- Oct 10, 1999
- 9,286
- 15
- 81
I have a present situation which I need help with.
Back in Feb. of 2002 an intervention was done on my X-Wife for Drug and Alcohol abuse and she was submitted to The Betty Ford Clinic after a rash of instances where she had passed out while in charge of our son, I was either at work or at a 12-step meetings during these times, as well there was an adulterous relationship taking place and an excessive amount of money being spent on delivery sushi, delivery groceries, alcohol and drug prescriptions and I asked for a Divorce. I was unable to come up with the money that was requested by the attorney at the time for a rather aggressive "at fault? type divorce and settled on a do-it-yourself type divorce with my X-Wife. During that time it was my intent to offer as much Money and property to her as to make it as easy as possible for her and my son to live in the familiar surroundings of the house we purchased together. I signed over the title to the house and left the house with little or no property so as to make sure the environment in the house wasn?t disturbed too much as to raise concern for my son. I attempted to be as amicable as possible about a situation in which I felt very abused and lied to keeping in mind that my son had a chance at having a sober mother and the security of a stable home. Over the course of the year I became increasingly suspicious that the sobriety I had hoped for was not coming about. She apparently either stopped attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and/or resumed drinking sometime in August.
During the middle to late part of summer, my emotional state and employment situation became unstable as the weight of the divorce, personal issues related to the divorce and the events that precluded it and a downturn in the economy all came together and I found myself in a situation where I was paying $1,500 a month to my X-Wife and making only a few hundred dollars more than that a month. I started to take on a heavy amount of debt through needed use of credit cards and had started requesting that we, my X-wife and I, revisit the Child Support issue as it was becoming clear that I couldn?t afford that much in payments. I requested this on many occasions to no avail. Finally it reached a point in which I could no longer make a payment of any sort to her, my credit cards or utilities around October. I sought a more stable Employment situation and was hired by a software firm in Burbank in November, making less than what I had hoped for and at that time my X-Wife offered to take $850 a month as she described that as fair according to the "formula". I agreed to that, I generally make two payments of $425 one on the first and one for $425 on the 15th, I also informed her that I had a lot of debt and a lot of unpaid bills that I needed to take care of and that I would do what I could to get back on schedule as soon as possible. I have complete records of checks made out to her since March 22nd 2002, as that is that actual date that I moved from the house, which add up to $8,860 for the 10 months I have been out of the house.
In the meantime, I started to notice that my son was becoming, "detached" or "withdrawn" and he was complaining about "sleep overs" and "babysitters", this coincided with repeated conversations with my X-wife concerning her dates and dating. I had concerns about my sons attendance at school, his homework being completed, the amount of time that his mother was actually in care and caring for him and his needs and I began to suspect that Drugs and Alcohol were again being used but could not "prove" anything as I would only be in her presence during the minutes I was there to take custody of my son for visitation. This concern grew on almost a weekly basis and my sons "withdrawn" state increased up until Jan 16th 2003 when in a visit to my sons house I found my son again feeding himself and essentially unattended, I asked where his mom was and he told me "in the tub", I took that as she was bathing for a later date or what have you. After playing with my son for approximately 45-60 minutes I needed to go and I asked him to tell his mom I was leaving. He came and told me she was "sleeping", she was in fact passed out in a tub filled with cold water. This of course is/was the same type of behavior exhibited during the previous years.
I was instructed previously by my Ala-non sponsor that when this event happened that I was to inform my X-Wife that I was taking my son and that she could see him the next day. Knowing that even in a drunken stupor she wouldn?t allow this, I would repeat my statement until she threatened to call the police, at which time I was to suggest she did as that would be the only way that I would not be taking my son. She did in fact call the police and I waited for their arrival, in the meantime a friend of hers came over and informed her of the consequences of a police report and she called the police and cancelled the request. I did not plan for that outcome and took my son home with me for 4 days without calling the police and filing a report or pressing charges, to my eternal regret.
Since that time she has been increasingly hostile and verbally abusive, almost challenging me to react to her outlandish remarks and insinuations, she displays a great deal of confabulation, and is unrepentive for her actions, either for the divorce or for the harm inflicted on her own son. Just last Friday during the time that I pick up my son my X-Wife, to my surprise, handed me a stack of mail from New York Life who is my Life Insurance company, she, my X-Wife, informed me that she wasn?t going to "Pay these anymore" and that she had been paying them during the year because she was the beneficiary. I was never made aware that the New York Life policies were being delivered there, or given any mail during the year from New York Life by her and never gave her the authority to open and pay the policy statements. She was sure to give me other items of mail and magazines that didn?t have the address change. That isn't the only time that has happened, she has been warned on 2 previous occasions not to open my mail. I placed a call to the US Postal Inspector and they say that they do not have jurisdiction if the mail was delivered there over who opens those items and to speak with local law officials. I went to the Van Nuys Substation to file a report and they said it was the post offices responsibility. I thought this was a Felony and covered under US Code (s) : TITLE 18 > PART I > CHAPTER 83 > Sec. 1701 and TITLE 18 > PART I > CHAPTER 83 > Sec. 1708.? But nobody knows how to enforce it? She, my X-Wife, has now hired an attorney to insure that I pay the $850 a month. I have no issue with paying child support provided I have the funds. I missed a payment for $425 on Jan 1, 2003, she had already agreed to that in a previous email and instant message which I have copies of, since I had to clean up yet more bills that hadn't been paid, and I agreed to make that payment up to her. I have no issue with her taking me to court and seeking more funds, provided my son has a sober and secure environment to live in. I have come to my ropes end and I have no intent on allowing any more "poor behavior" to effect my son. My reluctance to take my son away from his house and his mother have been surpassed with the desire to offer my son a better and more secure life with a sane and sober father, but my actions over the past year with NOT filing the original divorce papers for a "At Fault Divorce" on grounds of Drug/Alcohol abuse and Adultery and my lack of responsiveness to obvious Child Endangerment seemingly have me behind the "8-ball" and I regret that my decisions have allowed this to happen.
I have very little money with which to pursue a custody suit, where my X-Wife's family has quite a lot of money and assets. I have been trying to document as much as I could but lost a great deal of correspondences from 6-2002 thru 10-2002 due to a computer failure. I am frustrated, I am angry and I am scared for my son. If you have any suggestions on where to go, who to contact, Legal Groups specializing in Fathers rights and cases such as mine I would be eternally grateful.
Back in Feb. of 2002 an intervention was done on my X-Wife for Drug and Alcohol abuse and she was submitted to The Betty Ford Clinic after a rash of instances where she had passed out while in charge of our son, I was either at work or at a 12-step meetings during these times, as well there was an adulterous relationship taking place and an excessive amount of money being spent on delivery sushi, delivery groceries, alcohol and drug prescriptions and I asked for a Divorce. I was unable to come up with the money that was requested by the attorney at the time for a rather aggressive "at fault? type divorce and settled on a do-it-yourself type divorce with my X-Wife. During that time it was my intent to offer as much Money and property to her as to make it as easy as possible for her and my son to live in the familiar surroundings of the house we purchased together. I signed over the title to the house and left the house with little or no property so as to make sure the environment in the house wasn?t disturbed too much as to raise concern for my son. I attempted to be as amicable as possible about a situation in which I felt very abused and lied to keeping in mind that my son had a chance at having a sober mother and the security of a stable home. Over the course of the year I became increasingly suspicious that the sobriety I had hoped for was not coming about. She apparently either stopped attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and/or resumed drinking sometime in August.
During the middle to late part of summer, my emotional state and employment situation became unstable as the weight of the divorce, personal issues related to the divorce and the events that precluded it and a downturn in the economy all came together and I found myself in a situation where I was paying $1,500 a month to my X-Wife and making only a few hundred dollars more than that a month. I started to take on a heavy amount of debt through needed use of credit cards and had started requesting that we, my X-wife and I, revisit the Child Support issue as it was becoming clear that I couldn?t afford that much in payments. I requested this on many occasions to no avail. Finally it reached a point in which I could no longer make a payment of any sort to her, my credit cards or utilities around October. I sought a more stable Employment situation and was hired by a software firm in Burbank in November, making less than what I had hoped for and at that time my X-Wife offered to take $850 a month as she described that as fair according to the "formula". I agreed to that, I generally make two payments of $425 one on the first and one for $425 on the 15th, I also informed her that I had a lot of debt and a lot of unpaid bills that I needed to take care of and that I would do what I could to get back on schedule as soon as possible. I have complete records of checks made out to her since March 22nd 2002, as that is that actual date that I moved from the house, which add up to $8,860 for the 10 months I have been out of the house.
In the meantime, I started to notice that my son was becoming, "detached" or "withdrawn" and he was complaining about "sleep overs" and "babysitters", this coincided with repeated conversations with my X-wife concerning her dates and dating. I had concerns about my sons attendance at school, his homework being completed, the amount of time that his mother was actually in care and caring for him and his needs and I began to suspect that Drugs and Alcohol were again being used but could not "prove" anything as I would only be in her presence during the minutes I was there to take custody of my son for visitation. This concern grew on almost a weekly basis and my sons "withdrawn" state increased up until Jan 16th 2003 when in a visit to my sons house I found my son again feeding himself and essentially unattended, I asked where his mom was and he told me "in the tub", I took that as she was bathing for a later date or what have you. After playing with my son for approximately 45-60 minutes I needed to go and I asked him to tell his mom I was leaving. He came and told me she was "sleeping", she was in fact passed out in a tub filled with cold water. This of course is/was the same type of behavior exhibited during the previous years.
I was instructed previously by my Ala-non sponsor that when this event happened that I was to inform my X-Wife that I was taking my son and that she could see him the next day. Knowing that even in a drunken stupor she wouldn?t allow this, I would repeat my statement until she threatened to call the police, at which time I was to suggest she did as that would be the only way that I would not be taking my son. She did in fact call the police and I waited for their arrival, in the meantime a friend of hers came over and informed her of the consequences of a police report and she called the police and cancelled the request. I did not plan for that outcome and took my son home with me for 4 days without calling the police and filing a report or pressing charges, to my eternal regret.
Since that time she has been increasingly hostile and verbally abusive, almost challenging me to react to her outlandish remarks and insinuations, she displays a great deal of confabulation, and is unrepentive for her actions, either for the divorce or for the harm inflicted on her own son. Just last Friday during the time that I pick up my son my X-Wife, to my surprise, handed me a stack of mail from New York Life who is my Life Insurance company, she, my X-Wife, informed me that she wasn?t going to "Pay these anymore" and that she had been paying them during the year because she was the beneficiary. I was never made aware that the New York Life policies were being delivered there, or given any mail during the year from New York Life by her and never gave her the authority to open and pay the policy statements. She was sure to give me other items of mail and magazines that didn?t have the address change. That isn't the only time that has happened, she has been warned on 2 previous occasions not to open my mail. I placed a call to the US Postal Inspector and they say that they do not have jurisdiction if the mail was delivered there over who opens those items and to speak with local law officials. I went to the Van Nuys Substation to file a report and they said it was the post offices responsibility. I thought this was a Felony and covered under US Code (s) : TITLE 18 > PART I > CHAPTER 83 > Sec. 1701 and TITLE 18 > PART I > CHAPTER 83 > Sec. 1708.? But nobody knows how to enforce it? She, my X-Wife, has now hired an attorney to insure that I pay the $850 a month. I have no issue with paying child support provided I have the funds. I missed a payment for $425 on Jan 1, 2003, she had already agreed to that in a previous email and instant message which I have copies of, since I had to clean up yet more bills that hadn't been paid, and I agreed to make that payment up to her. I have no issue with her taking me to court and seeking more funds, provided my son has a sober and secure environment to live in. I have come to my ropes end and I have no intent on allowing any more "poor behavior" to effect my son. My reluctance to take my son away from his house and his mother have been surpassed with the desire to offer my son a better and more secure life with a sane and sober father, but my actions over the past year with NOT filing the original divorce papers for a "At Fault Divorce" on grounds of Drug/Alcohol abuse and Adultery and my lack of responsiveness to obvious Child Endangerment seemingly have me behind the "8-ball" and I regret that my decisions have allowed this to happen.
I have very little money with which to pursue a custody suit, where my X-Wife's family has quite a lot of money and assets. I have been trying to document as much as I could but lost a great deal of correspondences from 6-2002 thru 10-2002 due to a computer failure. I am frustrated, I am angry and I am scared for my son. If you have any suggestions on where to go, who to contact, Legal Groups specializing in Fathers rights and cases such as mine I would be eternally grateful.
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