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Dad disowns his gay son in handwritten letter

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mikeymikec

Lifer
May 19, 2011
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Give the dad some time.
He did have some time, he chose to write a hateful letter in that time, in part to terminate his relationship with his son.

The caps were sarcastic. And there's nothing wrong with disowning anyone. It's a person's free choice. There's nothing right or wrong about either person in this case.
Parents are supposed to be role models of responsibility and maturity for their children, potentially for as long as they live. I'm 32 and I still ask my dad for advice on quite a few topics. I don't know about you, but I think it would be a fucked-up and obviously wrong thing to do for one person to say to another (especially two people who are supposed to have a deep emotional bond), something along the lines of "You disgust me and I never want to have any contact with you again", unless the other person has done something truly disgusting. If you can't see something wrong about this, I wonder what you think actually is wrong. Perhaps it's only physical abuse that counts in your book?
 
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Retro Rob

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2012
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so according to you, KKK members are courageous to stand up for what they believe to be right as are members of all hate groups.
No sir, not what I am saying.

However, the whole crux of the "rejecting" of homosexuality is based upon whether or not someone can be born that way. It really isn't any of our place to say and I really can't say if it can/can't be true.

Bottom line: You choose who your sexual partner(s) are, whether they're of the same or opposite sex.
 

cybrsage

Lifer
Nov 17, 2011
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I don't know about you, but I think it would be a fucked-up and obviously wrong thing to do for one person to say to another (especially two people who are supposed to have a deep emotional bond), something along the lines of "You disgust me and I never want to have any contact with you again", unless the other person has done something truly disgusting.
To the dad, the kid did something truly disgusting. Your opinion is irrelevant.

That said, the dad truely was being as ass (assuming this letter is actually true and not made up just to invent a point to argue about). I could support the dad saying his boyfriend cannot sleep in the same room as him in the dad's house. No kissing in his house, etc. He does not have to accept the lifestyle as good and ok in order to still accept his son.

I am vehemently against the homosexual lifestyle (ie, active gay sex) as it is a sexually immoral act and therefor should not be done. However, I have some very good friends who are gay, friends I would not cast aside for any reason. I can seperate the action from the person performing the action. I can judge the action as bad, but leave it up to God to judge the person - for the former is within my power but the latter is not.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
106,230
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I am vehemently against the homosexual lifestyle (ie, active gay sex) as it is a sexually immoral act and therefor should not be done. However, I have some very good friends who are gay, friends I would not cast aside for any reason. I can seperate the action from the person performing the action. I can judge the action as bad, but leave it up to God to judge the person - for the former is within my power but the latter is not.
Bullshit.
 

CountZero

Golden Member
Jul 10, 2001
1,796
36
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The Dad messed up here, not because of being against the lifestyle, but because he severed his ties with his son. Just because he didn't approve didn't mean he had to abandon his son. He could of said something like "I don't agree with your lifestyle but i wont to let you know that I will always love you. Please do not bring your lifestyle around me and the rest of the family." If he felt adamantly opposed to his sons decisions that's what he should of said in my opinion if he were a good father. ^ I think this would of been the Christian thing to do and the secular thing to do . Lets say that the father has other children in his house still. I could see him not wanting his son to have a negative influence on them but still no need to completely cut his ties.
I don't agree with the dad's decision but to play a little devil's advocate what if he did just this and the son refused and wanted an all or nothing relationship (in other words either you wholesale accept who I am and let me bring my partner to thanksgiving or don't bother talking with me at all). Then what? The dad lays out a middle ground and the son wants nothing to do with compromise.

Again I don't agree with the dad's decision even in my hypothetical, just asking as a matter for discussion.
 

piasabird

Lifer
Feb 6, 2002
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Well this could be seen as protecting the rights and feelings and morality of everyone else living at home. Dont know If I could be that extreme, but I respect a person if they make a stand and lay down the law to everyone that lives under his roof. When you buy a house and pay the bills you have a right to decide standards of conduct for those people who reside there. Saying these are the rules and if you dont like it you can start walking is perfectly understandable.
 

First

Lifer
Jun 3, 2002
10,518
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I am vehemently against the homosexual lifestyle (ie, active gay sex) as it is a sexually immoral act and therefor should not be done. However, I have some very good friends who are gay, friends I would not cast aside for any reason. I can seperate the action from the person performing the action. I can judge the action as bad, but leave it up to God to judge the person - for the former is within my power but the latter is not.
lol, you're a funny fucking troll.
 

RampantAndroid

Diamond Member
Jun 27, 2004
6,591
3
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The dad who wrote that letter is anything but courageous. He's a coward.
Who gives a shit. Father disowned son. Whatever. His right to do that, go him. If son cannot handle it, son needs to buy razor blades. If son can handle it, he just moves on. The world keeps turning...
 

Hayabusa Rider

Admin Emeritus & Elite Member
Jan 26, 2000
50,872
4,214
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Do you object to fighting ignorance with sarcasm so blatent that it's hard to believe a rational person such as yourself would not be able to spot it?
In this case no. Religion is one thing that rarely is discussed rationally, and sarcasm doesn't always translate as we'd like. If thats how you meant it than my previous comments obviously do not apply.
 

r3dsh1ft

Member
Jul 31, 2012
56
0
0
I don't agree with the dad's decision but to play a little devil's advocate what if he did just this and the son refused and wanted an all or nothing relationship (in other words either you wholesale accept who I am and let me bring my partner to thanksgiving or don't bother talking with me at all). Then what? The dad lays out a middle ground and the son wants nothing to do with compromise.

Again I don't agree with the dad's decision even in my hypothetical, just asking as a matter for discussion.
You bring up a good point.

In the case that the son wants acceptance to the level of bringing his boyfriend home: The furthest i believe the Father can go is to allow the son to bring over the boyfriend with certain rules applied. One rule being not allowing any affection or touchy feelyness while in or around the house. 2. To not talk about anything gay related while visiting.

This IMO gives his son and the boyfriend respect as human beings but at the same time allows the Father to keep his beliefs and morals intact whether secular or Christian.

However this might be hard for some christian fathers as they are repulsed by the sin..They may be like this out of hate or being in Christ and hating the sin.

I will say this though. Jesus went into the areas with the prostitutes and the tax collectors. So remember God loves a lot of sinners but not one sin.
 
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zsdersw

Lifer
Oct 29, 2003
10,560
2
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Who gives a shit. Father disowned son. Whatever. His right to do that, go him. If son cannot handle it, son needs to buy razor blades. If son can handle it, he just moves on. The world keeps turning...
If you don't give a shit, why did you bother posting in this thread?

Obviously some people do give a shit, whether the fuck you do or not.

And I'll criticize the dad for doing what he did, because I think it's incredibly cowardly and asshole-ish. Too fucking bad if you don't care or don't see a problem.
 
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RampantAndroid

Diamond Member
Jun 27, 2004
6,591
3
81
If you don't give a shit, why did you bother posting in this thread?

Obviously some people do give a shit, whether the fuck you do or not.

And I'll criticize the dad for doing what he did, because I think it's incredibly cowardly and asshole-ish. Too fucking bad if you don't care or don't see a problem.
I posted here because it's a free country. Same reason the father is allowed to disown his kid. I don't see why this belongs in P&N, this belongs in off topic, or relationships.
 

actuarial

Platinum Member
Jan 22, 2009
2,814
0
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Well this could be seen as protecting the rights and feelings and morality of everyone else living at home. Dont know If I could be that extreme, but I respect a person if they make a stand and lay down the law to everyone that lives under his roof. When you buy a house and pay the bills you have a right to decide standards of conduct for those people who reside there. Saying these are the rules and if you dont like it you can start walking is perfectly understandable.
There's a difference between 'my roof my rules' and 'do not attempt to communicate with me again'.
 

zsdersw

Lifer
Oct 29, 2003
10,560
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I posted here because it's a free country. Same reason the father is allowed to disown his kid. I don't see why this belongs in P&N, this belongs in off topic, or relationships.
Free country, yeah... and I'm free to tell you you're a dumbass.

Who said it wasn't "allowed"? That's not the issue. The issue is that it's wrong to do.
 
May 13, 2009
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Free country, yeah... and I'm free to tell you you're a dumbass.

Who said it wasn't "allowed"? That's not the issue. The issue is that it's wrong to do.
No not really. The father has a right to tell his son to piss off. You might not agree with his decision but he's well within his rights to do so.
 

zsdersw

Lifer
Oct 29, 2003
10,560
2
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No not really. The father has a right to tell his son to piss off. You might not agree with his decision but he's well within his rights to do so.
AGAIN... this isn't about "rights" or being "allowed".. it's simply wrong. Lots of wrong things are perfectly legal and people are well within their rights to do them. Doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't express our opinion and call them wrong.
 

dank69

Lifer
Oct 6, 2009
29,095
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AGAIN... this isn't about "rights" or being "allowed".. it's simply wrong. Lots of wrong things are perfectly legal and people are well within their rights to do them. Doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't express our opinion and call them wrong.
I don't understand why this concept is so foreign to people.
 
May 13, 2009
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AGAIN... this isn't about "rights" or being "allowed".. it's simply wrong. Lots of wrong things are perfectly legal. Doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't express our opinion and call them wrong.
That's a matter of opinion. I see nothing wrong with it. If there are choices someone makes that I don't agree with I have no problem cutting them out of my life. The father is obviously bothered by his son's lifestyle so he cut him off. He has that right and if bothers him that much I say it was the right thing to do.
 

actuarial

Platinum Member
Jan 22, 2009
2,814
0
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That's a matter of opinion. I see nothing wrong with it. If there are choices someone makes that I don't agree with I have no problem cutting them out of my life. The father is obviously bothered by his son's lifestyle so he cut him off. He has that right and if bothers him that much I say it was the right thing to do.
Westboro is so bothered by homosexuality that they feel they have to protest soldiers' funerals. It guess that is also the right thing to do!
 

Retro Rob

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2012
8,150
108
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I don't understand why this concept is so foreign to people.
Why is it so hard to understand people can choose their sex partners? If people are so "born gay", why have some been in relationships with a had sex with straight people?

I have examples to link you to.

People born gay, can't choose to be straight or gay according to yall's definition. But they sure "choose" not to have sex with gay people for whatever reason, then "come out" as lesbian/gay.

I call bull on the born gay garbage. A homosexual chooses to engage in homosexual acts (sex with same sex persons) or heteor acts (sex with opposite sex persons).

Pulling the born gay card is a way to excuse dumb and dangerous and quite frankly, stupid behavior.
 

actuarial

Platinum Member
Jan 22, 2009
2,814
0
71
Why is it so hard to understand people can choose their sex partners? If people are so "born gay", why have some been in relationships with a had sex with straight people?

I have examples to link you to.

People born gay, can't choose to be straight or gay according to yall's definition. But they sure "choose" not to have sex with gay people for whatever reason, then "come out" as lesbian/gay.

I call bull on the born gay garbage. A homosexual chooses to engage in homosexual acts (sex with same sex persons) or heteor acts (sex with opposite sex persons).

Pulling the born gay card is a way to excuse dumb and dangerous and quite frankly, stupid behavior.
Just to be clear, why would a person possibly 'choose' to be gay given society's current attitude towards homosexuality vs heterosexuality?
 
Jan 25, 2011
16,155
7,737
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Why is it so hard to understand people can choose their sex partners? If people are so "born gay", why have some been in relationships with a had sex with straight people?

I have examples to link you to.

People born gay, can't choose to be straight or gay according to yall's definition. But they sure "choose" not to have sex with gay people for whatever reason, then "come out" as lesbian/gay.

I call bull on the born gay garbage. A homosexual chooses to engage in homosexual acts (sex with same sex persons) or heteor acts (sex with opposite sex persons).

Pulling the born gay card is a way to excuse dumb and dangerous and quite frankly, stupid behavior.
Wow. That's a whole lot of ignorance in one little post.

So given the nature of the treatment people who are gay receive simply for the fact of being gay, you really don't understand why some might feel compelled to hide who they are?

How long and hard did you have to think about fucking guys before you decided you were straight?
 
May 13, 2009
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I honestly don't know if its a choice or they are born gay. Honestly I don't give a flip either way. As long as their decision to be gay doesn't affect my life in any way then I really couldn't care less.
 

zsdersw

Lifer
Oct 29, 2003
10,560
2
0
Why is it so hard to understand people can choose their sex partners? If people are so "born gay", why have some been in relationships with a had sex with straight people?

I have examples to link you to.

People born gay, can't choose to be straight or gay according to yall's definition. But they sure "choose" not to have sex with gay people for whatever reason, then "come out" as lesbian/gay.

I call bull on the born gay garbage. A homosexual chooses to engage in homosexual acts (sex with same sex persons) or heteor acts (sex with opposite sex persons).

Pulling the born gay card is a way to excuse dumb and dangerous and quite frankly, stupid behavior.
Because human sexuality is a continuum, not a binary condition. Attraction != behavior and vice-versa. There are many reasons people have sex, and sometimes those reasons have nothing to do with what gender they're inherently attracted to.

Of course, if you weren't so full of ignorance in these matters you'd understand that... and stop bringing up things that have been explained to you in numerous other threads.
 

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