- Jun 19, 2003
- 23,454
- 41
- 91
So I was talking to Lord Maul the other day and he related the entire incident. I decided that since my own speedpass was sitting on the shelf, I might as well put it to good use. So with His Maulness' help, I deconstruct my speedpass. Okay, thats all cool. Now I need to decide what to do with it. I finally take 1/3 of a band-aid and tape the tiny cylinder to the bottom of my index finger. Nothing to exciting right?
That done, I decide to go cruising looking for Mobil's. I, unfortunatly, live 45 minutes from the nearest McDonalds speedpass so I am stuck with the gas stations. On my first stop I walk in and grab a 44 oz Dr. Pepper, set it on the counter. The conversation goes like this:
Me: I'll be paying with my fingerprint.
Clerk: Huh?
Me: I said that I will be paying with the speedpass fingerprint.
Clerk: I don't think that we have that yet.
Me: I am sure you do. Just press the speedpass button and watch.
Clerk: Okay
He proceeds to press the speedpass button on his little computer at which time I place my index finger on the section of the unit that says "Wave Speedpass Here". Of couse the little light lights up and I am in business. I carefully slip my hand into my pocket and remove the speedpass from my finger without him ever seeing it. Here is the continuation of the conversation.
Clerk: Wow, I didn't know that you could do that. Thats awesome!
Me: Yeah it is pretty cool.
Clerk: Will it work for me?
Me: Do you have a speedpass account?
Clerk: Yeah, let me try it!
He then proceeds to grab a pack of gum sitting on the counter, ring it up and place his forefinger on the speedpass machine. Nothing happens. I suggest that maybe the machine is not reading the print correctly and to roll his finger on it a little for a better reading. He does so. Nothing. Hmmm.... Well then, try your other fingers, I suggest. He tries all nine others. Hmmmm.... Maybe its a problem with your account. I don't know. I leave. He is still trying it. I laugh really hard. On to the next store.
Now I am pulling into our local Exxon across from Wal-Mart. This particular store is run by people whom I would guess to be Indian. I don't really know and it dosen't matter except for that fact that they never say anything to me when I shop there. Either way, I go in and grab my bag of chips and plunk them down. I pleasantly greet the twenty-something clerk. No response. I tell her I am going to pay with speedpass. I then stick my special finger on the speedpass spot. Once again, it works. The clerk is now staring intently at my finger. Here is the conversation:
Clerk: How did you do that?
Me: What?
Clerk: Activate the speedpass.
Me: Oh, I implanted it into my finger.
Clerk: (horrified) Really???
Me: Yeah, it kinda hurt but I put that numbing stuff on it and then just cut it open real fast, popped it in and sewed it up. Didn't really hurt until after the numbing gel wore off.
Clerk: You mean that YOU implanted YOUR speedpass into you FINGER?!? Seriously?
Me: Yeah, do you want to feel it? (I then offer my finger for inspection which she feels real carefully)
Clerk: No way! That is messed up. Why did you do it?
Me: Mostly for the convenience of it. As a matter of fact, if you ever want it done, I will do it for ya.
Clerk: (totally disgusted) No thanks.
I leave.
After that, I just bum around the neighboring towns using my mystical finger. Pretty much just more of the same old stuff but it was pretty hilarious. I have already talked two co-workers into getting a speedpass just to mess around with it. Sorry Mobil!
That done, I decide to go cruising looking for Mobil's. I, unfortunatly, live 45 minutes from the nearest McDonalds speedpass so I am stuck with the gas stations. On my first stop I walk in and grab a 44 oz Dr. Pepper, set it on the counter. The conversation goes like this:
Me: I'll be paying with my fingerprint.
Clerk: Huh?
Me: I said that I will be paying with the speedpass fingerprint.
Clerk: I don't think that we have that yet.
Me: I am sure you do. Just press the speedpass button and watch.
Clerk: Okay
He proceeds to press the speedpass button on his little computer at which time I place my index finger on the section of the unit that says "Wave Speedpass Here". Of couse the little light lights up and I am in business. I carefully slip my hand into my pocket and remove the speedpass from my finger without him ever seeing it. Here is the continuation of the conversation.
Clerk: Wow, I didn't know that you could do that. Thats awesome!
Me: Yeah it is pretty cool.
Clerk: Will it work for me?
Me: Do you have a speedpass account?
Clerk: Yeah, let me try it!
He then proceeds to grab a pack of gum sitting on the counter, ring it up and place his forefinger on the speedpass machine. Nothing happens. I suggest that maybe the machine is not reading the print correctly and to roll his finger on it a little for a better reading. He does so. Nothing. Hmmm.... Well then, try your other fingers, I suggest. He tries all nine others. Hmmmm.... Maybe its a problem with your account. I don't know. I leave. He is still trying it. I laugh really hard. On to the next store.
Now I am pulling into our local Exxon across from Wal-Mart. This particular store is run by people whom I would guess to be Indian. I don't really know and it dosen't matter except for that fact that they never say anything to me when I shop there. Either way, I go in and grab my bag of chips and plunk them down. I pleasantly greet the twenty-something clerk. No response. I tell her I am going to pay with speedpass. I then stick my special finger on the speedpass spot. Once again, it works. The clerk is now staring intently at my finger. Here is the conversation:
Clerk: How did you do that?
Me: What?
Clerk: Activate the speedpass.
Me: Oh, I implanted it into my finger.
Clerk: (horrified) Really???
Me: Yeah, it kinda hurt but I put that numbing stuff on it and then just cut it open real fast, popped it in and sewed it up. Didn't really hurt until after the numbing gel wore off.
Clerk: You mean that YOU implanted YOUR speedpass into you FINGER?!? Seriously?
Me: Yeah, do you want to feel it? (I then offer my finger for inspection which she feels real carefully)
Clerk: No way! That is messed up. Why did you do it?
Me: Mostly for the convenience of it. As a matter of fact, if you ever want it done, I will do it for ya.
Clerk: (totally disgusted) No thanks.
I leave.
After that, I just bum around the neighboring towns using my mystical finger. Pretty much just more of the same old stuff but it was pretty hilarious. I have already talked two co-workers into getting a speedpass just to mess around with it. Sorry Mobil!
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