she was taking time off as a christian before we started dating. i'm not religious at all. now she wants to try to get back into it. i'm kinda uneasy about it. i know some devout christians who devote their lives to their faith and i feel like they're preaching to me all the time. I think it might drive me crazy if my gf became like that. what do i do? is anyone in a similar situation?
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conflict of religious beliefs regarding your bf/gf
- Thread starter chinkee
- Start date
Do you two have any children together? If so, how do you plan on raising them, with regard to religious beliefs?
I'm Hindu, currently dating a Catholic, and while we get along fine, there is always a concern that the religion issue could become a big one, esp. if we end up married.
NikPreviousAcct
No Lifer
Exactly. And not just when it comes to going to church or not or whatever. One of you will have a higher belief/moral/ethical stance than the other one and it will rip you guys apart eventually.
I'm a Hindu and my girlfriend is a catholic. We really don't have any problems because we let each other do what we feel we need to do. While we share our ideas about religion we tend not to impose it on each other. You can't be sure that your gf will start imposing her ideas on you so just wait it out and see how things go. Remember knowledge about religions is not going to hurt you.
halik
Lifer
word, happened to me after 8months of dating her. If shes not willing to compromise, theres no way its gonna last. My ex was sort-of hardcode baptist. She was really into it (loving jesus etc), but we still had sex and stuff. In the end it turned out to be a problem that i dont love jesus...
NikPreviousAcct
No Lifer
LOL - you're saying that she's not willing to compromise, so it can't possibly last. Translation? You're not willing to compromise and you expect her to drop her beliefs for you. Good thing it ended... You both didn't want eachother because the other was making the same "mistake" that you think is okay to make yourself... funny. 🙂
hkarpf6045
Member
you know what is funny, my girlfriend was pretty religious when we strted dating 20 months ago, but as time went on my non-religousness has rubbed off on her, and she has pretty much become non-religous at all.
stonecold3169
Platinum Member
This issue just came up for me too. My gf is a devout Protestant, and I'm technically Morman although we've never practiced at all, so it is pretty irrelevant; we just disagree with that lifestyle completely.
Things are going great between us, and there haven't been any problems between us because of it. About the only thing she's mentioned is that she was raised with the mindset that she should only date and marry christian boys, and so thats why it feels really weird (in the good way she says😛) that she feels as strongly about me as she does. Her family loves me, so does she, and she has said that she has no problems with the thought of marrying me, or having children with me, as long as I remain open minded to her faith and allow her to believe and practice as she wishes. I have no problems with that, I want her to live exactly as she wants to. Besides, we have some of the best conversations because of our conflicting spiritual beliefs, and both of us are open minded enough to do that with no consequences. It works out well.
Things are going great between us, and there haven't been any problems between us because of it. About the only thing she's mentioned is that she was raised with the mindset that she should only date and marry christian boys, and so thats why it feels really weird (in the good way she says😛) that she feels as strongly about me as she does. Her family loves me, so does she, and she has said that she has no problems with the thought of marrying me, or having children with me, as long as I remain open minded to her faith and allow her to believe and practice as she wishes. I have no problems with that, I want her to live exactly as she wants to. Besides, we have some of the best conversations because of our conflicting spiritual beliefs, and both of us are open minded enough to do that with no consequences. It works out well.
KB
Diamond Member
My girlfriend was religious, but like hkarpf6045, I managed to change her.
I would keep her up late every saturday night so when Sunday morning came around, she didn't want to wake up for church. Also if we woke up late I would cook pancakes for breakfast, while on church days she had to cook.
We would discuss religion and philosophy. I would discuss inconsistancies in the bible and discuss my philosophies about how no one was going to heaven since every religion demands you believe their tenents, which are all very different.
Eventually church was forgotten. I began showing her my church - the beach, parks, lakes and she liked those more.
I would keep her up late every saturday night so when Sunday morning came around, she didn't want to wake up for church. Also if we woke up late I would cook pancakes for breakfast, while on church days she had to cook.
We would discuss religion and philosophy. I would discuss inconsistancies in the bible and discuss my philosophies about how no one was going to heaven since every religion demands you believe their tenents, which are all very different.
Eventually church was forgotten. I began showing her my church - the beach, parks, lakes and she liked those more.
cherrytwist
Diamond Member
Of course, I'm an athiest. A tolerant one though. I'm accepting of my wife's and families' beliefs (all different).
Even if they are all nuts.
If she can't already make up her mind about whether or not she's religious, you're just asking for troubles down the road. People like that (no offense) tend to get more vehemently religious at some point in their lives, even if they're not now and don't plan on being like that. They'll want you to come along with them.
Leave now.
Well, the first thing to consider is what her former denomination was. Was she Baptist? (Potentially huge problems.) Anglican? (Shouldn't be too bad) Lutheran? (Potentially ugly) Anything with Orthodox in the name? (Run now) Anything with Reformed in the name? (Very not good) Catholic? (That tends to run the whole gamut from mildly religious to fanatics in the name of God, and will depends largely on upbrining)
KarenMarie
Elite Member
As long as she does not try to convert you... let her do her thing.
I mean it is God she is getting into, that is hardly the worst thing in the world. Now, if she decided that she was gonna get heavily into drugs, then I can see a problem. But as trying to be a better person thru stronger faith is not a bad thing. As long as she does it the right way, and doesnt berate you...
hellfire, she might have such a great life that you might want to get invloved. But as long as she doesnt force you, it is a good thing.
🙂
I mean it is God she is getting into, that is hardly the worst thing in the world. Now, if she decided that she was gonna get heavily into drugs, then I can see a problem. But as trying to be a better person thru stronger faith is not a bad thing. As long as she does it the right way, and doesnt berate you...
hellfire, she might have such a great life that you might want to get invloved. But as long as she doesnt force you, it is a good thing.
🙂
L
Lola
honestly, don't dump her like some said. See where she takes the religion issue.
Personally, i believe that if you love someone enough, you will accept them for who they are. I know religion is a huge part of life to many people, but i have seen ehough couples that have opposite beliefs together with relationships that work.
I personally could never push my beliefs on my spouse/BF, but i have seen people that have. Its all a matter of acceptace and tolerance on both sides.
Personally, i believe that if you love someone enough, you will accept them for who they are. I know religion is a huge part of life to many people, but i have seen ehough couples that have opposite beliefs together with relationships that work.
I personally could never push my beliefs on my spouse/BF, but i have seen people that have. Its all a matter of acceptace and tolerance on both sides.
very interesting responses...what i'm wondering is if the people who are telling me to dump her are ones that are NOT religious while the ones who tell me to stick with it are christians themselves. Just curious if you're decision is biased by your beliefs. thanks for all the advice so far though..i might send this link to her to read, but i'm not sure yet
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