with. If you get support you know its allright and it was just in your head. If you dont get support then you two need to talk.

 

[Sir Fredrick]

I wish it was in my head.
Things haven't been very good for a while, and it's been bothering me for quite a while but I kept it to myself and hoped it would get better.

I finally talked to her about it and we're sort of trying to work things out (but it's not looking too good). She's of the opinion that even if we do end up breaking up or something, there's no reason to be depressed about it.
But I'm the kind of guy who needs to be in a good relationship with someone who really cares, or I get in a rut.

 

[mdennison]

Unless it's "the one" then move on. Thinking about it too much(or negative self talk) is not good for you.

I say this based on the little bit of info you've given(and personal experience).

 

[pulse8]

Why WOULDN'T you get depressed??

 

[Tauren]

Hell yes! Try getting divorced. I wanted it and then I got so depressed I couldn't eat and looked like a skeleton. This went on for about 3 months until I came to grips with my guilt.

 

[bastula]

<< Yes, but when that happens the most important thing you can do if you are depressed is look for support from the one you are with. If you get support you know its allright and it was just in your head. If you dont get support then you two need to talk. >>



ditto.

 

[Sir Fredrick]

<< Unless it's "the one" then move on. Thinking about it too much(or negative self talk) is not good for you.

I say this based on the little bit of info you've given(and personal experience). >>




Sorry for not giving tons of information, I'm not one for spilling my guts all over the forum (that even sounds gross).
Anyway, I was pretty sure that she was "the one" until recently. We've been together about 2 years, and I actually moved halfway across the country to be closer to her (it had been a LD relationship for a while).

 

[Juniper]

Wow, Sir Fred, that sounds pretty serious from your part. Why dun't you give it some more time? Me and my bf have been having horrible fights in the past, but the great thing is that if you get across that obstacle and if you both try to compromise so that it won't happen again, things go smoothly afterwards, and you'd think 'that was stupid!'. Good Luck with your Girl, and keep us posted

 

[StageLeft]

This is natural and to be expected.

 

[Sir Fredrick]

<< Wow, Sir Fred, that sounds pretty serious from your part. Why dun't you give it some more time? Me and my bf have been having horrible fights in the past, but the great thing is that if you get across that obstacle and if you both try to compromise so that it won't happen again, things go smoothly afterwards, and you'd think 'that was stupid!'. Good Luck with your Girl, and keep us posted >>



We haven't been fighting, really. It's more like she's not nearly as serious as I am about us, and I'm just not so sure that we're compatible. She's not very into the relationship. I guess I kind of made excuses for it when we were far apart because I understand that LD relationships are hard and everything, but it's like I made the leap to make it better, and she's still not ready for a serious relationship. Our whole relationship was sort of an accident; she wasn't really interested in guys and we just sort of became best friends and then it became more than that. A lot of it is just stupid stuff that probably shouldn't bother me much, but she's not very thoughtful of me, she doesn't go out of her way to do nice things for me like I do for her, and she never seems to have time to do anything together. Even though I'm 15 minutes away, the only time we see eachother for more than a few minutes is on the weekend (sometimes she sleeps over)...but even that is diminishing. Blah.

 

[SpecialEd]

ummm let me think.... yes.

 

[dave5317]

Yes, it's a major prob for a long term relationship.It's bcoz no one's perfect in life and something should be goin down after both of u get to know each other better.Endure it together and the relationship will be much better after u guys go through it.

 

[Sir Fredrick]

Well at least I know it's not just me. She seems to think it's pretty weird that I'm depressed about it...

 

[SpecialEd]

yes=19

no=0

damn, this is the most one sided issue posted in ATOT ever!!

 

[jjones]

<< She's not very into the relationship >>


i think this pretty much says it all. you want to be serious about it and she doesn't feel the same. either accept that or move on. and to answer your original question, i think it's very normal to feel a bit depressed and disappointed about this relationship not working out like you had hoped.

 

[sale1980]

I know you don't want to hear this, but I think after 2 years you should be completely in love with a person, or ure just gonna drain everything out of it to hold on to her. From ur side, I know why you want to stay, and trust me from recent experience, i know whats its like to be in a long term relationship and not feel 100% loved back or appreciated. Follow how ur heart feels, don't go by history and past things...that'll make u hold onto things that might not even be there anymore. Hope things work for the best Good Luck...

 

[Sir Fredrick]

We both love eachother, it's just that I've always gone out of my way to make her #1 priority, and I don't feel like she does the same. It might just be me though...she IS a very busy person. But then so am I, but I always manage to find time for her.
I think we're going to stop going out for a while, but that's not really going to make me any happier, I'll still be lonely.
Since I moved here just a little while ago, and I spend all my time working or studying, I don't have many friends here (other than people I talk to in class or at work).

 

[Sir Fredrick]

<< damn, this is the most one sided issue posted in ATOT ever!! >>



I guess I'm not master of the obvious.