Dear Abby

[ThePresence]

Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning.

When I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is everyone knows
he cheats on me. It is so humiliating! Also, since he lost his job two
years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is sit around
the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the
bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to
like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed Clueless


Dear Clueless:

Dump him. You're a New York senator now. You don't need him anymore.

 

[Orsorum]

Sounds about right.

Heck, that sounds like me on weekends. I can go for three days without putting on pants!

 

[nutxo]

 

[Perknose]

Dear Abby,

Please help, I am so lonely. My husband has never had a job that his Daddy's high placed friends didn't arrange for him. This has never been a problem in the past, as he seldom showed up for any of them, including the one where he had to wear a uniform (I think he was some kind of security guard).

So, we've always been very close and spent lots of time together. I used to spend whole days trying to teach him to read. Seeing him moving his lips while trying to decipher the larger two syllable words in Nancy Drew was just adorable.

Sure, we've had our problems . . . the drugs, the alcohol, the DUI's . . . but we've been a pair through it all. We even got through that incident last year where he fell off the wagon and got a big hurty on his face. We told people he choked on a pretzel and they believed us!

But this newest job his Daddy's friends got him really has me worried. They make him go out in public and recite long speeches from a teleprompter. He doesn't understand a word, and just stumbles through, as best he can. He comes back so angry and humiliated, I'm afraid he might do something really really terrible that might hurt or even kill tens of thousands of people, just to boost his fragile self esteem.

But that's not the part that has me so upset. You see, at this new job, there's this skinny black biatch who just keeps coming on to him in the most obvious of ways. He says the stupidest of things (we all know how my husband can be) and she just flat out agrees with him! I recently heard her refer to him as "my husband"! I'm so deathly afraid for our marriage, my face is a permanently frozen mask of fear! What can I do?


Signed Texas Cheerleader


Dear Texas Cheerleader,

Not to worry. These things have a way of working themselves out. I have a strong feeling you will have your husband back full time by the beginning of next year. Believe in the collective wisdom. We Americans have a saying, "It takes a nation to retire an idiot."

 

[ThePresence]

Originally posted by: Perknose
Dear Abby,

Please help, I am so lonely. My husband has never had a job that his Daddy's high placed friends didn't arrange for him. This has never been a problem in the past, as he seldom showed up for any of them, including the one where he had to wear a uniform (I think he was some kind of security guard).

So, we've always been very close and spent lots of time together. I used to spend whole days trying to teach him to read. Seeing him moving his lips while trying to decipher the larger two syllable words in Nancy Drew was just adorable.

Sure, we've had our problems . . . the drugs, the alcohol, the DUI's . . . but we've been a pair through it all. We even got through that incident last year where he fell off the wagon and got a big hurty on his face. We told people he choked on a pretzel and they believed us!

But this newest job his Daddy's friends got him really has me worried. They make him go out in public and recite long speeches from a teleprompter. He doesn't understand a word, and just stumbles through, as best he can. He comes back so angry and humiliated, I'm afraid he might do something really really terrible that might hurt or even kill tens of thousands of people, just to boost his fragile self esteem.

But that's not the part that has me so upset. You see, at this new job, there's this skinny black biatch who just keeps coming on to him in the most obvious of ways. He says the stupidest of things (we all know how my husband can be) and she just flat out agrees with him! I recently heard her refer to him as "my husband"! I'm so deathly afraid for our marriage, my face is a permanently frozen mask of fear! What can I do?


Signed Texas Cheerleader


Dear Texas Cheerleader,

Not to worry. These things have a way of working themselves out. I have a strong feeling you will have your husband back full time by the beginning of next year. Believe in the collective wisdom. We Americans have a saying, "It takes a nation to retire an idiot."

Nice one.

 

[Fausto]

LMFAO....those are both pretty damn funny.