Computer Humor

[mcurphy]

A computer programmer dies and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter gives the programmer the option of spending eternity in Heaven or Hell. The programmer says, "Is it possible to take a quick look at both places before I make up my mind?"

St. Peter says, "Why, of course."

They take a gander at Hell first. Oddly, Hell seems to be a heckuva place...one big party with good food, drink and great atmosphere.

Then St. Peter and the programmer visit Heaven. It's serene to say the least. There are angels sitting on clouds, people in white robes and a general aura of peace, but it doesn't appear to be nearly as much fun as Hell. The prgrammer tells St. Peter he prefers Hell.

St. Peter grants him his wish and off to Hell the programmer goes.

The computer geek is sorely disappointed to find out that Hell isn't what he thought it was. Hell turns out to be one big ball of fire with people screaming in agony. The programmer registers a complaint to Satan himself. "What's the problem?" asks Satan.

The programmer responds, "I chose to go to Hell rather than Heaven because it looked like it was a terrific place to have a good time, but this is nothing like I was shown."

Satan grins demonically and says, "Aha! That's because you only saw the demo."

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Q: What's the best way to park a computer?

A: You back it up.

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Q: What did the football punter do to the computer?

A: He booted it up.

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Q: What happens when you cross a computer with an elephant?

A: I don't know, but you get plenty of memory!

 

[Stuxnet]

Just awful. All of it.

 

[rcpratt]

Meh.

 

[SamQuint]

404 humor not found...

 

[swanysto]

I chuckled at the first one.

 

[AstroManLuca]

lol this one time a lady calls in and is like "my computer isn't working!" and it turns out it wasn't even plugged in!!!!

oh and another time someone wanted to install software and it said to put the CD in the CD drive and the guy was like "where's the CD drive?" and he thought it was a cupholder!!!!

COMEDY GOLD OP

 

[Broheim]

old's law has never been more accurate.

 

[SandEagle]

C: \dos


c: \dos\run



run\dos\run



run motherfucker i said!!!

 

[Saint Nick]

I liked them :thumbsup:

 

[LiuKangBakinPie]

"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."
"Heard of the new version of Windows from MS ? It is called CEMENT — CE+ME+NT"

"These security related updates may disable your ability to copy and/or play Secure Content and use other software on your computer." — From the EULA of a 'security update' to Windows Media Player.

"'Intel Inside': The world's most widely used warning label." — Jim Hopper.
"Every operating system out there is about equal... We all suck." — Microsoft senior vice president Brian Valentine describing the state of the art in OS security, 2003.

"NO, You cannot dial 911, I'm downloading my mail !

"Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail."

Customer: "I'm running Windows '98"
Tech: "Yes."
Customer: "My computer isn't working now."
Tech: "Yes, you said that."

"...the best way to prepare [to be a programmer] is to write programs, and to study great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and fished out listings of their operating system." — Bill Gates.

"Restart, Reboot, Reinstall." — The three Rs to windows tech support.
"Letting XP run for more than a month is like re-using a condom 50 or 60 times. Theoretically it can work, but is sick and ill advised."

 

[RearAdmiral]

Are you the computer programmer?

 

[kyrax12]

the first one is pretty awesome.

 

[LiuKangBakinPie]

My wife told me I always speak like a computer geek.
I LOL'D.

How come, during the day, the speakers on my computer are too quiet for me to hear them?

But when I sneak down in the middle of the night, go on Porn Hub and set everything to make it nearly silent, the sound of Jenna Haze getting banged is loud enough to wake the dead?

I like my web servers just like my women... insecure and full of holes waiting to be exploited.

 

[bigi]

There is only one kind of "computer humor". Source SNPP - King Size Homer

Homer reads the computer screen.

Homer: [reading screen] "To Start Press Any Key". Where's the ANY key?
I see Esk ["ESC"], Catarl ["CTRL"], and Pig-Up ["PGUP"]. There
doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking
is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB. [presses TAB
key] Awp...no time for that now, the computer's starting.

 

[mcurphy]

There is only one kind of "computer humor". Source SNPP - King Size Homer

Homer reads the computer screen.

Homer: [reading screen] "To Start Press Any Key". Where's the ANY key?
I see Esk ["ESC"], Catarl ["CTRL"], and Pig-Up ["PGUP"]. There
doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking
is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB. [presses TAB
key] Awp...no time for that now, the computer's starting.

Classic :biggrin:

 

[BurnItDwn]

lol this one time a lady calls in and is like "my computer isn't working!" and it turns out it wasn't even plugged in!!!!

oh and another time someone wanted to install software and it said to put the CD in the CD drive and the guy was like "where's the CD drive?" and he thought it was a cupholder!!!!

COMEDY GOLD OP

I have a friend who made what he calls an "ethernet recharger". Nobody at work has been dumb enough to use it yet, but one of these days, It's going to provide some entertainment.

(cat5 cable spliced into power cable on the other end .. muahahahahahaahhaha!)

 

[IronWing]

I have a friend who made what he calls an "ethernet recharger". Nobody at work has been dumb enough to use it yet, but one of these days, It's going to provide some entertainment.

(cat5 cable spliced into power cable on the other end .. muahahahahahaahhaha!)

What happens to your network if someone plugs that into the wall at both ends?

 

[BurnItDwn]

What happens to your network if someone plugs that into the wall at both ends?

one end is standard cat 5 connector, other end is standard 3 prong power connector.

If you plug 1 end into power, then whatever you plug the other end into gets 120V undiluted AC in it's face.... most likely a very cool show involving sparks and smoke!

 

[Phoenix86]

one end is standard cat 5 connector, other end is standard 3 prong power connector.

If you plug 1 end into power, then whatever you plug the other end into gets 120V undiluted AC in it's face.... most likely a very cool show involving sparks and smoke!

I think he means, what happens when someone plugs it into power, and then plugs the ethernet into the wall leading to a switch. D:

 

[BurnItDwn]

I think he means, what happens when someone plugs it into power, and then plugs the ethernet into the wall leading to a switch. D:

I would imagine the fireworks would happen at the switch.

 

[Jaepheth]

Be it ever so humble
There's no place like 127.0.0.1

 

[LiuKangBakinPie]

When your IQ rises to 28, sell.

 

[dighn]

I would imagine the fireworks would happen at the switch.

Surely the fireworks don't stop at that point. That's just retarded.

 

[Fritzo]

Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
STFU
Before I hurt you.

 

[ioni]

I don't get the 1st one, unless it actually has nothing to do with computers/computer related puns.