LOLyourFace
Banned
Daddy, why did we attack Iraq?
Because they had weapons of mass destruction
But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction...
That's because the Iraqis were hiding them
And that's why we invaded Iraq?
Yep. Invasions work better than inspections
But after we invaded them we still didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
That's because they were so well hidden, but don't worry, we'll find some, probably just in time for the next election...
Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
To use them in a war, silly..
But if they had all those weapons of mass destruction to use in a war, why didn't they use them when we went to war with them?
Well - obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die in thousands so as to keep the secret...
But that doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight back with?
It's a different culture. Doesn't have to make sense..
I don't think they had any of those weapons...
Well, that doesn't really matter, because we had another good reason to invade anyway..
What was that?
Because Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country...
Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?
Well, for one thing he tortured his own people...
You mean - like they do in China?
Now don't go comparing China with Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for low wages to make US Corporations richer...
So if a country lets its people be exploited for American gain it's a good country, even if it tortures people?
Right
Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
Mostly for political crimes, like criticizing the government...
But isn't that what happens in China?
I told you, China is different...
What's the difference between China and Iraq?
Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath Party, while China is communist...
But didn't you once tell me that communists are bad?
Only Cuban communists...
How are Cuban communists bad?
Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured...
Like in Iraq?
Exactly
And like in China?
I told you - China is a good economic competitor. Cuba is not..
How come Cuba is not a good economic competitor?
Well, you see, back in the 1960s our government passed some laws making it illegal for Americans to trade or do business with Cuba until they stopped being communists and started being capitalists like us...
But if we got rid of those laws, and started doing business with Cuba, wouldn't that help them to become capitalists like us?
Don't be a smart-ass...
I didn't think I was being one...
Well, anyway, they don't have freedom of religion in Cuba...
Kind of like China?
I told you, stop saying bad things about China. And anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power by a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader...
What's a military coup?
That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States...
Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend...
Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate...
But didn't you say that a leader who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government is not legitimate?
Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us to invade Afghanistan...
Why did we invade Afghanistan?
Because of what they did to us on September 11th
What happened on September 11th?
Well, on September 11th nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing more than three thousand Americans...
So how did Afghanistan come into all that?
Afghanistan is where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban...
Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chop off people's heads and hands?
Exactly, and they oppressed women, too....
Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars way back in 2001?
Yes, but that was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs...
Fighting drugs?
Yes. The Taliban were very good at stopping people from growing opium poppies...
How did they do such a good job?
Simple. If the Taliban caught people growing poppies they would cut off their hands or their heads...
So when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing opium poppies that was OK, but not when they do it for other reasons?
Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamics cut off people's hands for growing poppies, but it's cruel when they cut off people's hands for stealing bread...
Don't they cut off people's hands in Saudi Arabia?
That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and made them wear burqas whenever they were in public, and stoned to death those who didn't comply...
Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
No. Saudi women wear a traditional Islamic body covering...
What's the difference?
The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.
Sounds like the same thing with a different name...
Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
But I thought you said that 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia?
I did. But they were trained in Afghanistan...
Who trained them?
A very bad man named Osama bin Laden..
Was he from Afghanistan?
Uh, well no. He was from Saudi Arabia. But he was a very very bad man...
Wasn't he our friend once?
Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in the 1980s
Who are the Soviets, daddy? Are they the Evil Communist Empire President Reagan talked about?
Well, there are no more Soviets. The old Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism just like us. We call them Russians now.
So these Russians are our friends?
Well, not really. They were our friends for some years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support the invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans, because they didn't help us to invade Iraq either....
So the French and the Germans are evil too?
Well, not exactly, but just bad enough for us to rename French Fries and French Toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast...
Do we always rename foods when another country doesn't do what we want them to do?
No, only when they are our friends. Enemies, we invade.
But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 80s?
Well, yeah, for a while...
Was Saddam Hussein the ruler then?
Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Why did that make him our friend?
Because at that time Iran was our enemy...
Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
Well yeah, but since he was fighting Iran at the time we looked the other way, to show him we were friends.
So anyone who fights against our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
Mostly, yes...
And anyone who fights against one of our friends automatically becomes our enemy?
Sometimes. But if American Corporations can make a profit by selling weapons to both sides, that's OK as well...
Why?
Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. And since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a God-less, un-American communist. Now do you understand why we attacked Iraq?
I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to. Right?
Yes...
But how did we know that God wanted us to?
Well, God speaks personally To President Bush, and tells him what to do....
So you're saying that we attacked Iraq because President Bush hears voices?
That's right, son. So now you know how it works, best get off to sleep. Goodnight......
Because they had weapons of mass destruction
But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction...
That's because the Iraqis were hiding them
And that's why we invaded Iraq?
Yep. Invasions work better than inspections
But after we invaded them we still didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
That's because they were so well hidden, but don't worry, we'll find some, probably just in time for the next election...
Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
To use them in a war, silly..
But if they had all those weapons of mass destruction to use in a war, why didn't they use them when we went to war with them?
Well - obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die in thousands so as to keep the secret...
But that doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight back with?
It's a different culture. Doesn't have to make sense..
I don't think they had any of those weapons...
Well, that doesn't really matter, because we had another good reason to invade anyway..
What was that?
Because Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country...
Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?
Well, for one thing he tortured his own people...
You mean - like they do in China?
Now don't go comparing China with Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for low wages to make US Corporations richer...
So if a country lets its people be exploited for American gain it's a good country, even if it tortures people?
Right
Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
Mostly for political crimes, like criticizing the government...
But isn't that what happens in China?
I told you, China is different...
What's the difference between China and Iraq?
Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath Party, while China is communist...
But didn't you once tell me that communists are bad?
Only Cuban communists...
How are Cuban communists bad?
Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured...
Like in Iraq?
Exactly
And like in China?
I told you - China is a good economic competitor. Cuba is not..
How come Cuba is not a good economic competitor?
Well, you see, back in the 1960s our government passed some laws making it illegal for Americans to trade or do business with Cuba until they stopped being communists and started being capitalists like us...
But if we got rid of those laws, and started doing business with Cuba, wouldn't that help them to become capitalists like us?
Don't be a smart-ass...
I didn't think I was being one...
Well, anyway, they don't have freedom of religion in Cuba...
Kind of like China?
I told you, stop saying bad things about China. And anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power by a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader...
What's a military coup?
That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States...
Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend...
Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate...
But didn't you say that a leader who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government is not legitimate?
Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us to invade Afghanistan...
Why did we invade Afghanistan?
Because of what they did to us on September 11th
What happened on September 11th?
Well, on September 11th nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing more than three thousand Americans...
So how did Afghanistan come into all that?
Afghanistan is where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban...
Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chop off people's heads and hands?
Exactly, and they oppressed women, too....
Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars way back in 2001?
Yes, but that was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs...
Fighting drugs?
Yes. The Taliban were very good at stopping people from growing opium poppies...
How did they do such a good job?
Simple. If the Taliban caught people growing poppies they would cut off their hands or their heads...
So when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing opium poppies that was OK, but not when they do it for other reasons?
Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamics cut off people's hands for growing poppies, but it's cruel when they cut off people's hands for stealing bread...
Don't they cut off people's hands in Saudi Arabia?
That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and made them wear burqas whenever they were in public, and stoned to death those who didn't comply...
Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
No. Saudi women wear a traditional Islamic body covering...
What's the difference?
The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.
Sounds like the same thing with a different name...
Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
But I thought you said that 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia?
I did. But they were trained in Afghanistan...
Who trained them?
A very bad man named Osama bin Laden..
Was he from Afghanistan?
Uh, well no. He was from Saudi Arabia. But he was a very very bad man...
Wasn't he our friend once?
Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in the 1980s
Who are the Soviets, daddy? Are they the Evil Communist Empire President Reagan talked about?
Well, there are no more Soviets. The old Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism just like us. We call them Russians now.
So these Russians are our friends?
Well, not really. They were our friends for some years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support the invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans, because they didn't help us to invade Iraq either....
So the French and the Germans are evil too?
Well, not exactly, but just bad enough for us to rename French Fries and French Toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast...
Do we always rename foods when another country doesn't do what we want them to do?
No, only when they are our friends. Enemies, we invade.
But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 80s?
Well, yeah, for a while...
Was Saddam Hussein the ruler then?
Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Why did that make him our friend?
Because at that time Iran was our enemy...
Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
Well yeah, but since he was fighting Iran at the time we looked the other way, to show him we were friends.
So anyone who fights against our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
Mostly, yes...
And anyone who fights against one of our friends automatically becomes our enemy?
Sometimes. But if American Corporations can make a profit by selling weapons to both sides, that's OK as well...
Why?
Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. And since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a God-less, un-American communist. Now do you understand why we attacked Iraq?
I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to. Right?
Yes...
But how did we know that God wanted us to?
Well, God speaks personally To President Bush, and tells him what to do....
So you're saying that we attacked Iraq because President Bush hears voices?
That's right, son. So now you know how it works, best get off to sleep. Goodnight......
