college is not going well at all, what do i do?

[skywalker66]

im finally waking up and realizing what everyone has been telling me about how messed up i am, and that i would be a lot happier off if i didnt think or worry so much about everything.

anyways here is the problem:

for the first month of college, i've had a horrible experience. tons of stress, tons of anxiety, depression. each day I basically sit around for hours trying to sort out all my thoughts on paper, or think thoughts rappidly through my mind and what not.

on top of all of this i ended up on quite possibly the worst floor ever, with only 8 freshmen, half of them really annoy me, the other half are gone a lot, and theres 7 upper classmen who are either shut-ins or gone.

but anyways i've wasted a lot of time pretty much in the first month, sitting around depressed, thinking, writing, etc. i basically have locked myself away from everyone in the first month of my freshman year, i simply could not let go of my thoughts.

anyways, im startin to realize i have some serious mental health issues. and i want it all to stop now, even if it means i end up standing far away from perfect.

the only problem is:
because of my issues, breakdowns, anxiety attacks, depressions, and avoiding ppl to be by myself and such I:

1) ended up missing half of orientation
2) havent tried to get to the few decent ppl on my floor when they're around. Also havent visited others floors at all really, or friends in other floors
3) havent shown up to any of the clubs i signed up for
4) havent talked to ppl in my classes that much, and infact am behind in many classes, and my grades are starting to suffer.

pretty much it feels like i've lost everything. i had a bad 4 years of high school, and i expected college to be my opportunity to turn it right around, but i got off on a really wrong foot, and i feel absolutely horrible about it, like theres no hope, and the opening window where everyone is friendly and wants friends is gone.
like ppl are already forming groups and such, and i pretty much have no one.

many times, because this has been so hard on me, i've debated the idea of quitting in the middle of my semester, losing the money,
and starting up again next year, giving some time for these issues to blow over.

Basically I'm just a person who wants to live on an okay floor, have a fair share of friends that i meet from the places i go, have ppl that i can do stuff with for fun, and have close friends that i can trust a lot.
i also wanted a clean start to lead into all of this, and to have no negative memories or bad starts like i did in highschool. but its too late for that.
i feel like im scarred, and honestly i want another shot at this, a clean college slate. i want to be a freshman at orientation, not worrying and loving it again. life wasnt happy in high school, and it was supposed to get happy here, and now that i started off wrong, it could take a long time before it does get happy.

although i really want to quit bad, because it never seems like life did exactly what i didnt want it to do,
i know that i can interract just fine during the first few weeks, and that i could have a ton of fun if i just started off on the right foot. thats why i really want to start over badly, because then i would finally get what i want and win in life.

But, I know that if I stay I'm going to try really hard to put an end to all of this obsessing nonsense, and that i'm going to stick around and try really hard to remedy this situation, find cool friends, and be a happy person.

i guess my question is:

if i stay, do you guys have any ideas for how I can flip this around? how I can find friends that are real fun to hang out with, not the nerdy style, but not the popular get drunk style, like the intellectual cool ppl in between. I myself am the more moral/value type person, as in i dont get into things like alcohol, weed, or premarital sex. partying is cool, i just wont engage in those kinds of activities there.

but anyways,
do you guys have any ideas for ways that i can forget about my horrible start, and to really flip the mood around?

It just feels like nothing i can do is going to feel as good as it would have if i had started off on the right foot.

 

[Chilled&Refined]

join the Air Force.
Thats what i did.

 

[Ameesh]

i hate being around people who anxiety problems, go see a pyschartrist or counsler, there are some on your campus.

 

[Jfur]

Originally posted by: skywalker66
im finally waking up and realizing what everyone has been telling me about how messed up i am, and that i would be a lot happier off if i didnt think or worry so much about everything.

anyways here is the problem:

for the first month of college, i've had a horrible experience. tons of stress, tons of anxiety, depression. each day I basically sit around for hours trying to sort out all my thoughts on paper, or think thoughts rappidly through my mind and what not.

on top of all of this i ended up on quite possibly the worst floor ever, with only 8 freshmen, half of them really annoy me, the other half are gone a lot, and theres 7 upper classmen who are either shut-ins or gone.

but anyways i've wasted a lot of time pretty much in the first month, sitting around depressed, thinking, writing, etc. i basically have locked myself away from everyone in the first month of my freshman year, i simply could not let go of my thoughts.

anyways, im startin to realize i have some serious mental health issues. and i want it all to stop now, even if it means i end up standing far away from perfect.

the only problem is:
because of my issues, breakdowns, anxiety attacks, depressions, and avoiding ppl to be by myself and such I:

1) ended up missing half of orientation
2) havent tried to get to the few decent ppl on my floor when they're around. Also havent visited others floors at all really, or friends in other floors
3) havent shown up to any of the clubs i signed up for
4) havent talked to ppl in my classes that much, and infact am behind in many classes, and my grades are starting to suffer.

pretty much it feels like i've lost everything. i had a bad 4 years of high school, and i expected college to be my opportunity to turn it right around, but i got off on a really wrong foot, and i feel absolutely horrible about it, like theres no hope, and the opening window where everyone is friendly and wants friends is gone.
like ppl are already forming groups and such, and i pretty much have no one.

many times, because this has been so hard on me, i've debated the idea of quitting in the middle of my semester, losing the money,
and starting up again next year, giving some time for these issues to blow over.

Basically I'm just a person who wants to live on an okay floor, have a fair share of friends that i meet from the places i go, have ppl that i can do stuff with for fun, and have close friends that i can trust a lot.
i also wanted a clean start to lead into all of this, and to have no negative memories or bad starts like i did in highschool. but its too late for that.
i feel like im scarred, and honestly i want another shot at this, a clean college slate. i want to be a freshman at orientation, not worrying and loving it again. life wasnt happy in high school, and it was supposed to get happy here, and now that i started off wrong, it could take a long time before it does get happy.

although i really want to quit bad, because it never seems like life did exactly what i didnt want it to do,
i know that i can interract just fine during the first few weeks, and that i could have a ton of fun if i just started off on the right foot. thats why i really want to start over badly, because then i would finally get what i want and win in life.

But, I know that if I stay I'm going to try really hard to put an end to all of this obsessing nonsense, and that i'm going to stick around and try really hard to remedy this situation, find cool friends, and be a happy person.

i guess my question is:

if i stay, do you guys have any ideas for how I can flip this around? how I can find friends that are real fun to hang out with, not the nerdy style, but not the popular get drunk style, like the intellectual cool ppl in between.

do you have any ideas for ways that i can forget about my horrible start, and to really flip the mood around?

It just feels like nothing i can do is going to feel as good as it would have if i had started off on the right foot.

First off, realize that what you're going through is not unusual or shameful. It takes a while for many people to adjust to such a ajor lifestyle/responsibility change and now that you recognize what's affecting you you can deal with it. You have more than enough time to fix things as long as you make a firm resolution tonight. Start by trying to make a semester schedule/plan and then execute a few smaller tasks. The friend thing can't be forced, but just be sure to go to any social events advertised on campus and keep as positive an attitude as you can. You'll look back on this in the not too distant future and wonder why you were so concerned

 

[Orsorum]

The choice is always yours.

First off, I would talk to your RA. Issues like yours aren't easy to solve, but your RA should be (should be) accessible and open for you to talk things over with.

Second, there should be a student counseling center on campus. You're not alone. Many people go through what you're going through; there are people there to talk to and to help you out.

I would encourage you to use this weekend to your advantage - if you're serious about figuring this out, talk to your Resident Adviser, visit the student counseling center, and try and talk with some established friends and family.

If you want to chat or anything, PM me or IM me, my sn's the same as my nick.

 

[dolph]

so you got off on the wrong foot. don't give up this early. you need to go to classes, go to the clubs you signed up for, try to hang out with the people on your floor... basically, you can give up now or really try to make something of it. nothing's perfect for anybody, you just happened to get it a little less than others. but it could be a lot worse, you know that. give it until the end of the semester, at least, then decide if it wasn't worth it. but give it a real shot, don't have a defeatest attitude the whole time. & check back in to let us know how you're doing

 

[CyberCowboy]

if i stay, do you guys have any ideas for how I can flip this around? how I can find friends that are real fun to hang out with, not the nerdy style, but not the popular get drunk style, like the intellectual cool ppl in between.

yeah.. don't leave. you haven't been there for that long. Just get out there and meet those people...
I'm a very shy guy.. but my freshmen year, i just went for it.
What I suggest you do is just get noticed first, (if people don't already know you).
Then just start talking to them, (i.e. ask them how their classes are, what majors they are, do they want to have sex with you, etc). Just talk about anything.
Once you start talking to one person, you will get to know everyone else.

By the end of my freshmen year, I knew everyone in the dorm, (and they knew me too!)... So try that.
If you drop out now, then you will just end up sitting around somewhere watching tv and wondering if you could've been going out.
so just do it.

do you have any ideas for ways that i can forget about my horrible start, and to really flip the mood around?

yeah... see what i wrote above.

It just feels like nothing i can do is going to feel as good as it would have if i had started off on the right foot.

there is no such thing as starting off on the right foot because you have two feet, and they should be treated equally or else you will trip, fall, and break your neck!

 

[gopunk]

mm, i really don't think you have lost very much in just one month... people form groups, yea... but the beginning of school is not the only time you can "join" a group... meet people in your classes! i don't think i hang out with anybody i met my very first quarter here. besides, you're *not* going to get to start over, no matter how hard you wish for it... the best you can do is to work from now on.

anyways, in general, i think you're thinking a little too much about this, and trying to force things too much. from another person's perspective, it is kind of weird when you can tell somebody is trying hard to be liked.

but whatever you do, DON'T LET THIS AFFECT YOUR ACADEMICS. drop classes if you have to, take a lighter course load, just make sure you don't ruin your academic career. just read that your grades are suffering... if you get a free drop a year or something, use it!

 

[Ameesh]

just an fyi if you put your baggage and anxiety and depression on your roomates or friends eventually they are gonna hate you. we had a roomate do that to us and we couldnt stand her after a while. make sure you deal with it with your family or therapist. your new college friends are not the people to burden with this.

 

[CyberCowboy]

Originally posted by: Zakath15
The choice is always yours.

First off, I would talk to your RA. Issues like yours aren't easy to solve, but your RA should be (should be) accessible and open for you to talk things over with.

RA's are useless. they don't know anything. But might as well talk to them, since they are your peers.

Second, there should be a student counseling center on campus. You're not alone. Many people go through what you're going through; there are people there to talk to and to help you out.

uh... i don't trust those people.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: CyberCowboy

Originally posted by: Zakath15
The choice is always yours.

First off, I would talk to your RA. Issues like yours aren't easy to solve, but your RA should be (should be) accessible and open for you to talk things over with.

RA's are useless. they don't know anything. But might as well talk to them, since they are your peers.

Second, there should be a student counseling center on campus. You're not alone. Many people go through what you're going through; there are people there to talk to and to help you out.

uh... i don't trust those people.

lol First time I've been called useless. Oh well. I've found my peers to be more use than anyone else, since they can empathize and they generally have something to offer.

That's your choice not to trust them - I choose not to use their services on my campus, some people do.

 

[CyberCowboy]

Originally posted by: Zakath15

Originally posted by: CyberCowboy

Originally posted by: Zakath15
The choice is always yours.

First off, I would talk to your RA. Issues like yours aren't easy to solve, but your RA should be (should be) accessible and open for you to talk things over with.

RA's are useless. they don't know anything. But might as well talk to them, since they are your peers.

Second, there should be a student counseling center on campus. You're not alone. Many people go through what you're going through; there are people there to talk to and to help you out.

uh... i don't trust those people.

lol First time I've been called useless. Oh well. I've found my peers to be more use than anyone else, since they can empathize and they generally have something to offer.

That's your choice not to trust them - I choose not to use their services on my campus, some people do.

yeah.. i choose not to trust them, because one of my friends is an RA and he's an idiot.
so I guess I just biased. but i would just talk to my friends if i had problems.
but i never have problems.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: CyberCowboy

yeah.. i choose not to trust them, because one of my friends is an RA and he's an idiot.
so I guess I just biased. but i would just talk to my friends if i had problems.
but i never have problems.

So why are you friends with an idiot?

I would refrain from judging an entire community/occupation based on the actions of one individual - RA's are human, make mistakes, and are subject to idiocy just as much as anyone else.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Zakath15

Originally posted by: CyberCowboy

yeah.. i choose not to trust them, because one of my friends is an RA and he's an idiot.
so I guess I just biased. but i would just talk to my friends if i had problems.
but i never have problems.

So why are you friends with an idiot?

I would refrain from judging an entire community/occupation based on the actions of one individual - RA's are human, make mistakes, and are subject to idiocy just as much as anyone else.

well, as one that is also friends with an idiot, i would like to offer my views idiots can be fun to hang out with... probably not extended period of time, not good for intellectual conversation... but they can be fun sometimes.

 

[skywalker66]

to be honest,
i dont have a lot of trust in the professional help systems

i think i simply need to let go more on my obsessive thoughts, something that i really havent put a big enough effort into doing yet.

i want to try this first before seeking professional help. (i kinda was but i backed off when i didnt see it going anywhere, its a huge time waster too. hour long appointments, 1-2 a week, and i dont get anything out of them at all)

anyways RAs arent to be trusted for mental health problems. they are meant to recognize problems and refer you to someone else. i've talked to her about getting swtiched to a new floor, and unfortunately i dont think thats happening yet.

If I drop all my classes I would get some Fs definately, but what does that mean? i know it hurts your GPA, but cant u just retake the courses, i thought all that matterd in college was that u passed the courses eventually and got your degree.

anyways, i can still get this new start, its not past me yet. if i dropped out now, and started again next year i could do it. and it would be so much better!

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: gopunk

well, as one that is also friends with an idiot, i would like to offer my views idiots can be fun to hang out with... probably not extended period of time, not good for intellectual conversation... but they can be fun sometimes.

Are you implying something about this RA? double time

Nah, I have some pretty weird friends that I still hang out with and talk to - they're fun. But I still wouldn't trust them with my deep personal issues.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: skywalker66
to be honest,
i dont have a lot of trust in the professional help systems

i think i simply need to let go more on my obsessive thoughts, something that i really havent put a big enough effort into doing yet.

i want to try this first before seeking professional help. (i kinda was but i backed off when i didnt see it going anywhere, its a huge time waster too. hour long appointments, 1-2 a week, and i dont get anything out of them at all)

anyways RAs arent to be trusted for mental health problems. they are meant to recognize problems and refer you to someone else. i've talked to her about getting swtiched to a new floor, and unfortunately i dont think thats happening yet.

That's true. They're not meant to diagnose or treat any sort of serious mental disorder. However, they are meant to be a resource, if you need one.

I don't know many people that can just "shake off" what you're going through. Not to say you need a committed counselor, but you may benefit from at least talking to one.

If I drop all my classes I would get some Fs definately, but what does that mean? i know it hurts your GPA, but cant u just retake the courses, i thought all that matterd in college was that u passed the courses eventually and got your degree.

anyways, i can still get this new start, its not past me yet. if i dropped out now, and started again next year i could do it. and it would be so much better!

An F looks bad, regardless of whether you eventually passed it. And employers do look at your transcript.

If you were to quit now, it'll be just that much harder to get started next year.

 

[gopunk]

If I drop all my classes I would get some Fs definately, but what does that mean? i know it hurts your GPA, but cant u just retake the courses, i thought all that matterd in college was that u passed the courses eventually and got your degree.

oh well, in that case don't drop what do you plan on doing after college? what is your degree? in general, it's always better to get good grades and do well in school... it opens up opportunities further down the line that you might not even see. when my dad was in college, he once got a job offer from his prof after the class ended (my dad did well). unfortunately the offer was on a note in my dad's last hw assignment, which my dad didn't bother to look at until many months later

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: gopunk
If I drop all my classes I would get some Fs definately, but what does that mean? i know it hurts your GPA, but cant u just retake the courses, i thought all that matterd in college was that u passed the courses eventually and got your degree.

oh well, in that case don't drop what do you plan on doing after college? what is your degree? in general, it's always better to get good grades and do well in school... it opens up opportunities further down the line that you might not even see. when my dad was in college, he once got a job offer from his prof after the class ended (my dad did well). unfortunately the offer was on a note in my dad's last hw assignment, which my dad didn't bother to look at until many months later

Haha.

 

[anxman69]

A few things:

CyberCowboy said it well. I support his advice.

Most importantly, YOU have to make the changes in your life, not somebody else. If you want to meet people, then go out there and MEET THEM!!

-Ankur

 

[CyberCowboy]

Originally posted by: skywalker66
to be honest,

If I drop all my classes I would get some Fs definately, but what does that mean? i know it hurts your GPA, but cant u just retake the courses, i thought all that matterd in college was that u passed the courses eventually and got your degree.

well, you can retake courses. but at my college, you can only retake so many classes before they start averaging out the scores. so you better check with you counselor. and if you get on academic probation too many times, you get kicked out.

anyways, i can still get this new start, its not past me yet. if i dropped out now, and started again next year i could do it. and it would be so much better!

so you're gonna be a quitter and quit? doh!

 

[Jfur]

Originally posted by: skywalker66
to be honest,
i dont have a lot of trust in the professional help systems

i think i simply need to let go more on my obsessive thoughts, something that i really havent put a big enough effort into doing yet.

i want to try this first before seeking professional help. (i kinda was but i backed off when i didnt see it going anywhere, its a huge time waster too. hour long appointments, 1-2 a week, and i dont get anything out of them at all)

anyways RAs arent to be trusted for mental health problems. they are meant to recognize problems and refer you to someone else. i've talked to her about getting swtiched to a new floor, and unfortunately i dont think thats happening yet.

If I drop all my classes I would get some Fs definately, but what does that mean? i know it hurts your GPA, but cant u just retake the courses, i thought all that matterd in college was that u passed the courses eventually and got your degree.

anyways, i can still get this new start, its not past me yet. if i dropped out now, and started again next year i could do it. and it would be so much better!

Sometimes I wish for a completely fresh start to things I feel aren't "perfect". Try to realize that that will never happen. I still have some perfectionistic tendencies, but I try to use them constructively and if I start beating myself over the head about something I remember that I can get a lot done in a day or week. If you really want to, you can catch up. Maybe leaving is the right thig to do, but be honest with yourself about how "perfect" a fresh start next year will really be. There will ALWAYS be something that will keep perfection at bay. Maybe by sticking with what you have now and making the best of the situation you will develop some important coping skills that will lead you successfully through life

 

[CyberCowboy]

Originally posted by: Zakath15



So why are you friends with an idiot?

i didn't mean to offend the RAs here.
but yeah.. the RAs i know don't deal well with emotional areas.

and I agree with what gopunk said: "idiots can be fun to hang out with"

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Zakath15

Originally posted by: gopunk

well, as one that is also friends with an idiot, i would like to offer my views idiots can be fun to hang out with... probably not extended period of time, not good for intellectual conversation... but they can be fun sometimes.

Are you implying something about this RA? double time

Nah, I have some pretty weird friends that I still hang out with and talk to - they're fun. But I still wouldn't trust them with my deep personal issues.

lol, nah, another idiot

yea i don't really trust or expect much from my idiot friends. they're more or less for entertainment purposes

 

[CyberCowboy]

Sometimes I wish for a completely fresh start to things I feel aren't "perfect".

yeah.. i wish this too.

I wish I entered college as a comp sci major, rather than spending a year or two switching.
I wish I didn't get those C's in boolean algebra.
I wish I wasn't so skinny.
I wish I had bigger muscles.
I wish my penis was larger than 2".
doh!
straying away from the subject.

anyways, work with what you've got, not with what you wish you had.