Grr, the whole point to my entire satire is the REACTION of idiots looking to legislate "sensible" gun control over a very small portion of deaths in the US versus other forms of deaths.
There are proven and effective means of reducing deaths from other tools and shit. It's not done by banning them. That has never proven effective. We have how many alcohol related deaths per year in this country? What happened the last time a Federal ban on alcohol was put in place?
So back to the original comparison. Cell phones when used in correctly kill people. Just like guns. Trust me, I'm more scared when I see a teen with an iPhone in their hand get into their car than when I see a law abiding citizen with a gun. FAR more scared and justifiably so.
I do think that if deaths and societal harm from anything reaches a certain level that is due to the average citizen being unable to prevent it, then if the government can step in to fix it they should. I am not a conservative. I know and appreciate the proper role of government. I think of it as this way. Your average citizen is like kids in a playground. For the most part we are free to play and do what we want. However, when 2 or more of us start having problems like a fight, then sometimes a more authoritative figure needs to step in temporarily to break up the fight and set things straight. Once the situation is settled, the figure needs to go back to monitoring and not meddling anymore. That is the proper role of government.
However, the setting things straight needs to be with effective actions. With the original example, we have an epidemic in this country of cell phone related deaths. Most due to distracted drivers, but there are other instances as well. The proper course of action is not to ban cell phones, nor to highly regulated and restrict their usage everywhere.
That is the WRONG way to solve that problem. Proper education about their use, incrementally stricter penalties for cell phone usage that has been shown to lead to deaths/injuries, and alternative methods to allow for safer usage without hampering the normal intended usage. Also those implementations need to focus on problem areas and not be a broad sweeping measure at the federal level. Start small and move outward and bigger but only if measures at the local levels of government are working. THOSE are how you deal with an issue like cell phone deaths AND gun deaths. THOSE are proper laws. Not fucking retarded knee jerk bans. Those are sensible solutions to the problem.