I was watching Conan O'Brien host the Emmy Awards last night when I felt a strange tingling in my chest, causing a sound to burst out of my mouth. My entire body shook and when I calmed down, I asked my sex-partner Keeley Hazell what had happened. She told me that she had heard it before, during a re-run of Chappelle's Show. It was genuine laughter, and it stemmed from a joke Conan had told just minutes before. Not the tittering I usually did, but then Conan was a real comedian. A comedian with the balls to go out on a limb and be funny, which we all know is unacceptable at the Emmys. I hope he never hosts again, the bastard.
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