Do you feel guilt for having nice things?

Blieb

Diamond Member
Apr 17, 2000
3,475
0
76
On the way home from dinner, the wife and I were talking about being very fortunate.

When I stop to think about all the things we have, have done, money, etc ... I feel extremely guilty. I also feel that by often trying to do the right thing, we get taken advantage of ...

Ever since I've seen the starving child + vulture (warning, GRAPHIC) picture a while back ... I think about things like this a lot ...

I guess I'm trying to see how others perceive and deal with it ...
 

waggy

No Lifer
Dec 14, 2000
68,143
10
81
hell no. i worked hard to make the money i have. while we live a pretty cheap i did blow a lot on a 65inch TV. Do i feel bad about it? fuck no.

 

GagHalfrunt

Lifer
Apr 19, 2001
25,284
1,996
126
I don't feel guilt for having them, but I often feel guilty for having stolen them.
 

Mikey

Senior member
Jun 16, 2006
996
1
0
Should we feel guilty? No. We live in an economy that we built, and because of that, we make our hard earned money. Are we spoiled? Hell yes. The only reason why Americans can live the American dream is because most of the world can't. There simply aren't enough resources for this, but it's not selfish to indulge in your own success, but more could always be done to help those that need help the most.
 

Blieb

Diamond Member
Apr 17, 2000
3,475
0
76
I've worked hard ... but I don't feel like I've had to sacrifice ... not that I want to ... I just feel guilt ... I can't explain it ...

I set objectives and achieved most of them. I don't consider myself spoon fed ... I've made a lot of decisions, bad choices, etc ...

I was always told:

1) It doesn't matter if you know the answer, as long as you know where to get it
2) Learn from your mistakes (fool me once, fool me twice ...)
3) Strive to be better than you were the day before ...

I feel like that has steered me for the most part ...
 

DaveSimmons

Elite Member
Aug 12, 2001
40,730
670
126
No.

I do give money to charity though, to give others a chance at happiness:
1. Seattle Times Fund - it works like a United Way for local charities except the paper covers the cost of fundraising instead of skimming off a cut.
2. Northwest Harvest - they supply food banks throughout Washington
3. Child's Play (see you in November) - helps sick kids in hospitals take their mind off the pain and boredom with games and toys

I don't give any money to African charities since it seems to me like pouring water into the sand, useless until the people in broken countries like Zimbabwe can get rid of the thugs in power.
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,296
16
81
No. I worked damned hard to get the nice things that I have. Why the hell should I feel guilty?
 

Homerboy

Lifer
Mar 1, 2000
30,859
4,976
126
Its not wrong to have "nice" things. But I do feel that if you are blessed/fortuante enough to have "nice things than it is within reason and expectation that you donate some time/money/energy/whatever back to those that are needy. You can define "needy" and "less fortunate" however you feel fit. You shouldn't feel guilt though, if you do re-channel it into something positive and help children like the one you pictured or on a smaller scale some hungry people in your neighborhood.

 

Platypus

Lifer
Apr 26, 2001
31,046
321
136
Nope, I've worked for everything I have and earned it.. why should I feel bad about that?
 

sjwaste

Diamond Member
Aug 2, 2000
8,757
12
81
I think we're definitely lucky. Had any of us been born in an impoverished country, the same amount of work we put in here would not have yielded the same results. I still say I haven't worked very hard. I grew up middle class, first job was doing computer support. Went to college, now I'm in law school and working full time. Sure, I'm doing things that society considers "hard" (school and a career at the same time), but when it comes down to it, having the ability to just go somewhere and learn means that the basics are taken care of. I can feed, clothe, and house myself, but I didn't have to grow, weave, or build any of it. Why? Because my parents had enough money to provide those plus education.

Now, my folks on the other hand, I think they worked for what they have. I just have trouble seeing the white collar work that most of us do as a "real" job, considering what we get paid for it.

That said, I don't feel guilty, but I'm really thankful that my parents and their parents and so forth worked really hard. Unless things blow up for me pretty bad, I know that my kids will have an even higher rung on the ladder to start from. I don't ask that they feel guilty, only that they understand and appreciate it, and do the best they can to preserve it for their kids as well. I hope that once I'm out of school, I can help some other folks out too. I think that's my professional duty, but I wouldn't call it guilt.
 

Jeff7

Lifer
Jan 4, 2001
41,596
19
81
Quite often, actually.

Even poverty in the US is damn good living compared to third-world countries. If you're starving here, you've at least got the option of stealing from a grocery store, or raiding the dumpster at a restaurant. Third-world country, you don't even have that option.


Originally posted by: Mikey
Should we feel guilty? No. We live in an economy that we built, and because of that, we make our hard earned money. Are we spoiled? Hell yes. The only reason why Americans can live the American dream is because most of the world can't. There simply aren't enough resources for this, but it's not selfish to indulge in your own success, but more could always be done to help those that need help the most.
We also were fortunate enough to have conquered a land which is rich in resources, and we were also fortunate enough to secure deals with other countries so as to provide for our gluttonous energy appetite (yes, I mean oil).

And concerning "hard work" - hard work in this country pales in comparison to, again, the third world. Put in a long work week in an office, and hey, you're still in an office. A "long week" elsewhere means doing difficult manual labor for most of the time you're awake, while in a harsh environment.


But I also do feel the same as what DaveSimmons said, that donating money to some of these poor countries is like "pouring water into the sand" - there's just so much fighting going on in some of the poorest regions. All of the resources are diverted to skirmishes and battles, so too little gets given to the people.
I also would rather support charities which teach people how to be self-sufficient, rather than providing simple hand-outs. Hand-outs are a continuous expense, and the recipients will likely become dependent on them. If they're self-sufficient, then they don't need the hand-outs, and they're more likely to pursue more efficient methods of whatever market is being fulfilled, whether it be food production, housing, or education. Again though, just being able to be self-sufficient depends on there being a reasonably stable government in power.
 

CPA

Elite Member
Nov 19, 2001
30,322
4
0
We are lucky only for the opportunities we have. What we make of those opportunities comes from our determination and hard work.

Life is not fair and I'm not going to live my one life feeling guilt over situations I can't control. I can control my path and, partially, my families path if life. That's my obligation and I don't feel any guilt or remorse believing otherwise.
 

Homerboy

Lifer
Mar 1, 2000
30,859
4,976
126
But I also do feel the same as what DaveSimmons said, that donating money to some of these poor countries is like "pouring water into the sand" - there's just so much fighting going on in some of the poorest regions. All of the resources are diverted to skirmishes and battles, so too little gets given to the people.
I also would rather support charities which teach people how to be self-sufficient, rather than providing simple hand-outs. Hand-outs are a continuous expense, and the recipients will likely become dependent on them. If they're self-sufficient, then they don't need the hand-outs, and they're more likely to pursue more efficient methods of whatever market is being fulfilled, whether it be food production, housing, or education. Again though, just being able to be self-sufficient depends on there being a reasonably stable government in power.

Agreed, however you do realize "hand-outs" are necessary too. You can't teach somebody how to farm if they are dead or dying. There's obviously a grey are in there.

 

DaveSimmons

Elite Member
Aug 12, 2001
40,730
670
126
Agreed, however you do realize "hand-outs" are necessary too. You can't teach somebody how to farm if they are dead or dying. There's obviously a grey are in there.

But who do you give to in Africa with any hope of it making a long-term difference?

I can only give so much, and with Northwest Harvest I know the money will buy food for families that still have a chance. Sponsoring a child in Zimbabwe seems like delaying the inevitable, possibly just long enough for them to have starving children of their own and/or be murdered by Mugabe's thugs.
 

waggy

No Lifer
Dec 14, 2000
68,143
10
81
Originally posted by: Homerboy
But I also do feel the same as what DaveSimmons said, that donating money to some of these poor countries is like "pouring water into the sand" - there's just so much fighting going on in some of the poorest regions. All of the resources are diverted to skirmishes and battles, so too little gets given to the people.
I also would rather support charities which teach people how to be self-sufficient, rather than providing simple hand-outs. Hand-outs are a continuous expense, and the recipients will likely become dependent on them. If they're self-sufficient, then they don't need the hand-outs, and they're more likely to pursue more efficient methods of whatever market is being fulfilled, whether it be food production, housing, or education. Again though, just being able to be self-sufficient depends on there being a reasonably stable government in power.

Agreed, however you do realize "hand-outs" are necessary too. You can't teach somebody how to farm if they are dead or dying. There's obviously a grey are in there.

sure hand-outs are necessary. but they shouldnt be the main source. take care of them and teach them to take care of themselves.

 

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,916
2,155
126
I'm a believer in you reap what you sow. If you don't live in a 3rd world nation, you can pretty much make yourself into anything you want. I wrote something a long time ago that said "Life is like clay, you can leave it as an ugly lump, or mold it into a work of art."

People that go with the flow, don't show any ambition, and don't show any creativity are the ones that get stuck in food service jobs their whole life and get excited when they raise the minimum wage. I was the first person in my family to go to college, I funded it myself, and now make more than everyone in my family combined. I'm currently giving guidance to my wife's nephew who's parents were on welfare until 8 years ago and both have under $10 hour jobs. The mother is abusive (and a bit nuts), the father is just plain "unsmart" but a good guy, and they have no idea on how to help their 18 year old along. I found him a scholarship program, and have had lengthy talks with him over the last few months to get him into a mindset for success. His parents keep trying to drag him down, and I keep trying to get him beyond that mess. He has the desire, I'm helping his creativity, and he's really wants to work, so I think he's going to turn out OK.

As for 3rd world countries, the governments are what makes those places, not the people and the environment. Be mad at the dictators that steal, stop, or sell aid items for profit, not at yourself for living comfortably.
 

Jeff7

Lifer
Jan 4, 2001
41,596
19
81
Originally posted by: waggy
sure hand-outs are necessary. but they shouldnt be the main source. take care of them and teach them to take care of themselves.
Exactly - like you do when raising children. Give them enough to get by, but teach them how to become self-sufficient at the same time. As time passes, the handouts taper off as self-sufficiency takes over.
 

purbeast0

No Lifer
Sep 13, 2001
53,100
6,004
126
fvck no not one bit. i work my ass off and make sacrifices so I can spend my $$ on what I want.

i travel to to warm/exotic beaches atleats once a year (or I try to) with my fiance and we sacrifice not going out every weekend so that we can afford to do that. and w hen we go on vacation, we go on vacation.

we by no means live a boring life either. we hvae a nice apartment that is furnished very nice and i don't mind when i have to stay in at all.

granted now that we have to save for a wedding, we probably aren't oging to be going out much at all heh :)

EDIT:

I've been working since I was 14 and could legally work, and was doing baby sitting beforehand so what I work for I'm proud of.
 

SludgeFactory

Platinum Member
Sep 14, 2001
2,969
2
81
I feel fortunate to have had the opportunities I've had coming from an American middle class upbringing. But I don't feel guilt. I've seen more than enough jealousy in this world to balance any of that out.

Carve out your happy place, donate money if you feel compelled to do it, or better yet mentor somebody like Fritzo suggests, and if you've got the disposable income to blow on huge TV's, don't flaunt the 65 inch plasma in front of the wrong people.
 

puffff

Platinum Member
Jun 25, 2004
2,374
0
0
Originally posted by: SludgeFactory
I feel fortunate to have had the opportunities I've had coming from an American middle class upbringing. But I don't feel guilt. I've seen more than enough jealousy in this world to balance any of that out.

Carve out your happy place, donate money if you feel compelled to do it, or better yet mentor somebody like Fritzo suggests, and if you've got the disposable income to blow on huge TV's, don't flaunt the 65 inch plasma in front of the wrong people.

i think this is the key. feel fortunate and grateful, but not guilt.
 
Jan 28, 2006
505
0
0
Here's a thought:

Make a list of all the nice things you have that you feel most guilty about having and post it here. I'll go over it and tell you which of those items I would be willing to take off your hands thereby transferring some of your guilt over to me. It's the least I can do to try and ease your burden.

;)