Divorced ATOT members advice.

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,653
4,168
126
Well, I'm getting a divorce. No time to say the exact reasons this week, I'll create a thread next week if people express interest. Lets just say I stooped to a new low and started reading the email of my wife who has essentially abandoned me for the last year. I wasn't happy with what I saw.

I'd like advice from those who have been divorced. Should I go with a lawyer or do it myself?

Details
[*]I live in a no-fault state. Any person in the marriage can get a divorce at any time. The only qualification is that one person testifies that the marriage is over.
[*]The state I'm in makes it a requirement that assests are split up as close to 50/50 as possible.
[*]No children, and basically no assests to split up. I think we can fairly easilly split up the bank accounts and the furniture. The only issue is the house that I want to keep (along with the mortage) - she doesn't want it and couldn't afford it.
[*]If we can agree on our own terms, there won't even be a trial.
[*]The filing fee is $85 if I do it myself. Average lawyer fees is $3000 in my state, double that to $6000 if she also hires a lawyer.
[*]The only thing I want is to minimize alimony (hopefully avoid it entirely). She has little income but wants to experience living all on her own. Think I could do this without a lawyer?
 

gigapet

Lifer
Aug 9, 2001
10,005
0
76
dude...ive never been married but you'd be a grade A idiot not to hire an attourney.
 

mrrman

Diamond Member
Feb 8, 2004
8,497
3
0
I would do it yourself as long as she isnt contesting anything...thats where it gets sticky...I spent $15K before firing my lawyer and doing it myself...I have been successfull in all my court appearances thereafter and will never use a lawyer again.
 

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
15,780
0
76
Originally posted by: dullard
Well, I'm getting a divorce. No time to say the exact reasons this week, I'll create a thread next week if people express interest. Lets just say I stooped to a new low and started reading the email of my wife who has essentially abandoned me for the last year. I wasn't happy with what I saw.

I'd like advice from those who have been divorced. Should I go with a lawyer or do it myself?

Details
[*]I live in a no-fault state. Any person in the marriage can get a divorce at any time. The only qualification is that one person testifies that the marriage is over.
[*]The state I'm in makes it a requirement that assests are split up as close to 50/50 as possible.
[*]No children, and basically no assests to split up. I think we can fairly easilly split up the bank accounts and the furniture. The only issue is the house that I want to keep (along with the mortage) - she doesn't want it and couldn't afford it.
[*]If we can agree on our own terms, there won't even be a trial.
[*]The filing fee is $85 if I do it myself. Average lawyer fees is $3000 in my state, double that to $6000 if she also hires a lawyer.
[*]The only thing I want is to minimize alimony (hopefully avoid it entirely). She has little income but wants to experience living all on her own. Think I could do this without a lawyer?

I wouldn't do it without an attorney. Few hundred spent now will save you thousands later.
 

spherrod

Diamond Member
Mar 21, 2003
3,897
0
0
www.steveherrod.com
from your description then it sounds like it should be possible to do it without a lawyer. I'm sure there's some people on here who either work in law or know people and can let you know a more qualified response (any issues etc which you may run into)
 

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,653
4,168
126
Originally posted by: AnyMal
I wouldn't do it without an attorney. Few hundred spent now will save you thousands later.
But I'm worried it might be a few thousands now to save a few hundreds later.

I spoke briefly to a lawyer friend (criminal not civil) and she said it sounded like if I hired a lawyer, most likely all the lawyer would do is help file the paperwork. Of course, since she wasn't a civil lawyer, she had no experience.

 

iwantanewcomputer

Diamond Member
Apr 4, 2004
5,045
0
0
if you apply yourself you should be able to do it yourself. sorry about your divorce :(

good luck with the single life too
 

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,019
156
106
Dullard, sorry to hear that you are divorcing.

Though I'm not in your position, why not consult with a lawyer just to discuss your plan? It couldn't cost that much just for one meeting to go over how you are considering handling it, and if you are missing anything major the lawyer could alert you.
 

jjones

Lifer
Oct 9, 2001
15,424
2
0
I don't have the slightest idea. A lawyer sounds good but also may not be necessary in your case and I'm never one for throwing away money, especially to lawyers. Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about your impending divorce.
 

KingPhil

Golden Member
Apr 27, 2000
1,154
0
0
Squash that whole "allimony" crap......... no kids, no reason for her NOT to be working.....

Split everything and be done. DO NO pay allimony, that is a bunch of bull! Get a lawyer (get a cheap one if anything) and work out the paperwork.......

Never been divorced, but I'm sure there are tons of legal crap you have to deal with.....
 

StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
8,324
2
0
Good luck. If I remember correctly from your previous posts, your personality is very similar to mine so I'm interested in how things turn out for you. I hope more happiness is in your future.
 

dmcowen674

No Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
54,889
47
91
www.alienbabeltech.com
Originally posted by: dullard
Well, I'm getting a divorce. No time to say the exact reasons this week, I'll create a thread next week if people express interest. Lets just say I stooped to a new low and started reading the email of my wife who has essentially abandoned me for the last year. I wasn't happy with what I saw.

I'd like advice from those who have been divorced. Should I go with a lawyer or do it myself?

Details
[*]I live in a no-fault state. Any person in the marriage can get a divorce at any time. The only qualification is that one person testifies that the marriage is over.
[*]The state I'm in makes it a requirement that assests are split up as close to 50/50 as possible.
[*]No children, and basically no assests to split up. I think we can fairly easilly split up the bank accounts and the furniture. The only issue is the house that I want to keep (along with the mortage) - she doesn't want it and couldn't afford it.
[*]If we can agree on our own terms, there won't even be a trial.
[*]The filing fee is $85 if I do it myself. Average lawyer fees is $3000 in my state, double that to $6000 if she also hires a lawyer.
[*]The only thing I want is to minimize alimony (hopefully avoid it entirely). She has little income but wants to experience living all on her own. Think I could do this without a lawyer?

Sorry to hear Dullard.

Here is something to consider and mopst have probably not seen on here before.

An Attorney draws up the contract that a Judge will be signing.

You can both use one Attorney.

Without children there should be no alimony, period.
 

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
15,780
0
76
Originally posted by: dullard
Originally posted by: AnyMal
I wouldn't do it without an attorney. Few hundred spent now will save you thousands later.
But I'm worried it might be a few thousands now to save a few hundreds later.

I spoke briefly to a lawyer friend (criminal not civil) and she said it sounded like if I hired a lawyer, most likely all the lawyer would do is help file the paperwork. Of course, since she wasn't a civil lawyer, she had no experience.

why don't you call around and ask? A no-contest divorce shouldn't cost all that much and you'll have a piece of mind that your interest was looked after. Just my $.02
 

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
15,780
0
76
Originally posted by: KingPhil
Squash that whole "allimony" crap......... no kids, no reason for her NOT to be working.....

Split everything and be done. DO NO pay allimony, that is a bunch of bull! Get a lawyer (get a cheap one if anything) and work out the paperwork.......

Never been divorced, but I'm sure there are tons of legal crap you have to deal with.....

Good point. Unless she's disabled, there's no reason she couldn't support herself. Consider yourself blessed that no children were involved.
 

Metron

Golden Member
Oct 16, 2003
1,163
0
0
Dullard,

Sorry to hear man. Speaking from experience, you NEED to get a lawyer. If alimony is even a possibility, you need expert advice from a lawyer. Suppose she says she's willing to "cooperate" now, so you file on your own, and then she brings in a big-gun high-power family law attorney to contest your filing (and counter-file for divorce with alimony). Hire an attorney...
 

JEDI

Lifer
Sep 25, 2001
29,391
2,737
126
Originally posted by: dullard
Well, I'm getting a divorce. No time to say the exact reasons this week, I'll create a thread next week if people express interest. Lets just say I stooped to a new low and started reading the email of my wife who has essentially abandoned me for the last year. I wasn't happy with what I saw.

I'd like advice from those who have been divorced. Should I go with a lawyer or do it myself?

Details
[*]I live in a no-fault state. Any person in the marriage can get a divorce at any time. The only qualification is that one person testifies that the marriage is over.
[*]The state I'm in makes it a requirement that assests are split up as close to 50/50 as possible.
[*]No children, and basically no assests to split up. I think we can fairly easilly split up the bank accounts and the furniture. The only issue is the house that I want to keep (along with the mortage) - she doesn't want it and couldn't afford it.
[*]If we can agree on our own terms, there won't even be a trial.
[*]The filing fee is $85 if I do it myself. Average lawyer fees is $3000 in my state, double that to $6000 if she also hires a lawyer.
[*]The only thing I want is to minimize alimony (hopefully avoid it entirely). She has little income but wants to experience living all on her own. Think I could do this without a lawyer?

if it's an friendly divorce, then do it yourself.

if it's going to turn nasty, then get a lawyer.
 

Miramonti

Lifer
Aug 26, 2000
28,651
100
91
Sorry to hear about it. :(

How long have you been married? That's probably going to be very relevant for alimony if its been a while, and will cause her to get one if she gets advice from friend that she's entitled to it. It can be done without lawyers tho.

I recommend you find a good divorce forum as well.
 

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,653
4,168
126
Originally posted by: jjsole
How long have you been married? That's probably going to be very relevant for alimony if its been a while, and will cause her to get one if she gets advice from friend that she's entitled to it. It can be done without lawyers tho.
Dated for just over 5 years. Married for nearly 6. We were dirt poor students for most of the time. But for the last year, I've had a good job. She has a college education, but wants to have fun with her own business instead of working for a salary. Thus, when the judge sees the income (high for me vs negative for her business) I'm worried about the alimony.

I think I'll call around today and see if any place has a free initial consultation. That'll also help me make up my mind.

 

TheAdvocate

Platinum Member
Mar 7, 2005
2,561
7
81
Typically, dozens of lawyers in every city offer flat rate, affordable pricing on no-contest divorces. Go that route.

As far as "trials" - you have to get your seperation agreement (division of assets, alimony) to be judicially certified or it's non-binding. This requires a hearing, but in a no-contest, it's a relatively painless & quick administratve procdure.

$.02
 

TwinkleToes77

Diamond Member
Jul 13, 2002
5,086
1
0
Originally posted by: dullard
Well, I'm getting a divorce. No time to say the exact reasons this week, I'll create a thread next week if people express interest. Lets just say I stooped to a new low and started reading the email of my wife who has essentially abandoned me for the last year. I wasn't happy with what I saw.

I'd like advice from those who have been divorced. Should I go with a lawyer or do it myself?

Details
[*]I live in a no-fault state. Any person in the marriage can get a divorce at any time. The only qualification is that one person testifies that the marriage is over.
[*]The state I'm in makes it a requirement that assests are split up as close to 50/50 as possible.
[*]No children, and basically no assests to split up. I think we can fairly easilly split up the bank accounts and the furniture. The only issue is the house that I want to keep (along with the mortage) - she doesn't want it and couldn't afford it.
[*]If we can agree on our own terms, there won't even be a trial.
[*]The filing fee is $85 if I do it myself. Average lawyer fees is $3000 in my state, double that to $6000 if she also hires a lawyer.
[*]The only thing I want is to minimize alimony (hopefully avoid it entirely). She has little income but wants to experience living all on her own. Think I could do this without a lawyer?

You could easily do it yourself. My parents did and they had a lot more assets and children. As long as both parties are in agreement of what they want done then i dont see why you have to pay extra cost just to have the lawyer do the paperwork for you when you can do it yourself
 

isasir

Diamond Member
Aug 8, 2000
8,609
0
0
My girlfriend is a divorce attorney, I'll try and remember to ask her when I talk to her later.
 

PG

Diamond Member
Oct 25, 1999
3,426
44
91
Sorry to hear about the impending divorce. I went through that myself a few years ago.
I think you need to get a lawyer to protect yourself. If you don't get this handled properly now there might be things that come up in the future. Think about it, you can't fully trust her now, right? Well, then don't trust her to keep her word on anything involving money. If money gets tight she might try to find loopholes in the paperwork to come after you, so get a lawyer and get it done right the first time out. It could really save you in the long run.