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Custody Orders That Work

F

FettsBabe

Diamond Member
I'm looking for something that splits visitation on a 50/50 level without rotating weeks. Why? We have to have him each Monday night for Scouts. We also need the child every third weekend for a camping trip.

We want it written where the parties have to put the child's best interest first. Does anyone have a consent order that works well?

Also, I am looking for one that gives the father leniency regarding Scout events. Does anyone have an order where extra curricular activities are taken into consideration?

I'm also looking for a schedule where the father has the child on a sole custody visitation basis or a joint custody basis with the father having the child at least 60% of the time.
 
Originally posted by: FettsBabe
I'm looking for something that splits visitation on a 50/50 level without rotating weeks. Why? We have to have him each Monday night for Scouts. We also need the child every third weekend for a camping trip.

We want it written where the parties have to put the child's best interest first. Does anyone have a consent order that works well?

Also, I am looking for one that gives the father leniency regarding Scout events. Does anyone have an order where extra curricular activities are taken into consideration?

I'm also looking for a schedule where the father has the child on a sole custody visitation basis or a joint custody basis with the father having the child at least 60% of the time.
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Well it wouldn't be 50/50 level if the father has the child 60% of the time. I have never seen custody work this way WITHOUT having parents that work together. I have seen your other threads and it just appears that the child is going to suffer.

BTW, I have been through the divorce parents routine as I am sure many here have.

 
Notice that I said "I'm also looking for a schedule where the father has the child on a sole custody visitation basis or a joint custody basis with the father having the child at least 60% of the time."

I don't think the child will suffer if he's placed with the father. Honestly, I can tell you if she came up and said "my birthday is March 1st and you have him, can I take him out to dinner?" We would say "sure." and would probably even go ahead and let him stay the night as long as she could take him to school the next day. We don't have a problem with being lenient with visitation. The mother however, won't even let him come home a few hours late two days this summer, so he can attend two boy scout camps. Only a few hours late on two days!!!! This seems stupid to me. However, it was ok when we let her pick him up 5 hours early thanksgiving day weekend, so she could have a late lunch with her son. Its ok when she asks, but its not ok when we ask. GRRRRR.

There's a difference between the mom and dad. The mom, according to the counselor, has latched on feelings that she won't deal with towards the father. and the father only wants the best for the child." He could care less about the mother as long as the childs best interest is met. Understand, that with that statement I mean, if the child wanted to stay an extra day with mom this week it would be ok. However, if she wanted to take him to a wrestling match on a school night and wouldn't get home until midnight the father would say no, not during the school week.
 
Originally posted by: FettsBabe
Notice that I said "I'm also looking for a schedule where the father has the child on a sole custody visitation basis or a joint custody basis with the father having the child at least 60% of the time."

I don't think the child will suffer if he's placed with the father. Honestly, I can tell you if she came up and said "my birthday is March 1st and you have him, can I take him out to dinner?" We would say "sure." and would probably even go ahead and let him stay the night as long as she could take him to school the next day. We don't have a problem with being lenient with visitation. The mother however, won't even let him come home a few hours late two days this summer, so he can attend two boy scout camps. Only a few hours late on two days!!!! This seems stupid to me. However, it was ok when we let her pick him up 5 hours early thanksgiving day weekend, so she could have a late lunch with her son. Its ok when she asks, but its not ok when we ask. GRRRRR.

There's a difference between the mom and dad. The mom, according to the counselor, has latched on feelings that she won't deal with towards the father. and the father only wants the best for the child." He could care less about the mother as long as the childs best interest is met. Understand, that with that statement I mean, if the child wanted to stay an extra day with mom this week it would be ok. However, if she wanted to take him to a wrestling match on a school night and wouldn't get home until midnight the father would say no, not during the school week.
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Yeah I totally agree.....

When I said it looks like the child will suffer, what I meant was the fact that his mother refuses to cooperate even when it is in the child's best interest.

If there is joint custody and one parent refuses give and take then it is only going to hurt the child.

In the end, I just think the child is the one that suffers when parents can't figure things out.

My question is why DO you and your husband be the only ones involved with Boy Scouts? Can't his mother do the monday night scout thing?

I just have trouble seeing how scouts and camping trips can cause this much trouble. If the boy wants to do scouts then I think both parents should be involved with it, not just one parent.
 
I totally agree with you. We give her a calendar which shows when all his Troop Meetings are and when his camping trips are. She won' ttake him on the weekends or days she has him, so we have to "Switch Days" or "Switch Weekends" with her. She's only been to 2 events in 6 years. I don't understand why. She was suppose to go to the Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet in January, but said her babysitter was late. She told the boy that the baby sitter was suppose to be there at 430. Afterwards my stepson told me, I don't know why she said that. It started at 430. He's 11, so he catches on when she lies to him or shows inconsistency. I'm proud of that because he needs to learn on his own. I'm proud that he knows we are there for him.

I guess maybe she feels uncomfortable at the events. What we usually do is develop a microsoft word calendar, and put the days he goes home with dad on it. We also put the scouting activities in a different color on the same calendar. If we need to switch days we will make a normal calendar and a proposed calendar, which shows her how it is normally and how we might need to adjust it so he can attend his scouting activities. She has plenty of advance notice. The schedule is done through August. Although, it took her over two months to respond to the original request to change days. Sometimes the month begins before we get an answer regarding switches for that month.

I think the child needs to be where he needs to be no matter which home he is at. If he's with her and has a camping trip either let him go or switch weekends so he can go. I understand that this isn't always possible due to family reunions, etc. and exceptions have to be made; however, there's not an exception every other month.

I'm active in Scouts and so his is father. I guess she doesn't want to drive up to the Troop meeting (probably 40 minutes) every monday. HOwever, there are trips on the weekends or activities on the weekends that she could attend on occasion. I can't make her be active in scouts nor will Psycho or I try. She makes her deicsion regarding it. We certainly don't tell her she can't and we give her information so she can if she wants to.

My beef right now is that my stepson has two camping trips this summer which fall on his fathers regularily scheduled visitation week. He's suppose to be returned on Sunday at 12. We asked her if we could drop him off after the trip which would probably be a few hours late. She said no he should be home at 12. We asked her if she would work with us regarding the birth of our baby and she ranted about how we gave her a hard time regarding the birth of her baby. We switched days with her so my stepson could be there. GRRRR. Its like arguing with a brickwall. I even called the hospital and asked her husband if she needed us to switch days with her when her second child was born and he said no just pick him up from the hospital instead of at daycare. I figured she would have watned him there the day after the baby was born.

We have tried to get her to continue counseling but she refuses by stating she doesn't have time.

I mean, if things are going to get better you have to be willing to work on it.

 
Originally posted by: FettsBabe
I totally agree with you. We give her a calendar which shows when all his Troop Meetings are and when his camping trips are. She won' ttake him on the weekends or days she has him, so we have to "Switch Days" or "Switch Weekends" with her. She's only been to 2 events in 6 years. I don't understand why. She was suppose to go to the Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet in January, but said her babysitter was late. She told the boy that the baby sitter was suppose to be there at 430. Afterwards my stepson told me, I don't know why she said that. It started at 430. He's 11, so he catches on when she lies to him or shows inconsistency. I'm proud of that because he needs to learn on his own. I'm proud that he knows we are there for him.

I guess maybe she feels uncomfortable at the events. What we usually do is develop a microsoft word calendar, and put the days he goes home with dad on it. We also put the scouting activities in a different color on the same calendar. If we need to switch days we will make a normal calendar and a proposed calendar, which shows her how it is normally and how we might need to adjust it so he can attend his scouting activities. She has plenty of advance notice. The schedule is done through August. Although, it took her over two months to respond to the original request to change days. Sometimes the month begins before we get an answer regarding switches for that month.

I think the child needs to be where he needs to be no matter which home he is at. If he's with her and has a camping trip either let him go or switch weekends so he can go. I understand that this isn't always possible due to family reunions, etc. and exceptions have to be made; however, there's not an exception every other month.

I'm active in Scouts and so his is father. I guess she doesn't want to drive up to the Troop meeting (probably 40 minutes) every monday. HOwever, there are trips on the weekends or activities on the weekends that she could attend on occasion. I can't make her be active in scouts nor will Psycho or I try. She makes her deicsion regarding it. We certainly don't tell her she can't and we give her information so she can if she wants to.

My beef right now is that my stepson has two camping trips this summer which fall on his fathers regularily scheduled visitation week. He's suppose to be returned on Sunday at 12. We asked her if we could drop him off after the trip which would probably be a few hours late. She said no he should be home at 12. We asked her if she would work with us regarding the birth of our baby and she ranted about how we gave her a hard time regarding the birth of her baby. We switched days with her so my stepson could be there. GRRRR. Its like arguing with a brickwall. I even called the hospital and asked her husband if she needed us to switch days with her when her second child was born and he said no just pick him up from the hospital instead of at daycare. I figured she would have watned him there the day after the baby was born.

We have tried to get her to continue counseling but she refuses by stating she doesn't have time.

I mean, if things are going to get better you have to be willing to work on it.
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Overall that is just a sh*tty situation. I really feel for you and your family. It sounds to me like his mother just wants her son so that she can exert some type of power over her ex-husband.

If she refuses to take her own son to boy scouts and camping trips then there is a problem. I think that EVERYTHING needs to be documented. Then you need to try to get full custody. I know that is going to be near impossible to pull off.

What is the age in your state where the child can choose for himself where he wants to stay? That would at least let you get full custody but keep in mind that the child should continue to have a good relationship with his mom. Of course it sounds like the woman would go off the deep end if she did choose to stay with you guys.

 
We document everything via letter. We learned many years ago to write her notes instead of telling her stuff via phone because she will deny every bit of it. I have about 5 notebooks full of letters (5 inch notebooks that it!). I have everything pretty well documented...I'm a paralegal, so I know what to do in that area.

I think there is a serious problem too. She does try to use her son to hurt my hubby. Too bad she doesn't see it. We meet with the attorney tomorrow and I pray that she tells us good news.

I don't know what will happen, but I hope it goes well tomorrow.



 
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