Originally posted by: DearQT
Originally posted by: Tomato
I e-mailed him nicely, telling him to leave me alone if he had any respect at all for me. I e-mailed him in a rage, threatening to take legal action if he didn't stop contacting me. I e-mailed him in a mature manner, explaining his actions were making me extremely uncomfortable, insisting firmly that he stop. He didn't. He persisted, and kept tabs on my life via online journals (hence, why I've stopped making mine available to the public), myspace, friendster (both of which I'm quitting so he can't track me any further), and god knows what else. It wouldn't surprise me if he paid a markenting company for my personal information.
Dezign, Dezign, Dezign! You do know that it's easy to find out your new online journal, right?
"Anyway, once I moved to Texas after graduating from Smith, he wrote to tell me he'd found a job in Dallas. That was creepy, but I moved to California within weeks, and didn't hear from him for almost two years... and yesterday, he sent me an e-mail.
APPARENTLY HE HAS MOVED TO CALIFORNIA, AND IS NOW LIVING LESS THAN 40 MINUTES AWAY FROM ME. Apparently he still loves me, still thinks about me all the time, believes he can take care of me... KNOWS THAT I AM ENGAGED... and yet, he persists. In his words, "On another note, I wanted to let you know that I am now living in the OC, so wanted to give you a heads up in case you ever need anything or run into trouble you can find me (and yes I know you never will but my heart is in the right place)". His HEAD isn't in the right place... it's been almost seven years since I last saw him and broke things off with him, and I can't figure out why he can't just leave me alone and move on with his life.
I have a fiance who I am fiercely devoted to, who will soon be my husband. I would never need this nutcase for anything, and even if I did need help I would rather have my eyeballs poked out with chopsticks before even thinking about contacting him.
At this point, I don't know what else I can do but continue to ignore him. Still, the fact that he now lives less than 40 minues away is unnerving, and I wouldn't put it past him to show up at my work or home one day. He's never threatened me physically, but obviously he has issues with letting go and moving on. Lately, my fiance has been getting numerous calls and hang ups, and I'm too scared to answer the phone (we don't have caller ID but will probably get it soon). It sucks having to worry about this loser, and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or if anyone has been in a similar situation.
I don't think I have enough to file a restraining order against him, but I just want him to go away and leave me alone.
I learned my lesson the hard way, Dezign! But what I did learn was that I should never dismiss such behavior as just a pest. It is important to report this early to authorities. You waited so long to take action. However, first thing you should do is report it to the police. They will probably not take you seriously and give a restraining order, but it stays in record. You would have a witness besides your friends or relatives. Second of all, don't take the situation lightly! I suggest you arm yourself since no one is likely to protect you--not even law enforcement ... well, at least not Florida's so-called law enforcement. Good thing you're in California! *Shrug!* Anyway, carry pepper spray or anything else you can think of. I would do more than that in my current state of mind, as I am extremely resentful toward men. I wouldn't tolerate that crap one bit. I would suggest you consider using more to protect yourself. Always remember that even restraining order does not protect you if someone decides to disobey the law. It's just a piece of paper. Something I notice about guys of such calibre is that they never take your "no" for a no even when you assert yourself. It almost seems as though asserting yourself provokes him to taunt you more. I do not know if it?s just a desire to conquer or what?.

No matter what way you try to convey the message, he will never listen. Nevertheless, make sure you do tell him firmly one last time. And when you do tell him, do not mention your intents or things you've done such as concealing your private information. Never exhibit fear or intimidation when communicating with him. Never tell him that it's your last contact.
You need to make your information as private as possible. I know that for someone who prefers not to have to go through those measures and likes to be open, it can be uncomfortable and feel like a prison. However, you've got to do at least basic things. Even minimal measures to protect yourself is sufficient. Get your name unlisted on the White Pages. Request a block of your number from Caller IDs. You can always do the * thing whenever the number you're calling requires that you unblock it. You could also require that all callers to your number have identification. I'm surprised to learn that you have no caller ID! It's so cheap, Dezign! Dezign, Dezign, Dezign, it is so easy to get your new online journal. If you're serious about concealing your information, you should consider changing to something that shows no hint or trace of your identity. Also, ask your friends and relatives to help you by never giving any information out to him or easily to anyone..
I'm sorry if I sounded unclear, but I do hope you understood me at least a bit. Good luck, and keep us updated!
P.S. I hope this isn't that military guy! Is it? Dezign, I'm a little concerned. Are you easily attracted to abusive men? I am remembering all of the guys that I could remember that you dated, and I remember you complaining of physical abuse of some sort. In this case, you aren't claiming that this one was a physical abuse, but stalking surely doesn't sound far from it. Dezign, you may not like this question, but has your fiance ever laid a finger on you? Just asking ? I am concerned as I just realized the pattern in your choice of bfs. Is it just because you enjoy the attention they afford you? These abusive men seem to give the most attention whilst at the same time depriving you of it intentionally so that you have more desire for their attention. Be safe, woman!
Edit: Oops! Stupid me got it all in italics.