Dads: Offer advice for the Delivery Room/Prep

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: Patt

Originally posted by: krunchykrome
They poop during the labor?

Apparently around %50 of them do ... similar muscles involved in the pushing I suppose

Wow. After hearing about all this stuff and the pooping and the actual labor and fluids and such, I dont think there is anything beautiful about the actual labor. Magical, yes. Beautiful, no.

But what do I know, I dont have a kid yet.

 

[Maximus96]

Originally posted by: Patt

Originally posted by: krunchykrome
They poop during the labor?

Apparently around %50 of them do ... similar muscles involved in the pushing I suppose

exactly the same muscle. its like one big constipation.

 

[Bryophyte]

Ok, I'm not a dad, I'm a mom, but I've been through it twice and can tell you what she might want/need.

Know exactly what she wants so that you can help communicate with the midwife/nurse/doctor if she goes into 'laborland'.

Bring something you can eat so that nobody has to be taking care of you because you're feeling hypoglycemic after six hours of labor.

If she tells you that she doesn't want you to touch her, listen to her. I felt like I was going to vomit every time someone touched me when I was in labor the first time.

If she doesn't get enough fluids, she might need to get an IV to replace what she's not drinking. When she's actively pushing, it is EXACTLY the same type of pushing as when she poops, so don't EVER mention it if she does a little bit. That's pretty normal.

Remember: full term is 38-42 weeks. If she's due in 2 weeks, she's actually due anytime from today 'til a month from now. Both of my kids came at 38 weeks, and it's not uncommon to give birth that early, so make sure you're both TOTALLY ready right now.

If she does it all unmedicated, remember that she won't be able to sleep pretty much from when the contractions start until some time after the birth. That means that if she goes into labor in the evening and has the baby 24 hours later, she can go without sleep for a LONG time. If baby is fussy, she won't be able to sleep (there's some hormonal thing from birth through the first, oh, at least couple weeks, where baby crying will almost instill panic.) You might need to take baby into another room to soothe him/her so she can sleep. My firstborn screamed bloody murder for the first five or six hours after birth and my spouse decided to ignore him and take a nap in the chair in the hospital room. :| Don't do that. She's the one who just gave birth and is exhausted, you can go without sleep a little while longer.

Oh, and make sure that you and she know who you do and do not want in the room at particular times, and let the nurses know. They can and will bar people from coming into the room if you ask, and you can let them be the 'bad guy' so that relatives won't blame you for not letting them watch your wife pop out the kid.

 

[Feldenak]

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt
I recommend you do things the old fashioned way. Wait outside with a bottle of bourbon, some cigars/cigarettes and a fistfull of valium. Let the professionals handle the icky stuff, you're not qualified.

 

[Patt]

Originally posted by: rudder
Do you have relatives nearby? The nurses will not let any one in the room if you ask. Seems rude, but it is a special time. My wifes family getting coming in and my wife was doing a natural pregnancy. They just would not get the message to leave. The nurses don't have a problem pushing people out the door.

Yeah, her parents are in town, and her Mom probably wants to be involved, whereas neither of us see the need Her Mom has huge problems seeing her in pain (and in fact had 2 c-sections rather than labor herself), so I don't want that influence in the room telling her that drugs will help.

The evil part of me would love to see a battle-axe nurse bustling my mother-in-law out of the room :evil:

 

[Mr N8]

The only reason you are in the room is because it's expected. The Dr and nurses will give you jobs that are helpful but they really could be done without you.

Oh, and when you cut the umbilical cord, don't try to do it all in one snip or it will be like dull scissors on a giant rubber hose. First cut 1/3 of the way through work well.

 

[Maximus96]

its not pretty, but it will be the happiest moment in your life. it was for me.

 

[RKS]

Originally posted by: Patt

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Epidural. That's the only thing you need to remember.

If you took a lamaze class just throw all that crap out the window. That's what hospitals, doctors and nurses are for.

Just try to make her and yourself as comfortable as possible because you might be there for a long time. It was 13 hours for us.

Did she go in wanting an epidural? My wife doesn't want that sort of medical intervention unless absolutely necessary. I know her limits, and her preferences so I can help her make the decision when the time comes. However, I also know that unless she gives the green light, there will be no epidural, I won't override anything like that.

Trust Me as JulesMaximus. Get the damn Epidural. My wife wanted to go natural both times and ended up with the epidural.


BTW: We bought a doll and put like baby lotion on it to get our dog familiar with a new entity and corresponding smells a few weeks before the 1st arrival. Now the kids use Bacon as a step-ladder and food disposal.

My main concern with our dog was any food/toy issues so as soon as we could I worked with taking away and returning food and toys so my dog would never snap if anyone accidently went too close to him during feeding time.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: rudder
Do you have relatives nearby? The nurses will not let any one in the room if you ask. Seems rude, but it is a special time. My wifes family getting coming in and my wife was doing a natural pregnancy. They just would not get the message to leave. The nurses don't have a problem pushing people out the door.

My wife's sister would not leave. even when my wife told her to get out. finally a nurse came in and seen that my wife was not in a good mood and shoved her out the door and told her not to come in again or she would be in trouble.

this is not a family (well besides you and her) event (unless wife wants it).

 

[Patt]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Ok, I'm not a dad, I'm a mom, but I've been through it twice and can tell you what she might want/need.

Know exactly what she wants so that you can help communicate with the midwife/nurse/doctor if she goes into 'laborland'.

Bring something you can eat so that nobody has to be taking care of you because you're feeling hypoglycemic after six hours of labor.

If she tells you that she doesn't want you to touch her, listen to her. I felt like I was going to vomit every time someone touched me when I was in labor the first time.

If she doesn't get enough fluids, she might need to get an IV to replace what she's not drinking. When she's actively pushing, it is EXACTLY the same type of pushing as when she poops, so don't EVER mention it if she does a little bit. That's pretty normal.

Remember: full term is 38-42 weeks. If she's due in 2 weeks, she's actually due anytime from today 'til a month from now. Both of my kids came at 38 weeks, and it's not uncommon to give birth that early, so make sure you're both TOTALLY ready right now.

If she does it all unmedicated, remember that she won't be able to sleep pretty much from when the contractions start until some time after the birth. That means that if she goes into labor in the evening and has the baby 24 hours later, she can go without sleep for a LONG time. If baby is fussy, she won't be able to sleep (there's some hormonal thing from birth through the first, oh, at least couple weeks, where baby crying will almost instill panic.) You might need to take baby into another room to soothe him/her so she can sleep. My firstborn screamed bloody murder for the first five or six hours after birth and my spouse decided to ignore him and take a nap in the chair in the hospital room. :| Don't do that. She's the one who just gave birth and is exhausted, you can go without sleep a little while longer.

Oh, and make sure that you and she know who you do and do not want in the room at particular times, and let the nurses know. They can and will bar people from coming into the room if you ask, and you can let them be the 'bad guy' so that relatives won't blame you for not letting them watch your wife pop out the kid.

Thanks for the advice ... I suppose I shouldn't have limited the title to Dads ... just thought from their perspective I might relate more, but I do appreciate your input too.

We are pretty much ready now ... a bag has been packed for the hospital, our crib/bassinet/change table are set up, our diapers are at the ready etc. She's actually at an appointment right now for a check to see where things are at

I'm getting excited, along with the mildly pervasive, pukey feeling of anxiety that can be quelled.

 

[phantom309]

Don't be "that guy" and attempt to videotape the procedings - especially the meaty stuff. Invite friends, inlaws, etc into the delivery room only if she specifically requests they be there. Not every woman wants to give birth in front of an audience.

I bought my wife an iPod to listen to during her recovery and she used it a lot. Our last kid was a c-section and it took a few days before she was ready to go home. So there was a lot of boredom to deal with. Also got her magazines and stuff to read.

 

[Patt]

Originally posted by: RKS

Originally posted by: Patt

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Epidural. That's the only thing you need to remember.

If you took a lamaze class just throw all that crap out the window. That's what hospitals, doctors and nurses are for.

Just try to make her and yourself as comfortable as possible because you might be there for a long time. It was 13 hours for us.

Did she go in wanting an epidural? My wife doesn't want that sort of medical intervention unless absolutely necessary. I know her limits, and her preferences so I can help her make the decision when the time comes. However, I also know that unless she gives the green light, there will be no epidural, I won't override anything like that.

Trust Me as JulesMaximus. Get the damn Epidural. My wife wanted to go natural both times and ended up with the epidural.


BTW: We bought a doll and put like baby lotion on it to get our dog familiar with a new entity and corresponding smells a few weeks before the 1st arrival. Now the kids use Bacon as a step-ladder and food disposal.

My main concern with our dog was any food/toy issues so as soon as we could I worked with taking away and returning food and toys so my dog would never snap if anyone accidently went too close to him during feeding time.

Never thought to use a doll to get the dog used to the idea, but since he was a puppy I worked at taking things away from him, and never once has he snapped. I know there will be an adjustment period there, but to be honest, I'm more worried about keeping our damn cat off of the baby's bed. (Still smile at the name Bacon for the pup for some reason )

As for the epidural debate ... that will be up to her. She has read everything she can get her hands on, and talked to almost everyone in town who has popped out a munchkin, so I'm confident in her decision, much as I would be if she changes her mind. She is very, very body aware.

 

[Queasy]

Originally posted by: RKS
BTW: We bought a doll and put like baby lotion on it to get our dog familiar with a new entity and corresponding smells a few weeks before the 1st arrival. Now the kids use Bacon as a step-ladder and food disposal.

My main concern with our dog was any food/toy issues so as soon as we could I worked with taking away and returning food and toys so my dog would never snap if anyone accidently went too close to him during feeding time.

One of my brother's three dogs wanted to 'mother' his baby when she came home. Dogs mothering human babies doesn't work though and this resulted in a scratch.

Our cats just sniffed at our son and daughter when they came home and generally kept their distance.

 

[RKS]

I am not sure about Canada but here we got two nights at the hospital before eviction. You may have the option of keeping the baby in the room or nursery. Let the pros keep the baby. It is a lot less worry and you will need all the sleep you can get.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Patt

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Epidural. That's the only thing you need to remember.

If you took a lamaze class just throw all that crap out the window. That's what hospitals, doctors and nurses are for.

Just try to make her and yourself as comfortable as possible because you might be there for a long time. It was 13 hours for us.

Did she go in wanting an epidural? My wife doesn't want that sort of medical intervention unless absolutely necessary. I know her limits, and her preferences so I can help her make the decision when the time comes. However, I also know that unless she gives the green light, there will be no epidural, I won't override anything like that.

We were thinking we would wait and see how bad it was before deciding but they had to induce so she was feeling the contractions pretty strongly and it was very painful. I remember her sitting there shaking between contractions...pretty much all she could do. We decided at that point to have the epidural. 30 minutes later she was on the phone calling friends and family. We were watching the monitor, oh, there's another contraction...hmm, didn't feel it though.

My wife is a bit of a wuss when it comes to pain. YMMV.

Edit-I do think the pain is worse when they induce labor. My wife's water broke and that's why they induced. She went full term though, she has no medical problems either but they did do an episiotomy.

 

[Armitage]

It's about the most amazing thing you'll ever be part of - in a very limited role of course. But be prepared to take everyuthing in, even "down there" as it were. As far as prep - don't skimp on sleep now, because it will likely be a long day when it comes. Have a bag packed for her - change of clothes, nice bathrobe, toiletries, etc. Think about some small keepsake gift as well. And for the baby as well! Just basics - those things that are like a tiny sleeping bag with arms & buttons work well for newborns/first time parents. No fussing to get their feet into anything

Make sure you have a car seat and know how to use it properly - when my kids were born they actually came out to the car with us when it was time to go home to make sure we had a car seat and that it was in properly. It can be a bit intimidating taking a tiny newborn home by yourselves for the first time!

There's a chance that they may have to take the baby away for assessment - my first spent about 5 minutes in the delivery room and then about a week in the NICU. Be prepared for this - you're wife won't be going anywhere for awhile and will want updates and reassurances alot more frequently then the nurses will likely provide. So you'll be the runner!

Take along a list of phone numbers for people you may want to call, but might not remember their number. Note that you aren't allowed to use cell phones in some parts of the hospital - may be worth it to pick up a calling card if you expect to call long distance. Camera of course. Don't take off the wristband they will probably give you and make sure you have your wallet. They've gotten pretty serious about ID to get into the maternity ward.

edit - oh, and good luck :thumbsup:

 

[JulesMaximus]

We were lucky also, we had a corner room in the maternity ward with a sitting area and an area for me to lay down by the window which was nice. It even had a bathroom.

I took two pictures of my son right after he was born and I cut the chord. I'll never forget the first time I heard him cry. I was so moved I couldn't even speak for fear I'd just burst out crying. It was amazing.

 

[Geekbabe]

go out to the bar with your male relatives and friends... seriously.

 

[Pabster]

Originally posted by: Patt
Did she go in wanting an epidural? My wife doesn't want that sort of medical intervention unless absolutely necessary. I know her limits, and her preferences so I can help her make the decision when the time comes. However, I also know that unless she gives the green light, there will be no epidural, I won't override anything like that.

She might be against it now, but wait until the contractions are hard and heavy and the REAL pain sets in. The Epidural is the greatest pain relief ever, my wife's delivery was smooth and comfortable. I would have hated to see it without.

 

[Patt]

Originally posted by: Armitage
It's about the most amazing thing you'll ever be part of - in a very limited role of course. But be prepared to take everyuthing in, even "down there" as it were. As far as prep - don't skimp on sleep now, because it will likely be a long day when it comes. Have a bag packed for her - change of clothes, nice bathrobe, toiletries, etc. Think about some small keepsake gift as well. And for the baby as well! Just basics - those things that are like a tiny sleeping bag with arms & buttons work well for newborns/first time parents. No fussing to get their feet into anything

Make sure you have a car seat and know how to use it properly - when my kids were born they actually came out to the car with us when it was time to go home to make sure we had a car seat and that it was in properly. It can be a bit intimidating taking a tiny newborn home by yourselves for the first time!

There's a chance that they may have to take the baby away for assessment - my first spent about 5 minutes in the delivery room and then about a week in the NICU. Be prepared for this - you're wife won't be going anywhere for awhile and will want updates and reassurances alot more frequently then the nurses will likely provide. So you'll be the runner!

Take along a list of phone numbers for people you may want to call, but might not remember their number. Note that you aren't allowed to use cell phones in some parts of the hospital - may be worth it to pick up a calling card if you expect to call long distance. Camera of course. Don't take off the wristband they will probably give you and make sure you have your wallet. They've gotten pretty serious about ID to get into the maternity ward.

edit - oh, and good luck :thumbsup:

I like the idea of a small gift ... and I'm going to stop on my way home to buy one of those sleeping bag outfits ... I've seen them, but never even thought about it. Great idea!

Our car seat is already installed, and ready to go Just getting that set up was enough to get me thinking about the change that is coming.

 

[Patt]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
go out to the bar with your male relatives and friends... seriously.

Only if I'm wanting to get divorced ... and besides, I want to be there anyway.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
go out to the bar with your male relatives and friends... seriously.

bad idea.

but i guess that depends on the wife. I know damn well if would have skipped the birht of my daughter to go drinking she would have killed me.

also then i would have missed it.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
go out to the bar with your male relatives and friends... seriously.

bad idea.

but i guess that depends on the wife. I know damn well if would have skipped the birht of my daughter to go drinking she would have killed me.

also then i would have missed it.

Yea - no kidding on both counts. Not something I would have missed for the world.

 

[Patt]

Originally posted by: Pabster

Originally posted by: Patt
Did she go in wanting an epidural? My wife doesn't want that sort of medical intervention unless absolutely necessary. I know her limits, and her preferences so I can help her make the decision when the time comes. However, I also know that unless she gives the green light, there will be no epidural, I won't override anything like that.

She might be against it now, but wait until the contractions are hard and heavy and the REAL pain sets in. The Epidural is the greatest pain relief ever, my wife's delivery was smooth and comfortable. I would have hated to see it without.

My wife isn't totally against an epidural, she just doesn't want it to be Option A. If it comes to that, she's prepared, but isn't actively planning on it.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Patt

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
go out to the bar with your male relatives and friends... seriously.

Only if I'm wanting to get divorced ...

I had 3 kids, if I had it to do over the only person there would have been a female relative or a friend.