CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother
won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.
"What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. An y later, and your diaphragm will
turn into a pumpkin,"
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour
comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m.
Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your
diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind
of power! Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, .. Peter, Peter,
something or other..."
______________________________________________________
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain
about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went
to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
______________________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when
suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
______________________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge
said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
________________________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
_______________________________________________
won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.
"What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. An y later, and your diaphragm will
turn into a pumpkin,"
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour
comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m.
Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your
diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind
of power! Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, .. Peter, Peter,
something or other..."
______________________________________________________
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain
about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went
to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
______________________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when
suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
______________________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge
said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
________________________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
_______________________________________________
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