As others are getting at, your conception of routers and router security is a bit unclear. There are two basic concepts here that I don't think you've separated:
1) Security of the router itself - For a typical small home installation, this is pretty much a non-issue. Consumer-level routers don't have many features that leave them open to attack - they just route packets to wherever they're supposed to go. All you generally need to do here is set the router's admin password to something unobvious. Maybe also limit admin access so that only a particular IP address in your network can use the admin pages. I haven't checked out any of these units recently, but I think that most now deny any kind of remote access on the external interface, so you don't even need to worry about that. Using a high-end router (e.g. Cisco) or a custom *nix box is actually worse in this area because they contain lots more features for you to be aware of and secure properly.
2) Security of the services behind the router - This seems to be what you're thinking of. This part is really the job of a firewall program, which may or may not be part of the physical router itself. And this is where high-end or custom built routers have a lot more features, but I'd ask whether you really need them. Most consumer-level routers will let you forward specific ports to specific hosts, and unless you're a particularly high-value target, that along with keeping your servers up to date may be all you need. Just forward whatever ports you need (80 for HTTP, etc.) to the appropriate server. If you really want to geek out on security, a *nix box is the cheapest way to get a serious firewall program that will let you inspect packets, keep logs, and do other fancy tricks. But if you're going that route, you need to understand TCP/IP as well as the firewall's OS pretty well to make sure that you don't in fact make things less secure by leaving services unsecured.
Only you can decide what level of security you need, but given your statements so far, I'd suggest that a decent consumer router would be simple and secure enough for what you're protecting.