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do i have anger management issues?

W

wasssup

Diamond Member
I'm trying to make this as short as possible for you guys. So my mom's been in town for a while now (she originally moved to texas a few years ago with my dad but was "lonely" so came here to be with her kids (us) and her relatives). When my parents moved a few years ago they told me I could use their house as long as I took care of it (just graduated college, so i've been saving my money all this time so I can avoid getting an apartment and just get myself a house).

So she's been here, and because of these "issues" she planned a weekly "get together" with our relatives. Thing is, I can't STAND these people because they constantly criticize everybody but everything they do is right; and if I say anything back to them my mom gets sad/depressed so all I can do is take their crap (it's been like this my whole life, actually).

Saturday night we decided to meet at Applebee's at 8pm for dinner; we reached applebee's and called them up at 8:05pm. Nobody was picking up their phones. Finally we got ahold of my aunt at 8:15pm and they told us they would get ready and leave soon. Well they live 10 minutes away, no big deal, right? We call them up again at 8:45pm, they're still getting ready. They finally arrive at 9:50pm, making us wait outside for a total of 110 minutes. Keep in mind all throughout we had to call them asking what was up, they never called us once. I was pissed and asked them what the deal was with making us wait for so long -- their response: "What, do you think this is some type of business meeting or something that we have to come on time?"
 
They're assholes and showed they have no respect for you. If they agreed to meet you at 8pm they should have been there at 8pm. Any reasonable person would have had a legitimate excuse for being more than 15 minutes late.

You should have left after 30 minutes and said fvck em!
 
why the hell would you have waited 2 hours? Sounds like you don't have an anger management issue, but an issue with making a decision.
 
Originally posted by: KK
why the hell would you have waited 2 hours? Sounds like you don't have an anger management issue, but an issue with making a decision.
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As I explained in my original post we do this because my mom has been having issues for the last year where she constantly feels "lonely" -- she planned this weekly family meeting for her own sake, and I pretty much go because I figure she's done so much for me when I was growing up and this is the least I can do. I'm basically in a catch 22 situation...vent about them to my mom, she gets sad (she's absurdly overprotective of them). Hell, when I was younger and they did something wrong, my mom would yell at me just so that they wouldn't feel bad. She claims this is to "keep peace in the family."
 
Originally posted by: Journer
fvck them, they have problems, not you...i would have eaten and left by the time they got there
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QFT.

No reason to wait for someone you don't like for 2 hours before eating.

Now there's a reason to wait 2 hours to get into a restaurant. And that's because the food is awesome, or they're doing all you can eat crab legs or something. It sure as heck isn't people you don't like.

(I waited 2 hours to get into a restaraunt friday night. It was worth it, and I was sitting outside on a really nice night with 3 good looking women, can't be beat)
 
Originally posted by: krunchykrome
Originally posted by: KK
why the hell would you have waited 2 hours? Sounds like you don't have an anger management issue, but an issue with making a decision.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

well there is a reason they do this i bet. one reason is that they lack the courage to say or do something about it.

I was in the same situation with my sisters. they would constantly put me down in front of others make plans and never show up or be late etc.

finally i had enough. I told them that i was not putting up with it. No more calling me names no more making plans and expecting me to wait for them etc.

has it changed? not really. they still do not show up on time. but now i don't wait for them. we will eat dinner and leave. also when they try to put me down at family gatherings i point out that i am more successful and have more education then they do. The only reason my sisters are not living in a trailer with "bubba" is because they did manage to marry good guys.


the OP and his mother need to stand up for themselves. nothing is going to change until they force it to change.
 
Originally posted by: wasssup
I'm trying to make this as short as possible for you guys. So my mom's been in town for a while now (she originally moved to texas a few years ago with my dad but was "lonely" so came here to be with her kids (us) and her relatives). When my parents moved a few years ago they told me I could use their house as long as I took care of it (just graduated college, so i've been saving my money all this time so I can avoid getting an apartment and just get myself a house).

So she's been here, and because of these "issues" she planned a weekly "get together" with our relatives. Thing is, I can't STAND these people because they constantly criticize everybody but everything they do is right; and if I say anything back to them my mom gets sad/depressed so all I can do is take their crap (it's been like this my whole life, actually).

Saturday night we decided to meet at Applebee's at 8pm for dinner; we reached applebee's and called them up at 8:05pm. Nobody was picking up their phones. Finally we got ahold of my aunt at 8:15pm and they told us they would get ready and leave soon. Well they live 10 minutes away, no big deal, right? We call them up again at 8:45pm, they're still getting ready. They finally arrive at 9:50pm, making us wait outside for a total of 110 minutes. Keep in mind all throughout we had to call them asking what was up, they never called us once. I was pissed and asked them what the deal was with making us wait for so long -- their response: "What, do you think this is some type of business meeting or something that we have to come on time?"
Click to expand...
i would be a bit peeved if they did this to me. in fact, i would've just ordered without them.

anger issues, nah. just not wanting to put up with inconsiderate crap, yes.

 
Originally posted by: ISAslot
I would have already eatten.
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No kidding. Here's the deal bro: From now on, you GET A TABLE when you get to Applebee's instead of waiting. If these other clowns get there in time to eat, great... if they don't, even better.
 
you waited 2 hours? that's actually the opposite of anger management. that's a complete lack of the necessary amount of anger.
 
No way I'd have waited more than 30 mins. That's ridiculous. You had a right to know what took so long, but I can't imgine why you were still there.

On the other hand, this is your side of the story. There's a chance there's more to it.
 
Originally posted by: wasssup
I'm trying to make this as short as possible for you guys. So my mom's been in town for a while now (she originally moved to texas a few years ago with my dad but was "lonely" so came here to be with her kids (us) and her relatives). When my parents moved a few years ago they told me I could use their house as long as I took care of it (just graduated college, so i've been saving my money all this time so I can avoid getting an apartment and just get myself a house).

So she's been here, and because of these "issues" she planned a weekly "get together" with our relatives. Thing is, I can't STAND these people because they constantly criticize everybody but everything they do is right; and if I say anything back to them my mom gets sad/depressed so all I can do is take their crap (it's been like this my whole life, actually).

Saturday night we decided to meet at Applebee's at 8pm for dinner; we reached applebee's and called them up at 8:05pm. Nobody was picking up their phones. Finally we got ahold of my aunt at 8:15pm and they told us they would get ready and leave soon. Well they live 10 minutes away, no big deal, right? We call them up again at 8:45pm, they're still getting ready. They finally arrive at 9:50pm, making us wait outside for a total of 110 minutes. Keep in mind all throughout we had to call them asking what was up, they never called us once. I was pissed and asked them what the deal was with making us wait for so long -- their response: "What, do you think this is some type of business meeting or something that we have to come on time?"
Click to expand...

They constantly criticize people, but eat at a restaurant like applebees??? 😕
 
They have no respect for you. I would have ate and left. I have no tolerance for people being late to meetings esp. ones that have been planned for a while. If people don't show up after 20 minutes, I move on with my life. Life is too short to wait around for people, and much too short for waiting on those who have no respect for you.

Its great that you are helping your mom out. But, waiting for 2hrs probably isn't helping her out. If I were in your shoes, Id take my mom to the bar, have a gin and tonic, talk about life, talk about the job, the kids, how things have changed, possible vacations for her etc. -- rather than stand around staring at your watch/cellphone pacing back and forth and cursing every 5 minutes because of the party's tardiness. Everybody looks back with 20/20 vision though...
 
Just one more reason why I will be in bliss this Christmas

This will be the first time ever I do not have to fly up to Pennsylvania and see the relatives.
 
Next time get a table, some drinks, and if they don't show up within an hour (30 minutes is not enough), you should order without them. If you have finished the meal and they haven't shown up then you should leave.

I personally think you're doing the right thing for your mom but that these people should be ashamed of themselves.

As revenge you should invite them out for dinnner and not show up. Tell them you forgot.

 
Originally posted by: drinkmorejava
Just one more reason why I will be in bliss this Christmas

This will be the first time ever I do not have to fly up to Pennsylvania and see the relatives.
Click to expand...


I haven't been home for the holidays for 2 years. It was great.
 
Originally posted by: moshquerade
anger issues, nah. just not wanting to put up with inconsiderate crap, yes.
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Bingo

OP I've dealth with/am dealing with the same thing. My family can be inconsiderate sometimes with planning and it pisses my gf off. You just gotta learn to stand up to them, it is hard.
 
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