A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 AM, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How! will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not."
The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
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Version #2
Much better version:
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help.
The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down & wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up & gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back & goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes & looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up & drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are lying in the mud.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."
The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 AM, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How! will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not."
The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Version #2
Much better version:
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help.
The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down & wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up & gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back & goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes & looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up & drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are lying in the mud.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."
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