Co-worker possibly messing his life up (worse than it is)

[nick1985]

Ugh, where do I begin...

This guy I work with is a really nice guy, but he has some really bad self-esteem issues. I can't think of anything off-hand, but his remarks in the past would lead anyone to believe he doesn't think too highly of himself. He is over 400 pounds, over 25k in credit card debt, and doesn't make a lot of money (~30k pre-tax). He is CONSTANTLY talking about his money problems, how his minimum payments are so high that he can barely even afford those anymore. He has all these money issues yet he eats out every day, has a $130 cable bill (gets all the channels), always buying new movies and Xbox games. He bragged that he had over 2000 DVDs...

Now with some background out of the way, I'll get to the meat of the issue. Obviously, he has trouble meeting girls. He dated one for a little bit but she ended it and he didn't take it very well. He became even more depressed. This past fall he met a new woman through Yahoo personals. She lives in Wisconsin, he lives in Illinois. She has 3 kids. SHE DOES NOT HAVE CUSTODY OF HER KIDS, RED FLAG X10000. She rents a basement from "some guy". She is on "disability", for what I have yet to find out. He drives every weekend to Wisconsin to visit her, she has never once driven down to visit him. He has burned through all of his vacation time to take days off to drive up to Wisconsin to visit.

Up until now I thought he was just learning a life lesson; don't bend over backwards for a (probable) piece of trash. Well, the marriage word just popped a couple weeks ago. He is hell bent on getting married to her and says they have talked about it and both want to. The only thing stopping them is he needs $$$ for a ring. He has been asking me and a few other co-workers for a "loan" so he can buy a ring. Of course we decline. He has been saying that she says she wants to get pregnant with his kid so they can have a family together. Ugh...

Oh yeah, he is talking about giving up his cushy government job (he doesn't get paid much, but he gets a pension, good health insurance, and other benefits) and moving up there to live in the basement with her. I asked about what he would do for a job, he said that she has a friend that could get him a job driving a Coke truck.

Its like a Maury show unfolding before my eyes.



Cliffs:

Co-worker with low self-esteem being hoodwinked into marriage + kids with a lowlife piece of trash in another state.

 

[Dacalo]

I don't think there is anything you can do to dissuade him. If this doesn't work out, he will learn a valuable lesson. If it works out, well, good for him.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Ugh, that is a sad, sad story and unfortunately, unless you know a hot chick who will "date" him for awhile so he would dump this girl, he is about to make the biggest mistake of his life. This lady is looking for a sugar daddy and intends to trap him by getting knocked up.

 

[bfdd]

that sucks for him man, give him some good advice and if he still chooses to fail, well at least you tried.

 

[ShawnD1]

If you don't get him on some serious medication, he'll just keep doing stupid shit. Convincing him that he's making a horrible mistake will be nearly impossible.


My armchair psychiatry + demonology tells me your friend's brain has low serotonin and high dopamine. This is why he is desperate, obsessive, and has poor impulse control. Take him for daily walks and add 5-HTP supplements to every meal he eats. There's also a good chance he's an insomniac, so give him melatonin at 8pm or so. Call me in a week if it's not getting any better.
Oh and this woman is a succubus. I'm a demonologist too, remember.

 

[pcgeek11]

Ugh, where do I begin...

This guy I work with is a really nice guy, but he has some really bad self-esteem issues. I can't think of anything off-hand, but his remarks in the past would lead anyone to believe he doesn't think too highly of himself.

You work with TridenT?

 

[ShawnD1]

You work with TridenT?

Trident has a job?

 

[olds]

<--- L&R

 

[rudeguy]

why do people get so caught up in other people's lives?

Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or something.

 

[nick1985]

that sucks for him man, give him some good advice and if he still chooses to fail, well at least you tried.

I'm trying to drop subtle advice to him, like telling him its a good idea to live (at least in the same state!) with a woman for a bit before you decide marriage is viable. 98&#37; of their relationship has been talking over the phone....

 

[nick1985]

why do people get so caught up in other people's lives?

Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or something.

Because I like the guy and its hard to watch something like this happen. Dont you have best buy forums to troll?

 

[rudeguy]

Because I like the guy and its hard to watch something like this happen. Dont you have best buy forums to troll?

I got bored with that.

The point is that if the guy doesn't learn his own lessons and live his own life, he will never be happy. You do realize that you want to control him, right?

 

[nick1985]

If you don't get him on some serious medication, he'll just keep doing stupid shit. Convincing him that he's making a horrible mistake will be nearly impossible.


My armchair psychiatry + demonology tells me your friend's brain has low serotonin and high dopamine. This is why he is desperate, obsessive, and has poor impulse control. Take him for daily walks and add 5-HTP supplements to every meal he eats. There's also a good chance he's an insomniac, so give him melatonin at 8pm or so. Call me in a week if it's not getting any better.
Oh and this woman is a succubus. I'm a demonologist too, remember.

lol.

I'm not trying to convince him that he is making a grave mistake. I'm not because I know he is blinded and it wont matter what I say, and I risk losing a friend because he would just get upset with me. Like I said, I drop subtle advice here and there, but I'm not in his face about it.

 

[nick1985]

I got bored with that.

The point is that if the guy doesn't learn his own lessons and live his own life, he will never be happy. You do realize that you want to control him, right?

No, I don't want to control him. I dont want a good guy that has some issues to fall into this trap.

 

[nick1985]

Trident has a job?

Trident weighs more than 75 pounds?

 

[rudeguy]

No, I don't want to control him. I dont want a good guy that has some issues to fall into this trap.

I understand completely and know how hard it is to watch something like that go down. I know you want to help him...but its not possible.

And yea...wrong forum.

 

[rudeguy]

Trident weighs more than 75 pounds?

Trident is an underweight 12 year old girl?

 

[thepd7]

Because I like the guy and its hard to watch something like this happen. Dont you have best buy forums to troll?

haha good one.

Sucks to see decent people screw up their lives Nick.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

I think leaving people like that alone is the best choice - they'll solve their problems when they decide to. I have no doubt that they know what is good for themselves or not.

At least for me, I learned more from doing dumb things and having to dig myself out than getting advice from others.

I have no doubt that I'll do dumb things in the future too, but at least it will be on my own terms and I'll learn from it each time.

 

[OutHouse]

lol.

I'm not trying to convince him that he is making a grave mistake. I'm not because I know he is blinded and it wont matter what I say, and I risk losing a friend because he would just get upset with me. Like I said, I drop subtle advice here and there, but I'm not in his face about it.

maybe thats his problem, he has never had anybody tell him point blank "YOU ARE FUCKING UP MAN". If he was my friend I would be in his face.

 

[Mike Gayner]

lol.

I'm not trying to convince him that he is making a grave mistake. I'm not because I know he is blinded and it wont matter what I say, and I risk losing a friend because he would just get upset with me. Like I said, I drop subtle advice here and there, but I'm not in his face about it.

Real friends tell each other what they need to hear.

 

[nick1985]

maybe thats his problem, he has never had anybody tell him point blank "YOU ARE FUCKING UP MAN". If he was my friend I would be in his face.

There are actually a couple of guys here that do say that to him. Those exact words actually. He just thinks in his head that he is making the right choice.

 

[nick1985]

Real friends tell each other what they need to hear.

When I see his other friends telling him straight up that he is making a giant mistake and their words roll off him like water on rocks, I know it wont make a different if I'm in his face about it. I drop hints and advice, I'm pretty sure he knows what I think about it.

 

[xanis]

maybe thats his problem, he has never had anybody tell him point blank "YOU ARE FUCKING UP MAN". If he was my friend I would be in his face.

Yep, a true friend is someone who can tell you what's what, even if you don't want to hear it.

 

[PieIsAwesome]

Tell him exactly what will happen if he goes through with his little plan.