Do you consider being the other <insert gender here> to be "wrong"?

[Descartes]

I just read a few posts by other ATOTers and questioned whether some of you felt there was any wrong in being the other man, or woman in a married man, or woman's life.

If you were pursued by a married man/woman, would you feel any guilt in reciprocating their feelings?

 

[joohang]

For the sake of loving myself, I would avoid such relationships.

The closest I've been to was a girl who had a boyfriend. I ain't going anywhere near such women either.

So the answer is: Not necessarily "wrong" but I'd avoid the mess. There are a lot of women out there.

 

[Electric Amish]

It would be cool to have another woman pursue me....at least for ego's sake.

She'd just have to understand that it's just sex.

amish

 

[Descartes]

There's always the implicit caveat of a physical altercation (read: arse kicking) with his/her other as well, yes?

 

[SpecialEd]

yes, its wrong...

married people should not be pursuing other people while they are married, and if one does, they should question their marriage and get a divorce before doing so.


I avoid married people in that way...

 

[etalns]

Yes, it's very wrong.

 

[b0mbrman]

If you know about it, then yes, of course it's wrong...if not, then there's only so much you can do...

 

[N8Magic]

Yes.

I'd hate to be the reason for the breaking up of a marriage.

 

[Wuffsunie]

Personally, I don't think you hear enough from the kids caught in the middle of these things.

Having my father leave his family after a long marrage for another woman has definetly destroyed a lot of the respect I had for him.

However, that's nothing compared to the utter hatred and loathing I feel for the woman. She knew he was married and still helped destroy my family and take away my father. If the two of us were ever alone in a room together, I can tell you now that I would be the only one walking out of it.

Fvcking around with married people is SO wrong! :disgust:

 

[Azraele]

Of course it's wrong.

 

[Descartes]

Having my father leave his family after a long marrage for another woman has definetly destroyed a lot of the respect I had for him.

I understand you were probably upset by it, but is it wrong of him to pursue happiness? I know in my situation, my parents were miserable looooooong before they divorced, and both my brother and I suffered because of it. I can honestly say I was elated when they finally divorced. Both of my parents have been happier ever since...

However, that's nothing compared to the utter hatred and loathing I feel for the woman. She knew he was married and still helped destroy my family and take away my father. If the two of us were ever alone in a room together, I can tell you now that I would be the only one walking out of it.

Shouldn't you really be angry with your father? He didn't have to acquiesce in favor of this other woman. I can partly agree that this other woman was in the wrong, but are they happy together? Were your parents happy before they divorced? When kids are in the picture, things are that much more difficult...

 

[b0mbrman]

Ah...what's interesting is that whenever a guy's girlfriend cheats on him, he's always more mad at the guy she cheated with...

 

[Isla]

I've been in the unfortunately position of having married too young and in haste for the totally wrong reasons and then regretting it terribly... but it was too late because, being a very fertile person, I got pregnant immediately.

So, when I found that I dearly loved another (after a few years of friendship) I had to make a choice between what was best for my kids and what my heart longed for.

I chose my kids and I do my best to try to have a good relationship with my husband, but there is always a sense of just going through the motions because of what is 'right'. I miss the 'other' every single day of my life but that's much easier to live with then the thought of screwing up my kids more than my husband and I already have. And yes, we all go to counselors... my husband and I to try to have a decent relationship despite our basic incompatiblity and the kids just so if they need someone to talk to, they have someone available.

I wonder sometimes what is going to happen when my children are grown. Will my husband and I finally have created an emotional bond.... will we have anything in common besides the kids?
I don't know, and I guess it doesn't really matter in the end. I will do my best now and when the time comes I will re-evaluate my life. Life is about choices, and when I made my choice to marry someone I didn't really love or even like very much, I forfeited other choices later down the road. And yes, I had some really good reasons to cancel the wedding but I was too much of a lemming to stop what had been set in motion. Too late, too bad, so sad, the end.

So, I guess there are no easy answers. I certainly don't have any.

 

[eakers]

its kinda fun cuz in my case (a boy with a gf though) i knew there was no strings attached and we could go out and have fun but i knew he wasnt expecting me to be his gf or whatever.

that said it reallly sucks when you start to develop feelings or if you meet the girlfriend and shes so great and then you become friends and then you're forced to cut it off with the boy as fun as it might be cuz her friendship starts to mean more to you than his and then you worry constantly about her finding out.


*kat. <-- im just sayin.

 

[eakers]

oh:
and in conclusion i feel that it is not wrong if they come to you because they are the one with the husband/wife or bf/gf not you. why is it your responsibility that their relationship is messed up and they need outlets?

*kat. <-- *shrug*

 

[Isla]

Ah...what's interesting is that whenever a guy's girlfriend cheats on him, he's always more mad at the guy she cheated with...

BTW, that never happened with us. I was totally up front about my feelings and what was going on. My husband never blamed the 'other' because our marriage was so completely f-ed up that there was really no one to blame but ourselves.

He was our friend and we both miss him. He didn't do anything wrong.... we did.

 

[Geekbabe]

I avoid married or living with somebody dudes like the plague, always have,there's plenty of unattached people out there.

 

[b0mbrman]

Originally posted by: eakers
oh:
and in conclusion i feel that it is not wrong if they come to you because they are the one with the husband/wife or bf/gf not you. why is it your responsibility that their relationship is messed up and they need outlets?

*kat. <-- *shrug*

Very interesting thought...and I'm not going to say that I've never done stuff with boyfriended girls before...

 

Haha! Funny I was watching some documentary last night on a culture that openly embraced and practiced extramarital sex.

Personally, in this system of ethics we practice here, I would be utterly disgusted with any married man who chases me.

And should my future hubby engage in such activity, I'll make sure to kick his a$$ to the curb.

[B0mbrman:] "Ah...what's interesting is that whenever a guy's girlfriend cheats on him, he's always more mad at the guy she cheated with..."[/i]

Well, the same is true about women and girls. They tend to be pissed at the mistresses instead of their so-called husbands or significant others.

I for sure would whoop his a$$. I may be pissed at the lady if she was someone I "trusted", but that will not save the man from real a$$ whooping. :Q :|

Seriously though, I mean who makes the commitment or vow? It is the signifcant other who made the commitment/vow, so he or she should be held accountable--not the mistress or male slut. :Q Hehe!

Isla, I would never have guessed you faced such a situation, having read your past posts that never hinted such. I commend you for your decision. I think it was wise and shows your level of maturity. I get tired of hearing so-called parents who speak of just their happiness and seem to forget that of the children.

I hope things work out for you and your spouse for loooong . . . or long enough, at least.

 

[milagro]

Originally posted by: Isla
I've been in the unfortunately position of having married too young and in haste for the totally wrong reasons and then regretting it terribly... but it was too late because, being a very fertile person, I got pregnant immediately.

So, when I found that I dearly loved another (after a few years of friendship) I had to make a choice between what was best for my kids and what my heart longed for.

I chose my kids and I do my best to try to have a good relationship with my husband, but there is always a sense of just going through the motions because of what is 'right'. I miss the 'other' every single day of my life but that's much easier to live with then the thought of screwing up my kids more than my husband and I already have. And yes, we all go to counselors... my husband and I to try to have a decent relationship despite our basic incompatiblity and the kids just so if they need someone to talk to, they have someone available.

I wonder sometimes what is going to happen when my children are grown. Will my husband and I finally have created an emotional bond.... will we have anything in common besides the kids?
I don't know, and I guess it doesn't really matter in the end. I will do my best now and when the time comes I will re-evaluate my life. Life is about choices, and when I made my choice to marry someone I didn't really love or even like very much, I forfeited other choices later down the road. And yes, I had some really good reasons to cancel the wedding but I was too much of a lemming to stop what had been set in motion. Too late, too bad, so sad, the end.

So, I guess there are no easy answers. I certainly don't have any.

wow...I bet you sure balled watching "Bridges of Madison County"---have to admit you must have a lot of strength and courage...and hope to I guess?

 

[Cyco]

Definately wrong.

 

[IJump]

I think it is wrong......

 

[Isla]

luvly, well, I try not to dwell on it too much. Can't change the past, so may as well keep moving forward the best I can. But I do tend to advise people to be a little older when they marry so that they will hopefully know themselves well enough to make good choices. LOL, even our pastor tried to warn us after giving us a compatibility test (we scored on opposite sides of the spectrum) but we paid absolutely no attention to him or anyone else. I had a co-worker who knew us both practically have a conniption because he saw what we refused to see (and he was gay, so it wasn't jealousy.... over *me*, anyway! ) Oh, the warning signs were EVERYWHERE. And I wonder how people can get run over by trains at railroad crossings.... they do it just like we got married, oblivious to the flashing red lights and warning bells going off.

Milagro, yeah, some times I get a little depressed but I tend to slap myself out of it when I think I am starting to wallow in self-pity. Because in the end, my husband and I might not exactly be the perfect match but we do have some very important things in common, and we are proud of how hard we have worked to come as far as we have.

If we had gotten divorced, our problems would have multiplied. We forced ourselves to deal with the mess we made, and I am glad we did. And yeah, I have a lot of hope that one way or another, I'll look back on my life and know that there was a lot of love in it, even if it wasn't always what I thought it would be like.