Divorcees, what was your experience like?

[jjzelinski]

I'm sort of remiss to post about this on a message board, but the feedback would be greatly appreciated.

For the record I'm the one who finally intiated it, miserable marriage of 5 years. 90% of the time we're either fighting or not talking and she refused to go to marriage counseling. I also have a 4 1/2 year old little boy.

 

[Rastus]

All you can do is push on. Unless worse things happen in your life, this could be the worse time in your whole life. If it is, then there is nothing but better times ahead. Good luck.

 

[Tu13erhead]

Originally posted by: Rastus
Unless worse things happen in your life, this could be the worse time in your whole life.

Um, duh?

 

[Omegachi]

why did you guys get married in the first place?

 

[jjzelinski]

I was young and stupid. We got married whenI was 21, she was 25. I also didn't have any prior relationship experience before her.

 

[sonz70]

wow...just wow

 

[jjzelinski]

Don't say that

 

[blahblah99]

Originally posted by: jjzelinski
I'm sort of remiss to post about this on a message board, but the feedback would be greatly appreciated.

For the record I'm the one who finally intiated it, miserable marriage of 5 years. 90% of the time we're either fighting or not talking and she refused to go to marriage counseling. I also have a 4 1/2 year old little boy.

Life is what you make of it after big events in your life... so you can view this divorce as a chance to be extremely successful afterwards, or as a miserable failure.

If you're in California, be prepared for a bumpy ride as California law favors women when it comes to divorce. She might push for custody of the kid, child support, half your assets, and alimony (you know, vaginamony for past use of her vagina).

 

[AnyMal]

It sucked. I got over it. Life went on. Happily re-married.

 

[jjzelinski]

I'm willing to give her everything I have as I will be taken care of regardless. I'm in the AF, so at minimum they'll provide you with food and board. I've already given her our car and will continue to pay for it and offer as much financial assistance as my wage allows.

She's an excellent mother so I'm not against her having custody, but I do fear that she will become vindictive and try to use my child against me or try to prevent me from seeing him. I know I can provide a stable, loving home for him and would like to do just that if only for as long as it takes to get herself on her feet. Instead, she walked out the door with my son in the middle of Alaska and will be flying down to El Paso TX next week to grind out a living for the two of them. This seems out of spite, because it will just be harder on both of them will she tries to find a job down there. They'll be staying with her mother for the time being.

What further complicates matters is that I'll be moving to Germany in about a month.

 

[alkemyst]

I was married almost 5 years, no kids. We had a house and quite a few assets.

We were always happy until the end. She broke her neck (base of skull with 2 fusions + about 6 months of hospital time needed). She changed after that. We fought a few times during the relationship, normal stuff, but during her change it was constant. She became a different person and we both agreed to split.

We still were intimate a while and dating others during the divorce and a while after until we were both not dating anymore and moved on to steady and regular partners.

Divorce was a simple 30 minute procedure. She had a lawyer, I did not. The deal I got was better than I originally wanted to give her. it was a 50/50 split of all marital assets, we each kept what we brought into the relationship.

If you are miserable for more than a few months (phases happen), it's time to move on.

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: AnyMal
It sucked. I got over it. Life went on. Happily re-married.

Good to hear :thumbsup:

Koing

 

[itsallaboutme]

Instead, she walked out the door with my son in the middle of Alaska and will be flying down to El Paso TX next week to grind out a living for the two of them. This seems out of spite, because it will just be harder on both of them will she tries to find a job down there. They'll be staying with her mother for the time being.

What further complicates matters is that I'll be moving to Germany in about a month.[/quote]

Since her mom is there, moving to TX sounds like a very smart move to me. She will really need to have family support while raining your child alone.

 

[AreaCode707]

Isn't divorcee the female-gendered version of that word?

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: HotChic
Isn't divorcee the female-gendered version of that word?

No that is usually bitc., slu., whor....etc.

And everyone's ex is insane.

:beer::beer:

 

[alm4rr]

yagt.org divorce forum might be rec. reading

 

[alkemyst]

I wanted to add some more to this...

In an impending relationship destruction you can't blame yourself or them. As adults everyone is entitled to their opinion and free will...it's what keeps life interesting.

If your lover/spouse decides to change gears abruptily, you have a few choices.

1) carry on, ignoring it.

2) carry on, b00Ya!

3) discuss and make a compromise

4) discuss and no compromise is made/can be agreed on
a) deal with it
b) move on

It's never about getting at you, or trying to be difficult...people just have their own set of wants and needs and there is someone for everyone.

The woman/man you call a scumbag because they like going out and hooking up with multiple partners, doing drugs, doing reckless things, being a homebody, saving all their money, loving sex/hating sex, etc has a partner out there that would be glad to get them.

If it's not you...you know what to do......increase your cell minutes