Cliffs Notes on the Bible

OhZyeah

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Oct 27, 2003
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Well, with all the controversies and fuss over the 'Passion' I just want to know the basic story line of the bible so when I watch the movie, I'll have a better understanding of the characters and storyline. Thanks.

I understand the movie is portraying the last 12 hours of Jesus' life. Any input on what happened afterwards.... (resurrection and then what??)
 

Demon-Xanth

Lifer
Feb 15, 2000
20,551
2
81
God created stuff
Sh!t happened.
Flood.
Jesus.
Jesus died.
More stuff happened.
Stuff stopped happening.
 

Gyrene

Banned
Jun 6, 2002
2,841
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God
Darkness
Lightness
Moving stuff
Moving stuff pisses off God
God smites moving stuff with water
Moving stuff comes back
God screws Mary
Mary has Jesus
Jesus builds houses
Jesus gets tired of building house, becomes "God on Earth"
He dies
He doesn't like being dead
He comes back
He hates Earth
He floats up in the air and disappears
 

hdeck

Lifer
Sep 26, 2002
14,530
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Originally posted by: Demon-Xanth
God created stuff
Sh!t happened.
Flood.
Jesus.
Jesus died.
More stuff happened.
Stuff stopped happening.

someone predicted more stuff to happen at the end -- don't forget that part.
 

Demon-Xanth

Lifer
Feb 15, 2000
20,551
2
81
Originally posted by: hdeck
Originally posted by: Demon-Xanth
God created stuff
Sh!t happened.
Flood.
Jesus.
Jesus died.
More stuff happened.
Stuff stopped happening.

someone predicted more stuff to happen at the end -- don't forget that part.


But that was 1500 years ago. And that was more of Sh!t happening.
 

kenshorin

Golden Member
Apr 14, 2001
1,160
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Originally posted by: Demon-Xanth
God created stuff
Sh!t happened.
Flood.
Jesus.
Jesus died.
More stuff happened.
Stuff stopped happening.

You forgot one... this guy begat this guy begat this guy who begat some other guy who was the great grandfather of some other guy.
 

Savij

Diamond Member
Nov 12, 2001
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Nocturnal

Lifer
Jan 8, 2002
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It's more or less about the book of John in which this movie is created after. It isn't about the entire bible, just the 12 hours that leads up to Christ's death.
 

azazyel

Diamond Member
Oct 6, 2000
5,872
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"What you find hateful do not do to another. This is the whole of the Law. Everything else is Commentary. Now go learn that!" Rabbi Hillel
 

fonzinator

Senior member
Nov 5, 2002
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I suggest two things:

1) Simply read the gospel of John (or Matthew, Mark or Luke for that matter). It will only take 25 minutes to read and you'll have a great understanding of the life of Christ.

2) My pastor, John Piper, has written a short book to answer the question "Why?" Christ died. He gives 50 reasons for this and they really do an excellent job of finishing the thought of the movie (the movie doesn't really answer the "Why?"). The book is avaliable here for $5, or anyone can call in and they will give you a book (or any other book on the site) for FREE. :)
 

BillGates

Diamond Member
Nov 30, 2001
7,388
2
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Cliff Notes:

REAL SITUATION: Some guy helps a poor person cross the street.

BIBLE'S STORY:

God
Darkness
Lightness
Moving stuff
Moving stuff pisses off God
God smites moving stuff with water
Moving stuff comes back
God screws Mary
Mary has Jesus
Jesus builds houses
Jesus gets tired of building house, becomes "God on Earth"
He dies
He doesn't like being dead
He comes back
He hates Earth
He floats up in the air and disappears
 

azazyel

Diamond Member
Oct 6, 2000
5,872
1
76
Originally posted by: fonzinator
I suggest two things:

1) Simply read the gospel of John (or Matthew, Mark or Luke for that matter). It will only take 25 minutes to read and you'll have a great understanding of the life of Christ.

You forgot Thomas...