Diagnose me ATOT

[Jeraden]

I haven't been feeling very well this past week. Can anyone help me out, I'm too lazy to see a doctor.

Terrible headache
Blurred vision, temporary blindness
complete numbness of my right arm
temporarily paralysis of my legs
inability to speak
shortness of breath
I blackout every hour or so
I can't remember my name
there is a pool of blood beneath me, I think its mine, not sure
there is this wierd greenish rash on the back of my arms
I haven't gone to the bathroom in over a week
I see a white light at the end of a tunnel calling my name

Think I might just have a cold. Maybe in a few days it will go away. Any advice?

 

[leftyman]

syphilis.

 

[RagingBITCH]

Are you in prison?

 

[monk3y]

Is this a riddle or something?

 

[Platypus]

holy crap long time no see

 

[leftyman]

Originally posted by: monk3y
Is this a riddle or something?

a bad parody of countless sickness/diagnose me please threads.

 

[KK]

sounds like a mild case of poison ivy

 

[Injury]

You're an emo song!

 

[Bootprint]

Originally posted by: leftyman
syphilis.

Yes, and Stage 3 at that.


I found the a way that they can save you. Problem is it involves graffing your head on to Richard Simmons body.

 

[sixone]

Acupuncture is the only cure. Use toothpicks, if you have them on hand.

 

[j00fek]

teh herpes

 

[meltdown75]

hangover

 

[FoBoT]

shens

 

[bonkers325]

symptoms of a heart attack

 

[mzkhadir]

Originally posted by: FoBoT
shens

 

[RichardE]

Just a cold, go to bed and relax, you will be fine.

 

[Ktulu]

Originally posted by: Jeraden
I haven't been feeling very well this past week. Can anyone help me out, I'm too lazy to see a doctor.

Terrible headache
Blurred vision, temporary blindness
complete numbness of my right arm
temporarily paralysis of my legs
inability to speak
shortness of breath
I blackout every hour or so
I can't remember my name
there is a pool of blood beneath me, I think its mine, not sure
there is this wierd greenish rash on the back of my arms
I haven't gone to the bathroom in over a week
I see a white light at the end of a tunnel calling my name

Think I might just have a cold. Maybe in a few days it will go away. Any advice?

Survival of the fittest my friend.......you lose!

 

[funboy6942]

I am a doctor, NOT, and you have the clear symptoms of Dickfallingofficesiss with a mild association complication of Jerkinittoooftenitice. Only cure I know for this condition is to pop a glass rod down the shaft of the penis and whack it with a hammer several times till the glass shards pierce the skin of the penis causing you to piss in several directions out of several holes, furthing causing an infection several days later, of course, forcing you to finally to see a real doctor for proper treatment.

I, NOR Anandtech, hold any responsibility for your stupidity if you really think I am a real doctor and try this treatment. And if your that stupid to try please post pictures

 

[NuroMancer]

See. A. Doctor.

 

[Juno]

are you the next dvk940 (sp??)

 

[blackdogdeek]

that'll buff right out