here ya go 
subject: Year 2000 Darwin Awards
> >
> >
> >They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin
> >Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who provided the
> >universal human
> >gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most
> extraordinarily
> >stupid way.
> >
> >As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some
> >candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!
> >
> > CANDIDATES
> >
> >1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
> > two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch
wide
> > sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
> >
> >2. In October, a 49 year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
> > zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off
a
> > 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
> >
> >3. Buston, Nc: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
> > into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel
> > Jones
> >21,
> > dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
> > sitting in
> > a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
> > burying
> > him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer
> > banks, used
> > their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
> > resident of
> > Woodbridge, VA but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using
> > heavy
> > equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
> > people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at the hospital.
> >
> >4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24 was killed in Lornpoc, Ca as he
> > fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
> > burglarizing.
> > Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
> (to
> >keep
> > his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
> floor.
> >
> >5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadit Nick Berrena, 20 was
> > stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23 who
> was
> > trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flack vest
> > Berrena was
> > wearing.
> >
> >6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26 was killed in February in Selbyville, DE,
> > as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
> loaded
> > with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
> >
> >7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
> > 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, this earning
> > a tie
> > in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
> >
> >8. Taos, NM, A woman went to a poison control center after eating three
> > birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to
> draw
> a
> > picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A
> > translator arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors
> suspicions.
> > Marie Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or
> > gum, being
> > unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she
realized
> >something
> > was wrong with her throat and mouth began to fill with a
> > sour-tasting foam.
> > She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where
> > doctors
> > were able to flush the foam from her mouth, throat and stomach with
> > no ill
> >effects.
> >
> >9. La Grange, Ga attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
> > center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog
> > drags the
> >thing
> > all over the house," he said later. "he must have dragged it into
the
> >shower.
> > slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat down right on
> the
> >thing,"
> > The extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that the
> cover
> > to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. He was a real
> > trooper
> > during the entire episode, said Dr. Dennis Crobe "Tony just
> > cracked jokes
> >and
> > really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times during the
> extraction
> > his phone rang and each time, he made jokes about it that just had
us
> >rolling
> > on the floor. By the time we finished, we really did expect to find
> an
> > answering machine in there."
> >
> >10. Bremererton, WA Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily were
engaging
> > in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading peanut butter
> > on his
> > genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them clean.
> Sadly,
> > Rudy lost control and began tearing at Christopher's penis and
> > testicles.
> >Rudy
> > refused to obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a Half-gallon
> bottle
> > of perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and
> > Christopher
> > with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing away the
> > penis. While
> > trying to get her unconscious husband in the car to take him to the
> >hospital, Emily
> > fell twice, injuring her wrists and ankle. Christopher's penis was
> in
> a
> >Styrofoam ice cooler.
> >
> > "Chris is just plain lucky, "said the surgeon who spent eight
hours
> > reattaching the penis. "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out
> to
> be
> > very fortuitous. The high alcohol content, which must have been
> >excruciatingly
> > painful, helped sterilize the wound. Also, aside from it being
> removed,
> > the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is
minimal.
> > It's
> > really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter stands an
> excellent
> >chance of
> > regaining the use of that limb because of this." Washington Animal
> > Control has no plans to seize Rudy.
> >
> > AND THE WINNER:
> >
> >Paderborn, Germany - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
> >constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
> >bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally
> let
> >fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators
say
> >ill-fated Friedrich, 46 was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
> >olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck
> >full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
> >knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock
and
> lay
> >unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
> him.
> >
> > (and you thought you were having a bad day!)
> >
Ausm
subject: Year 2000 Darwin Awards> >
> >
> >They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin
> >Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who provided the
> >universal human
> >gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most
> extraordinarily
> >stupid way.
> >
> >As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some
> >candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!
> >
> > CANDIDATES
> >
> >1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
> > two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch
wide
> > sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
> >
> >2. In October, a 49 year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
> > zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off
a
> > 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
> >
> >3. Buston, Nc: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
> > into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel
> > Jones
> >21,
> > dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
> > sitting in
> > a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
> > burying
> > him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer
> > banks, used
> > their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
> > resident of
> > Woodbridge, VA but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using
> > heavy
> > equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
> > people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at the hospital.
> >
> >4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24 was killed in Lornpoc, Ca as he
> > fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
> > burglarizing.
> > Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
> (to
> >keep
> > his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
> floor.
> >
> >5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadit Nick Berrena, 20 was
> > stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23 who
> was
> > trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flack vest
> > Berrena was
> > wearing.
> >
> >6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26 was killed in February in Selbyville, DE,
> > as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
> loaded
> > with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
> >
> >7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
> > 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, this earning
> > a tie
> > in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
> >
> >8. Taos, NM, A woman went to a poison control center after eating three
> > birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to
> draw
> a
> > picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A
> > translator arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors
> suspicions.
> > Marie Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or
> > gum, being
> > unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she
realized
> >something
> > was wrong with her throat and mouth began to fill with a
> > sour-tasting foam.
> > She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where
> > doctors
> > were able to flush the foam from her mouth, throat and stomach with
> > no ill
> >effects.
> >
> >9. La Grange, Ga attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
> > center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog
> > drags the
> >thing
> > all over the house," he said later. "he must have dragged it into
the
> >shower.
> > slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat down right on
> the
> >thing,"
> > The extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that the
> cover
> > to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. He was a real
> > trooper
> > during the entire episode, said Dr. Dennis Crobe "Tony just
> > cracked jokes
> >and
> > really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times during the
> extraction
> > his phone rang and each time, he made jokes about it that just had
us
> >rolling
> > on the floor. By the time we finished, we really did expect to find
> an
> > answering machine in there."
> >
> >10. Bremererton, WA Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily were
engaging
> > in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading peanut butter
> > on his
> > genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them clean.
> Sadly,
> > Rudy lost control and began tearing at Christopher's penis and
> > testicles.
> >Rudy
> > refused to obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a Half-gallon
> bottle
> > of perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and
> > Christopher
> > with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing away the
> > penis. While
> > trying to get her unconscious husband in the car to take him to the
> >hospital, Emily
> > fell twice, injuring her wrists and ankle. Christopher's penis was
> in
> a
> >Styrofoam ice cooler.
> >
> > "Chris is just plain lucky, "said the surgeon who spent eight
hours
> > reattaching the penis. "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out
> to
> be
> > very fortuitous. The high alcohol content, which must have been
> >excruciatingly
> > painful, helped sterilize the wound. Also, aside from it being
> removed,
> > the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is
minimal.
> > It's
> > really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter stands an
> excellent
> >chance of
> > regaining the use of that limb because of this." Washington Animal
> > Control has no plans to seize Rudy.
> >
> > AND THE WINNER:
> >
> >Paderborn, Germany - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
> >constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
> >bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally
> let
> >fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators
say
> >ill-fated Friedrich, 46 was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
> >olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck
> >full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
> >knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock
and
> lay
> >unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
> him.
> >
> > (and you thought you were having a bad day!)
> >
Ausm
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