Dating in a rape culture

[shortylickens]

The struggle is real.



http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/04/rape-culture-dating/



I'm thinking maybe a chaperone would solve most of these problems.
I also had a good chuckle at the rest of the site.

 

[mikeymikec]

The struggle is real.

I'm thinking maybe a chaperone would solve most of these problems.
I also had a good chuckle at the rest of the site.

Sarcasm combined with acknowledgement and amusement?

Overall conclusion: Not bad, as far as snide comments go. Odd things amuse you.

I think the comic strip covers the topic concisely.

 

[Blue_Max]

That's some industrial-strength brainwashing detergent on that site... *shudder*

 

[Ancalagon44]

What does the comic have to do with the mythical "rape culture"?

Meeting for the first time in a public place is a sensible thing to do - whether or not rape culture exists.

 

[Paratus]

What does the comic have to do with the mythical "rape culture"?

Meeting for the first time in a public place is a sensible thing to do - whether or not rape culture exists.

The "mythical rape culture" is pretty clearly shown for women in the comic by the risk analysis the woman has to go through on where and how to meet. It's contrast to how a man would behave in the same situation is implied.

I'm sure if a woman you were interested in wanted to pick you up for a first date you wouldn't be thinking twice about it. Nor would you be concerned about being drugged and raped if you went back to her place.

The woman on the other hand needs to be. Her concerns in the comic don't appear to be irrational to me. Nor would a man in a similar situation be irrational for not being concerned about being drugged and raped.

And that's the "rape culture" in a nutshell. The burden of risk lies only on the woman and if she doesn't take the risk seriously she'll be potentially berated for allowing the harm to occur and if she voices her concern over the risk she'll be berated for being untrusting and overly fearful. At least by some.

Doesn't seem fair to me.

 

[Blue_Max]

The "mythical rape culture" is pretty clearly shown for women in the comic by the risk analysis the woman has to go through on where and how to meet. It's contrast to how a man would behave in the same situation is implied.

I'm sure if a woman you were interested in wanted to pick you up for a first date you wouldn't be thinking twice about it. Nor would you be concerned about being drugged and raped if you went back to her place.

The woman on the other hand needs to be. Her concerns in the comic don't appear to be irrational to me. Nor would a man in a similar situation be irrational for not being concerned about being drugged and raped.

And that's the "rape culture" in a nutshell. The burden of risk lies only on the woman and if she doesn't take the risk seriously she'll be potentially berated for allowing the harm to occur and if she voices her concern over the risk she'll be berated for being untrusting and overly fearful. At least by some.

Doesn't seem fair to me.

S'okay. Public meeting works best for BOTH people because the man now has to deal with a fear that she doesn't, and that's false abuse/rape accusation.
It's becoming rampant for false accusations to get guys in trouble with the law, usually as a punishment for making her mad for any reason.

He never called after last night's consentual sex? Well now she's mad and that consent is withdrawn!

The last six weeks were fantastic but now he doesn't want to buy her stuff anymore? She's mad and 'consentual' is now 'rape'.

He doesn't have as much money as he alluded to! Lying about wealth to attract mates is RAPE!! (all real-world examples, sadly.)

Cops, get in there (following the Deluth model) and punish him for making me mad! Make him suffer terribly for the crime of offending me! (Prison rape would be best, please!)


...so, yeah... call it 'rape culture' if you like (despite the fact everyone hates rapists and they're punished savagely for it) but it's something else entirely going on. Something is definitely driving a wedge between the genders to completely stop us from enjoying each others' company.


You want to see rape culture, look to the middle east and try your activism there. :thumbsup:

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

I think the comic strip covers the topic concisely.

Wanna know how I know you are a woman?

 

[Paratus]

S'okay. Public meeting works best for BOTH people because the man now has to deal with a fear that she doesn't, and that's false abuse/rape accusation.
It's becoming rampant for false accusations to get guys in trouble with the law, usually as a punishment for making her mad for any reason.

He never called after last night's consentual sex? Well now she's mad and that consent is withdrawn!

The last six weeks were fantastic but now he doesn't want to buy her stuff anymore? She's mad and 'consentual' is now 'rape'.

He doesn't have as much money as he alluded to! Lying about wealth to attract mates is RAPE!! (all real-world examples, sadly.)

Cops, get in there (following the Deluth model) and punish him for making me mad! Make him suffer terribly for the crime of offending me! (Prison rape would be best, please!)


...so, yeah... call it 'rape culture' if you like (despite the fact everyone hates rapists and they're punished savagely for it) but it's something else entirely going on. Something is definitely driving a wedge between the genders to completely stop us from enjoying each others' company.


You want to see rape culture, look to the middle east and try your activism there. :thumbsup:

So to sum up your points:

• The real problem isn't rape it's false rape accusations
• False rape reports are skyrocketing
• Bluemax is the real victim
• Oh the real rape problem is with Muslims

Well that's definitely a post... I read today.

 

[Jaskalas]

Risk? It's called a cell phone. /thread

Online you provide an address of where you're going, maybe GPS tracking the whole time. When you first meet you take a picture of each other. Your safety is now their responsibility, and the police know exactly who to ask if you go missing.

When it comes to "he said / she said", unfortunately that's true of literally every private moment in your life. Won't change from the first date through your most senior days. Word is almost all there is when it comes to consent. Unless there's a clear video... but I digress with easy solutions.

Realistically, if you're not making a porno your only option is to physically resist and fight back. Remember you've already proven "he" is responsible for you. If you get harmed, go to the police. If you go missing, he's toast. Make him know that.

See, most the risk previously was that no one would know where you were. Or who you were with. Today you can make that public record "on the fly", via cell phones and the internet. Proof that he was responsible for you is quite easy to obtain. Once this social reality sinks in... and potential criminals know they cannot "get away" with crimes, it's going to be a lot less common than it is, even today.

 

[Greenman]

The world has changed so much since I was a young man, and so little of that change was for the better.

 

[waggy]

well I do agree with the point of the comic. 1st date do not go to his apartment for the date. that's a bad idea.

ANYONE would be a little put off by that. Meet in public at a bar, resturant, bowling alley. something. it's best for both parties.

 

[DougK62]

I didn't look at the rest of the website but really like that comic and how it portrays the reality of our "rape culture", although I don't care for that term. It's something I'd share with my teenage nieces. There are a lot of asshole guys out there.

 

[Moonbeam]

The struggle is real.



http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/04/rape-culture-dating/



I'm thinking maybe a chaperone would solve most of these problems.
I also had a good chuckle at the rest of the site.

What would solve your problems would be becoming a man. You spend all your time focused on your worries inadequacies and fears instead of being real. Relax and be happy and a real woman will find you. And as for being happy, fucking forget about it. Don't chase after it and it will look for you. Stop thinking and start being. I love you. You already won first prize. You won the hardest contest so now just relax.

 

[Subyman]

The "mythical rape culture" is pretty clearly shown for women in the comic by the risk analysis the woman has to go through on where and how to meet. It's contrast to how a man would behave in the same situation is implied.

I'm sure if a woman you were interested in wanted to pick you up for a first date you wouldn't be thinking twice about it. Nor would you be concerned about being drugged and raped if you went back to her place.

The woman on the other hand needs to be. Her concerns in the comic don't appear to be irrational to me. Nor would a man in a similar situation be irrational for not being concerned about being drugged and raped.

And that's the "rape culture" in a nutshell. The burden of risk lies only on the woman and if she doesn't take the risk seriously she'll be potentially berated for allowing the harm to occur and if she voices her concern over the risk she'll be berated for being untrusting and overly fearful. At least by some.

Doesn't seem fair to me.

Great analysis. :thumbsup:

 

[Exophase]

The "mythical rape culture" is pretty clearly shown for women in the comic by the risk analysis the woman has to go through on where and how to meet. It's contrast to how a man would behave in the same situation is implied.

I'm sure if a woman you were interested in wanted to pick you up for a first date you wouldn't be thinking twice about it. Nor would you be concerned about being drugged and raped if you went back to her place.

The woman on the other hand needs to be. Her concerns in the comic don't appear to be irrational to me. Nor would a man in a similar situation be irrational for not being concerned about being drugged and raped.

And that's the "rape culture" in a nutshell. The burden of risk lies only on the woman and if she doesn't take the risk seriously she'll be potentially berated for allowing the harm to occur and if she voices her concern over the risk she'll be berated for being untrusting and overly fearful. At least by some.

Doesn't seem fair to me.

While men may not think about it I would strongly encourage everyone to not agree to be picked up by someone they met online for a first date. Regardless of their gender or the (alleged) gender of the person they're meeting.

Women are at greater risk, yes, but the risk for men is hardly zero. There's no precise calculation that justifies saying it's rational for women to be cautious and irrational for men to be.

 

[mikeymikec]

Risk? It's called a cell phone.

I think most people would place the emphasis on trying to avoid getting raped, murdered and dumped in a ditch, rather than "Hah! The jokes's on you, rapist! I left evidence behind that will hopefully get you caught!".

That's just aside from the possibility (for example) that a rapist sets up a fake profile with fake details, the only real one being a meeting place that perhaps allows them to intercept the victim before they get there. After incapacitating their victim, their phone is disabled/destroyed, then the rapist drives off with the victim in the boot/trunk.

Let's say the victim was super-careful and let a load of people that they were going on a first date with all the details, the victim could be floating in a river 50 miles away by the time that the police possibly take the missing person report seriously.

 

[Blue_Max]

So to sum up your points:

• The real problem isn't rape it's false rape accusations
• False rape reports are skyrocketing
• Bluemax is the real victim
• Oh the real rape problem is with Muslims

Well that's definitely a post... I read today.

If that's how you have to twist it in order to believe women are perpetual victims, that's on you.

#1, BOTH are significant problems and at frighteningly similar rates. In some countries, the number of false claims are significantly higher than actual incidents because it instantly grants her free government benefits.

#2, rates in Canada/US are getting as high as 50% of reports proving false - I'd say that's a big fk'ing deal and worth discussing.

#3, why do you 'progressives' love this one? Just because I'm calling out the bullshit the progressives believe doesn't mean I'm seeking the victim status the progressives desire.

#4, the muslim world is the only one in which a rape culture exists in humans. Well, that and prisons everywhere.


So a woman has to concern herself about her personal safety, so does he in a different way. That does NOT mean or prove that we live in a normalized rape culture - it's called personal responsibility for one's safety in pretty much ANY circumstance involving a stranger (or either gender, no less.)

 

[zinfamous]

Gamergaters still mostly defend Cosby out of anger that his raping being publicly exposed has taken away one of their favorite tools: pills.

 

[Paratus]

While men may not think about it I would strongly encourage everyone to not agree to be picked up by someone they met online for a first date. Regardless of their gender or the (alleged) gender of the person they're meeting.

Women are at greater risk, yes, but the risk for men is hardly zero. There's no precise calculation that justifies saying it's rational for women to be cautious and irrational for men to be.

This chart does seem to support your assertions:

(I found it while googling around so it may not be completely applicable. The data appears to be from Canada )

Women are more than twice as likely as men to be sexually assaulted. Men appear to be 50% more likely to be physically assaulted or robbed.

The biggest difference I see is in how each crime and victim are treated.
This isn't likely to ever happen to a man who was robbed:

Stopping victim blaming would go a ways to fixing part of the problem.

I agree with you that everyone should be responsible for their safety. However no one should be blamed for the illegal actions of another.

I think most people would place the emphasis on trying to avoid getting raped, murdered and dumped in a ditch, rather than "Hah! The jokes's on you, rapist! I left evidence behind that will hopefully get you caught!".

That's just aside from the possibility (for example) that a rapist sets up a fake profile with fake details, the only real one being a meeting place that perhaps allows them to intercept the victim before they get there. After incapacitating their victim, their phone is disabled/destroyed, then the rapist drives off with the victim in the boot/trunk.

Let's say the victim was super-careful and let a load of people that they were going on a first date with all the details, the victim could be floating in a river 50 miles away by the time that the police possibly take the missing person report seriously.

While it's great that cell phones can partially mitigate the risk, he's missing the point that women still have that risk to deal with.

 

[Exophase]

The biggest difference I see is in how each crime and victim are treated.
This isn't likely to ever happen to a man who was robbed:

And how much do women experience this today? Seems like it's easier now for people to bring up hypothetical illustrations or historical incidents than current examples. My impression is that most of society's treatment of rape and victim blaming has already changed, and that's a good thing.

Call out this crap if and when you see it happening, of course. But I have a hard time accepting that the numerous claims that this is still the status quo and what women have to go through.

 

[Paratus]

If that's how you have to twist it in order to believe women are perpetual victims, that's on you.

#1, BOTH are significant problems and at frighteningly similar rates. In some countries, the number of false claims are significantly higher than actual incidents because it instantly grants her free government benefits.

#2, rates in Canada/US are getting as high as 50% of reports proving false - I'd say that's a big fk'ing deal and worth discussing.

#3, why do you 'progressives' love this one? Just because I'm calling out the bullshit the progressives believe doesn't mean I'm seeking the victim status the progressives desire.

#4, the muslim world is the only one in which a rape culture exists in humans. Well, that and prisons everywhere.


So a woman has to concern herself about her personal safety, so does he in a different way. That does NOT mean or prove that we live in a normalized rape culture - it's called personal responsibility for one's safety in pretty much ANY circumstance involving a stranger (or either gender, no less.)

I'm open to some statistics showing rates of false accusations being similar or higher than actual rapes. Data from reputable peer reviewed studies please.

Most of your posts are on the oppression of men by women. My assumption is you are a man and believe you are being oppressed. If that's not the case you may want to change the tone of your posts. I'm not the only one who's come to that conclusion apparently.

While fundamentalists have significant issues with women, the "entire Muslim world" does not. Fundamentalists of all religion tend to be regressive towards equal rights. It also has no bearing on the topic at hand.

 

[Phanuel]

And you probably believe that hilarious 1 in 5 women will be raped statistic too.

You're an idiot and continuing to debate with you is utterly pointless.

 

[alcoholbob]

I think the point hes making isnt that men face no risks (men sometimes get robbed or beaten or even killed on dates) I think the point he is making is the Victorian one of--sperm is plentiful but eggs are precious--as such men are disposable and thus any risks they face is irrelevant, where as any time a woman is at risk of anything society needs to erect a safe space for her.

 

[Blue_Max]

I'm open to some statistics showing rates of false accusations being similar or higher than actual rapes. Data from reputable peer reviewed studies please.

Best I can manage on short notice is this article: http://www.bloombergview.com/articles/2014-09-19/how-many-rape-reports-are-false which is the most balanced and fair I've found so far. It describes how unknown the real number is, and how few sources there are to go by, but that the feminist-preferred figure of 2% is very wrong.

It links to this peer-reviewed study (a rarity!) but it's a monsterous PDF which looks like a painful drudge to read: http://sf-criminaldefense.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/KaninFalseRapeAllegations.pdf and the article fairly says that it's the stats for a town, not a large city.

What's happening in Spain appears to be a concentrated country-wide version of family courts in the western world, where the accusation of abuse (sexual or otherwise) is called the "magic bullet" because it almost guarantees a decisive victory (for women only) in which the victor gets everything and the defeated will continue to $pay for decades.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjgBfklmYj8


...BTW, your gif trying to equate robbery with sexual assault is terrible in how inaccurate & wrong it is. The "oh wow, now I know! fuck the patriarchy!" line shows the obvious slant the writer hoped to achieve.

 

[rpanic]

Only one solution, women have to bring a willing copilot to partake in everything.