Computer tips for the fix-it-yourselfer

[Trygve]

Lessons I've learned from actual tech support and repair events I've dealt with over the years:

If there isn't a standoff under one of the holes in the motherboard, *do not* screw it directly to the bottom of the case. Any time your motherboard starts to curve upwards like a dinner plate, this is bad: whatever you are doing, stop it.

Cables and connectors have a certain number of pins for a reason. Just because you *can* force an IDE cable into the middle of a 50-pin SCSI connector or a floppy cable into the middle of an IDE cable doesn't mean you *should*. (I'm amazed at how often I've seen this.)

No matter how enthralled you are with the game, your computer is *not* a urinal. That's not what water-cooling is all about. (I'm guessing that the computer that was killed with a remarkable amount of urine dried up in the case had been filled with *pet* urine. I sure hope so.)

When the vents on your computer start to look like a grey shag carpet, consider cleaning them. This could have something to do with why your computer keeps overheating and locking up.

Remember, just because you've plugged your minitor in doesn't mean that you don't have to plug the computer into the wall outlet, too. Yes, I *know* they're connected. Look, I don't have time to explain the physics behind it; just plug them both in and try turning it on. Just try it for me, okay?

When installing memory and other upgrades, they generally need to be connected to the motherboard in some fashion. Opening the case and just dropping them inside will generally yield unsatisfactory results.

 

[jspeicher]

2/10 , but its only 10.45am here...maybe 3/10 around noon.

 

[NatePo717]

The one thing I've learned from doing Tech Support is that the Customer is always wrong (and generally not very inteligent).

 

[K1052]

If a diskette won't go in easily, don't use a paperwight to hammer it in.

Don't screw around in the registry and expect me to know exactly what you did and how to fix it in 2 minutes or less.

Do not attempt to remove an optical drive by pushing the eject button and pulling as hard as possible on the tray.

Do not carry your computer outside, with the case open, in the rain.

 

[nakedfrog]

Yes, a CD-ROM will slide into a 5.25" floppy drive, but that doesn't mean it's going to work.
If you have small children, consider a case with a locking door. For some reason, a floppy drive seems like a good place to insert change and other miscellaneous items.

 

[skace]

Try Rebooting

Try Rebooting again

 

[spanky]

from one phone support call i did: if it does not work, try plugging in the power cord

:disgust: :frown:

 

[K1052]

You can insert a straightened paperclip in the little hole next to the eject button to open the drive instead of clawing at the drive face like a raccoon.

 

[HumblePie]

There is no "any" key, it means press any key you see.

Unless the monitor you bought is a touch screen, pressing the surface of the screen to get it to respond is generally not a good idea.

Peanut butter and computers do not mix.

Shredded cheese and computers do not mix.

Cd roms are not cup holders.

If you remove your keys to your key board to clean the gunk out from under them, I recommend drawing a map to help remember where to place all the keys back again.

Dropping your computer, keyboard, monitor and/or mouse into a bath tub full of soapy water is generally not considered the proper method for cleaning the gunk and dust from your computer.

The wires are color coded for a reason.

Have you tried pressing the little button that says "ON" or "POWER" yet?

Have you made sure all cables were connected correctly to their proper color coded sequence?

Have you made sure the power supply button in the back it set to "ON" or the little vertical line for on?

Yes, you have to remove all plastic wrapping and twist ties before the computer wil work.

Yes, you have to remove the styrofoam packaging around the computer to use it.

No, the computer is inside the cardboard box. No, you don't need the box anymore except the labels. No, plugging the power cord into the box will not turn on your computer.

The printer must be connected to the computer to print. Simply hitting the button while it's still in the box doesn't print.

Did you put any paper in the prnter?

Did you put the ink in the printer?

Yes, you need to remove the brightly colored plastic tabs on the ink cartridge before putting them in the printer.

Try switching the big black cartridge to the big single slot instead of forcing it into the three small slots.

Yes you need to plug in your joystick to use it in your flight simulator game.

No, your joystick doesn't work with micrsoft office.

Did you pay for an internet service plan yet?

Did you plug the computer into the phone jack on your wall with a phone cord to the phone jack in the back of the computer?

Yes I agree, I think opening that file named, HotHornyLoveULongtime.exe was probably what caused your computer to freeze up and delete everything.





---- Just some of the things I used to repeat over and over again as a technician. Usually 10 to 12 times a day each.

 

[StrangerGuy]

Computers aren't for dumb people like yourself.

 

[PingSpike]

Do not place electric space heaters directly adjacent to your computer, causing it to heat up so much the case burns your hand when you touch it. The inside of the computer doesn't use magic, and it doesn't like being hot.

 

[leftyman]

yes your virus scanner needs to update in order to work effectively x 1000 times

 

[jalaram]

Originally posted by: PingSpike
Do not place electric space heaters directly adjacent to your computer, causing it to heat up so much the case burns your hand when you touch it. The inside of the computer doesn't use magic, and it doesn't like being hot.

And my favorite response from users to a tip like that: "Oh, well, shouldn't they build computers better than that?"

 

[jalaram]

From DOS/Win 3.1 days:

"Yes, I realize you never used or installed that program, but you shouldn't have deleted command.com."

"Yes, your computer isn't booting anymore because you editted the command.com and decided to click yes when exiting."

"Just because you can unplug your PC at any time doesn't mean you can do the same on a Sun workstation."

 

[radioouman]

Originally posted by: HumblePie


No, your joystick doesn't work with micrsoft office.

lol

That would be a great feature!

 

[imported_goku]

I think this thread title should be "important things the common computer idiot should know"

 

[CraKaJaX]

one of my moms friends actually asked if she could put in another cup holder on her computer. i said what the hell are you talking about? i go over to her house and she has her cd drive open with a cup of coffee in it.

 

[OdiN]

An AGP card does not go into a PCI slot - Ironically...a tech I was working with tried to do that. Then...my hours got reduced and his were increased...WTF? I quit and went elsewhere.

Just because the power supply has more connectors than drives does not mean that the "extra" ones need to be shoved onto random pins poking up out of the motherboard. It doesn't like that.

Yes...the super long IDE cable that I sold you with 5 connectors on it can still only be attached to 2 IDE drives. I told you this...why did you bring it back with 4 devices hooked to it and trying to tell me it was my fault?

I fixed your problem with AOL and told you NOT TO INSTALL version 9 on this system. Why did you bring it back the next day with version 9 on it and yelling that we didn't fix it?? Why also did you yell even more when we charged you for doing the work a second time even after telling you not to install the software again?

You want me to replace your failed hard drive but refuse to give me the drive so that I can RMA it? Sorry...I don't give out free drives.

 

[Biggerhammer]

Don't put a potted plant on top of the monitor. You will always, every time, drip some water into the high-voltage death box on which you are reading this post.

Passwords plus post-its equals no security.

They don't love you, and if they did, they wouldn't email you at work to tell you so.

 

[Ulfwald]

If you are going to watch animal p0rn on the computer, please do not have it set as a screensaver.
When it says insert disk 2, please eject disk 1.
I cannot load the internet on your computer.
If you phone bill has not been paid and the phoneline is disconnected, your dial up account will not work, even if you paid that bill.
Do not use paperclips to see if the power supply fan is running.