Did I let him slip away?

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Saint Nick

Lifer
Jan 21, 2005
17,722
6
81
I think you need to go back with him and find a job over there, instead. You were happy with him, you need to be happy.

It's not too late to re-think your decisions...
 

Stuxnet

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2005
8,392
1
0
Originally posted by: PhoenixOrion
Did I make a terrible mistake?
-I don't think you did. As selfish as this may sound, you have to take care of your stuff first, career, education, family or whatever that you need to do.

Bingo. I used to buy into the whole "love conquers all", etc, but reality is that you need to take care of yourself, first. If you aren't yet satisfied with your own situation, then you're not in a position to give what it takes to make a longterm relationship work.

You need to make yourself happy before you can make someone else happy, and you need to make yourself happy before someone else can make you happy.

It sounds convoluded, but it's very true. I'm also not a fan of long distance relationships for obvious reasons. I don't believe there's just one person out there for each of us. By participating in a long distance relationship, you're closing yourself off to more "doable" relationships. Location is a factor of compatibility. Even if everything else is lined up perfectly, you're not compatible if you're 1000 miles apart and your own needs prevent you from fixing that.

It's nothing to be ashamed of; it's just something that needs to be accepted. Forcing any component of compatibility is only going to lead to resentment and problems later.

Good luck.
 

Stuxnet

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2005
8,392
1
0
Originally posted by: bennylong
Originally posted by: MsDaisy
:brokenheart:

I have been dating the greatest guy on earth off and on (we've been long distance across the country during college) for two years. We lived together this summer and last summer and he's everything I could ask for. However, he's already headed off to law school and I got a terrific job offer (which will guarantee me getting into grad school in 1-2 years when I apply) on the other coast.

I care about him so much and love a lot but I just can't do a long distance relationship anymore. It was hard the past 2 years we'd been dating and it's just too painful seeing him after long stretches of time... I just couldn't do it longer. Furthermore, I tried getting a job near his law school but the employment opportunities and the research experience I'm going to gain from this job I have are tremendous and I'm excited to be working here.

So we decided to break up and did it this morning. However... I've been crying for the last 5hours straight, and am seriously scaring myself with how much grief I'm experiencing. If this was the 'right' decision, why do I feel so horrible? Did I make a terrible mistake? Will I ever find anyone as great as him?

....heartbroken....

what is more important to you? Love or career? seems like you made your choice

That's extremely naive and over-simplified. Are you even old enough to drive?
 

Stuxnet

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2005
8,392
1
0
Originally posted by: dug777
Originally posted by: flawlssdistortn
Originally posted by: dug777
:confused:

Dude, apparently she is a chick, so getting huge biceps isn't exactly going to make her feel great.
Since when is "working out" equated only with lifting weights? I run and swim frequently, and I find it to be very therapeutic. Gives me a chance to clear my head.

I wouldn't call going for a run 'working out' ;) I'd call it going for a run. (or alternatively destroying your knees ;)). I'd call going for a swim..guess what...going for a swim ;)

I think most people classify "working out" as any activity that is devoted to their own physical betterment. I run, play tennis, lift weights, and cycle. It's all "working out" in my book.
 

Stuxnet

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2005
8,392
1
0
Originally posted by: bennylong
Yea, why do people put some much effort into their job and not love? You can always find a new job, but you can't always find someone to love. Damn those feminist and their career oriented value.

Because not everyone is like you. Some people want more out of life than just a relationship with a partner. Some people have other needs, motivations, and aspirations. Some people have the need to feel like their contributing on a grander scale or they feel the need to achieve certain goals in their life outside of one-on-one relationships.

I love my wife, and my marriage is very important to me. However, I *need* (not "want"... NEED) more out of life than just a fulfilling relationship with my spouse. Careers, for some people, are inherently important to them. It's not a decision they're making, it's just who they are. You need to be accepting of that, because we weren't all formed from the same damn cookie cutter. You're not more noble and respectable just because you're willing to sacrifice everything else for the person you love. That's just who you are. It's how you're wired. Someone else might be wired to place more emphasis on teaching, or contributing to science. That doesn't make them less deserving of a love life. It's just how they're wired.

Get off your high horse.
 

dug777

Lifer
Oct 13, 2004
24,778
4
0
Originally posted by: jbourne77
Originally posted by: dug777
Originally posted by: flawlssdistortn
Originally posted by: dug777
:confused:

Dude, apparently she is a chick, so getting huge biceps isn't exactly going to make her feel great.
Since when is "working out" equated only with lifting weights? I run and swim frequently, and I find it to be very therapeutic. Gives me a chance to clear my head.

I wouldn't call going for a run 'working out' ;) I'd call it going for a run. (or alternatively destroying your knees ;)). I'd call going for a swim..guess what...going for a swim ;)

I think most people classify "working out" as any activity that is devoted to their own physical betterment. I run, play tennis, lift weights, and cycle. It's all "working out" in my book.

I'd NEVER call playing a game 'working out' ;) As neither would i call running or going for a swim, or even riding my bike...

Different strokes for different folks, but i reckon you'd get some pretty strange looks if you told your mates you were working out, then were forced to admit you actually went for a walk or had a game of tennis ;)
 

DaShen

Lifer
Dec 1, 2000
10,710
1
0
Originally posted by: MsDaisy
:brokenheart:

I have been dating the greatest guy on earth off and on (we've been long distance across the country during college) for two years. We lived together this summer and last summer and he's everything I could ask for. However, he's already headed off to law school and I got a terrific job offer (which will guarantee me getting into grad school in 1-2 years when I apply) on the other coast.

I care about him so much and love a lot but I just can't do a long distance relationship anymore. It was hard the past 2 years we'd been dating and it's just too painful seeing him after long stretches of time... I just couldn't do it longer. Furthermore, I tried getting a job near his law school but the employment opportunities and the research experience I'm going to gain from this job I have are tremendous and I'm excited to be working here.

So we decided to break up and did it this morning. However... I've been crying for the last 5hours straight, and am seriously scaring myself with how much grief I'm experiencing. If this was the 'right' decision, why do I feel so horrible? Did I make a terrible mistake? Will I ever find anyone as great as him?

....heartbroken....

I am really sorry about that. :( I have a friend who went through something very similar. She is still coping with the loss. I pray for her every once in a while.

Give it time. Trust me, there is a great guy out there for you that will "rock your world" and turn your life upside down, and when you find him, your old relationships will feel like distant memories. In the meantime, give yourself time to grieve, don't take the advice of ATOTers and start immediately dating (don't add drama to your life). Focus on your work, family, and friends, and in a year or so, you will be better.
 

lyssword

Diamond Member
Dec 15, 2005
5,630
25
91
umm do you guys know how difficult it is for females to get "big biceps"? I would say to get medium-sized biceps (lets say like an average healthy man has) a woman would probably have to work out for 10+ years with weights. Saying women are capable to bulk up from a couple of workouts is a myth..
 

DaShen

Lifer
Dec 1, 2000
10,710
1
0
Originally posted by: jbourne77
Originally posted by: bennylong
Originally posted by: MsDaisy
:brokenheart:

I have been dating the greatest guy on earth off and on (we've been long distance across the country during college) for two years. We lived together this summer and last summer and he's everything I could ask for. However, he's already headed off to law school and I got a terrific job offer (which will guarantee me getting into grad school in 1-2 years when I apply) on the other coast.

I care about him so much and love a lot but I just can't do a long distance relationship anymore. It was hard the past 2 years we'd been dating and it's just too painful seeing him after long stretches of time... I just couldn't do it longer. Furthermore, I tried getting a job near his law school but the employment opportunities and the research experience I'm going to gain from this job I have are tremendous and I'm excited to be working here.

So we decided to break up and did it this morning. However... I've been crying for the last 5hours straight, and am seriously scaring myself with how much grief I'm experiencing. If this was the 'right' decision, why do I feel so horrible? Did I make a terrible mistake? Will I ever find anyone as great as him?

....heartbroken....

what is more important to you? Love or career? seems like you made your choice

That's extremely naive and over-simplified. Are you even old enough to drive?

QFT
 

DaShen

Lifer
Dec 1, 2000
10,710
1
0
Originally posted by: jbourne77
Originally posted by: bennylong
Yea, why do people put some much effort into their job and not love? You can always find a new job, but you can't always find someone to love. Damn those feminist and their career oriented value.

Because not everyone is like you. Some people want more out of life than just a relationship with a partner. Some people have other needs, motivations, and aspirations. Some people have the need to feel like their contributing on a grander scale or they feel the need to achieve certain goals in their life outside of one-on-one relationships.

I love my wife, and my marriage is very important to me. However, I *need* (not "want"... NEED) more out of life than just a fulfilling relationship with my spouse. Careers, for some people, are inherently important to them. It's not a decision they're making, it's just who they are. You need to be accepting of that, because we weren't all formed from the same damn cookie cutter. You're not more noble and respectable just because you're willing to sacrifice everything else for the person you love. That's just who you are. It's how you're wired. Someone else might be wired to place more emphasis on teaching, or contributing to science. That doesn't make them less deserving of a love life. It's just how they're wired.

Get off your high horse.

Again QFT!
 

GasX

Lifer
Feb 8, 2001
29,033
6
81
Originally posted by: bennylong
Originally posted by: flawlssdistortn
Originally posted by: bennylong
what is more important to you? Love or career? seems like you made your choice
Well I suppose this confirms your theory about modern women :disgust:


damn straight. so many women in their 30's and single with a 6 figure income but haven't realized what's more important in life.

I'm going to China and marry me some country bumpkin where they value family more than $$$$ g' yall shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Your country bumpkin will be marrying you because you are an American with money. How is that different, dumbass?

 

DaShen

Lifer
Dec 1, 2000
10,710
1
0
Originally posted by: Mwilding
Originally posted by: bennylong
Originally posted by: flawlssdistortn
Originally posted by: bennylong
what is more important to you? Love or career? seems like you made your choice
Well I suppose this confirms your theory about modern women :disgust:


damn straight. so many women in their 30's and single with a 6 figure income but haven't realized what's more important in life.

I'm going to China and marry me some country bumpkin where they value family more than $$$$ g' yall shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Your country bumpkin will be marrying you because you are an American with money. How is that different, dumbass?

QFT, bennylong, the more you say stuff like this, the more I realize, being a "nerd" or "geek" isn't the reason you're single. Try finding some good friends and hanging out with girls just to hang out, not to "hook up" and you will slowly start to change your mind about the opposite sex.

BTW, I have found that most girls from China tend to be very, VERY conscious of money, so at least in my experience, your asinine statement is just that, asinine.
 

Stuxnet

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2005
8,392
1
0
Bennylong is either going to remain a virgin forever, or he's going to end up marrying some gold digger who will rape him financially.

Either way, it will be good for a laugh.
 

pontifex

Lifer
Dec 5, 2000
43,804
46
91
Originally posted by: LolaWiz
Originally posted by: moshquerade
nice first post.

aren't there any other boards out there for you to talk about relationship issues?
contrary to popular belief this isn't supposed to be that kind of board.

interesting.... one post... no response.... a GIRL... and a post about an end of a relationship as an entrance into a "computer off topic" forum... interesting.

(sorry for being so b!tchy this morning.)

aww, is she taking away some of your attention? lol. ;)
i wondered the same thing too.