do you ever say anything stupid when answering the phone?

[slightlyhuman]

bored at work so the question pops up in my head. do you always say "hello/this is ____" or do you have any other ways of answering the phone.

i usually say to people that know me "jack's mule barn, head ass speaking"

 

[Looney]

I don't even say hello... i say "My name, speaking".

 

[acemcmac]

"Chester county coroners office. You killem, we chillem 🙂"

with caller ID on the cell, sometimes I say "Hola chica, como esta?"

 

[cw42]

o hoy hoy?

 

[DnetMHZ]

<Burns> "Ahoy, hoy!" </burns>

 

[nageov3t]

depends who's calling.

on my cellphone, it's always hello/hi/hey

at work, it's either "yo," or "what!?", unless I don't know who the caller is, in which case, it's "data center, alan speaking."

 

[ATLien247]

My Dad always did when I was growing up...

Annoying as hell!

 

[CaptnKirk]

'You spent the dime - start talking"

with caller ID: "What's a person like you doing calling me on a nice phone like this ?"

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

"Hackit's Mortuary! You stab'em, we slab'em. Some go to heaven, some to go --HELLo, Hackit's Mortuary?"

 

[YetioDoom]

"data center, alan speaking."

Ha! That's classic! I'll have to start using that one.

 

[WhiteKnight]

No one does the Uncle Jessie? "Talk to me"

 

[notfred]

A friend of mine always answered the phone with, "Happy Valley Puppy Farm".

 

[jagec]

Originally posted by: WhiteKnight
No one does the Uncle Jessie? "Talk to me"

my old roommate always did.

 

[jurzdevil]

"911 emergency, what is your emergency?"

 

[b0mbrman]

Depends what my cell-phone says.

If acquaintance, then "What's up THEIRNAME?"
If recognized number but not so close, then "Hello"
If unrecognized number, "RANK MYNAME"

 

[WhiteKnight]

At work it's, "Hello, Dynamical Systems and Controls Lab, this is <name>."

 

[kermalou]

domios pizza, sorry we are out of pepporoni

 

[djheater]

Constantly.

"Ajax Liquors"
"Saul's Morgue, you stab'em we slab'em"
"Technical Helpdesk, this is _____"
"Gem Comics" <--where I used to work
"Thank you for calling, how may I direct your call?"

Guaranteed to sort out the salesmen and nimrods from the actual callers.

I also like to, when people say "Oh, hi <my name> this is <their name>..." say "Oh, hi <their name> this is <my name>"...

Phones are like having the potential for an uninvited visitor at ANY time. There are certain times when the ONE phone that is allowed to have its ringer on has it turned off as well. All other times, well, no sense making it easy on them...

 

[RaiderJ]

Ray's Abortion Clinic. You rape 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

This is God. How may you serve me?

Your dime, start talking.

Sometimes I'll answer with "Hello, is <random name> there?" Really throws off whoever is calling.

 

[glugglug]

Back in high school our phone # was 1 digit off from Domino's, and a lot of people would screw up when calling to order pizza, so I decided to run with it occasionally - "Hello, Domino's Pizza, may I take your order?".

On other occasions I have decided to pretend I am the answering machine.

 

[yoda291]

Pete's palace of pistols and pornography, you show it, we shoot it.
International house of edible undergarments, what can I do for you?

 

[Kev]

Originally posted by: cw42
o hoy hoy?

winnar

 

[TitanDiddly]

I used to say "Hello, thank you for calling the 'last name' residence, this is Ned speaking, how may I help you?"

 

[Kev]

Originally posted by: RaiderJ
Ray's Abortion Clinic. You rape 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

This is God. How may you serve me?

Your dime, start talking.

Sometimes I'll answer with "Hello, is <random name> there?" Really throws off whoever is calling.

hahaha, i love that last one

 

[glugglug]

Another good one is "(3 beeps) The number you have reached, 5-5-5-1-2-1-2, is no longer in service. Please disconnect and try again."