Checklist For When You Die!!

Nov 8, 2012
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#1
Added exclamation points for emphasis :p

So I'll be honest, it scares the shit o of me that if I were to pass away that I feel like my spouse would be clueless in one or more areas.... It could be simple things that plenty of people don't think of such as.... Social security benefits... or simply employer based life insurance... or if I didn't pass away, long term disability benefits from my employer. The list runs on- and on.

Anyone happen to have a list or advice on a checklist of items for a spouse to go through if the other party were to pass away? Anyone ever thought about this type of thing?
 
Jul 15, 2003
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#2
I dont care about anyone but myself. So it really doesnt matter. I wont do anything to prepare.
 
Jul 12, 2006
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#3
1: Bury Mayne's bones
2: shoot self
 
Nov 30, 2004
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#4
Stuff isn't rocket surgery. If someone can't take care of themselves, fuck 'em. I'd notify people of non obvious stuff that has value, so it doesn't just get tossed, but otherwise, I assume adults know how to handle life.
 
Oct 12, 2009
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#5
Stuff isn't rocket surgery. If someone can't take care of themselves, fuck 'em. I'd notify people of non obvious stuff that has value, so it doesn't just get tossed, but otherwise, I assume adults know how to handle life.
The normal stuff, life insurance and the like, no problem for my wife. All of the shit that has to happen to run my office, regulation nation, I hope I'd have 6 months to educate someone. She could sell it and make $$. If she could hire someone to run it, she'd earn the sale price in 3-4 years and still own it.
 
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spacejamz

Diamond Member
Mar 31, 2003
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#6
Do you have a will? might one to get one so she doesnt have to mess with going through the state to probate everything (will vary by state)....

Funeral arrangements? this can cost anywhere from $7k up (we paid around $28k for my dad two years ago)...what kinds of coffin? wood? metal? how fancy (handles/lining/etc)? do you want to the extra protection thing they put the casket in to protect it longer? creamations are cheaper. Funerals homes wont start doing anything until they are paid in full so if your wife is waiting on the life insurance check to cover the funeral expenses, it could take awhile (meanwhile they will charge her a 'storgage' fee).

Specify your DNR (Do not resuscitate) in writing. trying to make this decision if you are not conscious can be difficult. For example, if you had open heart surgery after a heart attack and a day later you start to flat line, your wife might have to decide if they should use paddles to revive you (this is an extreme case but can definitely happen).

Make sure she gets plenty of death certificates to mail to your creditors, etc...it is alot more expensive to get additional copies later on...
 
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Jul 20, 2001
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#7
Be sure to bundle up my coffin.
 

spacejamz

Diamond Member
Mar 31, 2003
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#9
Stuff isn't rocket surgery. If someone can't take care of themselves, fuck 'em. I'd notify people of non obvious stuff that has value, so it doesn't just get tossed, but otherwise, I assume adults know how to handle life.
Trying to handle 'life' immediately after your spouse/parents/etc passes can be difficult. There are alot of things going on and if you have not dealt with it before, it is not as easy as you state.
 
Jul 20, 2001
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#11
On a sort of serious note: if you are terminally ill and you know you are terminally ill, get rid of your porn stash. A surviving spouse probably doen't want to have to deal with it when you are gone. And yes, this happened to one of my wife's friends. Her husband left behind a treasure trove of VHS tapes.
 

kn51

Senior member
Aug 16, 2012
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#13
Damn weird. Just learned an hour ago my father-in-law died.
 

snoopy7548

Diamond Member
Jan 1, 2005
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#14
On a sort of serious note: if you are terminally ill and you know you are terminally ill, get rid of your porn stash. A surviving spouse probably doen't want to have to deal with it when you are gone. And yes, this happened to one of my wife's friends. Her husband left behind a treasure trove of VHS tapes.
I was gonna say... if I knew I was going to die I would have to destroy all of my hard drives.
 
Nov 8, 2012
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#15
Stuff isn't rocket surgery. If someone can't take care of themselves, fuck 'em. I'd notify people of non obvious stuff that has value, so it doesn't just get tossed, but otherwise, I assume adults know how to handle life.
You married by chance?

I ask because in my case (and in plenty of cases) - tasks and responsibilities get divy'd up typically.... It is usually separated by means of whom does the task the best, or simply who is anal about making sure it's done correctly. So for example - I would never let my wife handle finances. I do a ton of work to make sure everything is done with proper accounting, proper documentation, etc... I also know far more about proper investment and how to not get screw'd over in a world where investment banks love to screw over dumb people.

That's just an example - and while my wife could PROBABLY get by just fine, I would want her to be fully prepared to know everything that is in front of her that needs to be managed.
 
Nov 30, 2004
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#16
You married by chance?

I ask because in my case (and in plenty of cases) - tasks and responsibilities get divy'd up typically.... It is usually separated by means of whom does the task the best, or simply who is anal about making sure it's done correctly. So for example - I would never let my wife handle finances. I do a ton of work to make sure everything is done with proper accounting, proper documentation, etc... I also know far more about proper investment and how to not get screw'd over in a world where investment banks love to screw over dumb people.

That's just an example - and while my wife could PROBABLY get by just fine, I would want her to be fully prepared to know everything that is in front of her that needs to be managed.
Not any more, but I always told my spouse what was going on with money. It wasn't in-depth, but enough to leave bread crumbs they could figure out if I disappeared.

I think you're an accountant, or perform similar duties? I wouldn't expect anyone to follow a professional's setup the way the professional did. If your stuff's complicated, just keep it professionally documented, and get the services of an accountant or financial planner you trust. They can do the work, and give advice if you're gone. You can't expect the wife to do as well as you did, assuming she isn't in a similar field.
 

Lanyap

Elite Member
Dec 23, 2000
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#17
My wife and I talk about it frequently. It can be overwhelming when you first start thinking about it so you will need to focus but it's worth it for peace of mind. IIRC you are in between jobs so now is a good time to do this.

To start, sit down with your spouse with pen and paper and list all of your assets for both. Document contact information and review each and determine whether the asset should be joint ownership or a beneficiary TOD (transfer on death). Make sure you understand beneficiary vs TOD for each asset like bank accounts, stock, mutual funds, IRA, 401(k). You may want to start a spreadsheet with the info you accumulate.

Make a will and look into whether you need a trust. You don't want anything to go to probate. When you make a will be sure to have an instruction document to tell each spouse what to do first. You also need to consider if both of you should die at the same time like a car accident.

Use a password manager like keepass to keep track of access to each asset where appropriate and make sure you both know the password. With Keepass you can add fields and comments related to your "death" checklist.

Here is a link with checklists for this task. You will need to look through multiple checklists since one list doesn't capture everything.
https://www.google.com/search?hl=en...41j33i22i29i30j0i70i255j46i275j46.vF_V1zpshBs


Make sure your spouse has credit in their own name and has a credit history. If everything is in your name they will have problems with credit after you die.

The above will give you a good start. Good luck.
 
Nov 8, 2012
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#18
Do you have a will? might one to get one so she doesnt have to mess with going through the state to probate everything (will vary by state)....
Sadly I don't yet - I'm currently 30 so I'm early but I understand that is something that I honestly need to get done. We just had our first kid so we are still in the phase of "defining" things. From my understanding, for my state (TX) it's one where everything defaults to my spouse anyhow. Regardless of no will, everything defaults ownership to my wife if I were to pass away (and vice versa).

Also from my understanding I'm getting the general idea that a Trust is more of a smart idea? Your thoughts here would be appreciated.

Funeral arrangements? this can cost anywhere from $7k up (we paid around $28k for my dad two years ago)...what kinds of coffin? wood? metal? how fancy (handles/lining/etc)? do you want to the extra protection thing they put the casket in to protect it longer? creamations are cheaper. Funerals homes wont start doing anything until they are paid in full so if your wife is waiting on the life insurance check to cover the funeral expenses, it could take awhile (meanwhile they will charge her a 'storgage' fee).
I've pretty much already told my wife here - don't spend shitloads of money to put me into the ground. Burn me to ashes and put me in a cardboard box or throw me on someone for all I care. I honestly don't care for the concept of honoring a dead body outside of the funeral.

Upfront money will never be an issue. We always have rainy day funds.

Specify your DNR (Do not resuscitate) in writing. trying to make this decision if you are not conscious can be difficult. For example, if you had open heart surgery after a heart attack and a day later you start to flat line, your wife might have to decide if they should use paddles to revive you (this is an extreme case but can definitely happen).
Very valid point. This is definitely one of those items that you don't think about. I take it something like this should definitely be written by a professional since it's literally a life or death sentence(s).

Make sure she gets plenty of death certificates to mail to your creditors, etc...it is alot more expensive to get additional copies later on...[/QUOTE]

Mind going into further detail here? Since I'm in a state where everything defaults to her if I were to pass away, wouldn't debt as well? Thus she wouldn't be able to say "lol he is dead so you can't collect"?
 
Nov 8, 2012
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#19
On a sort of serious note: if you are terminally ill and you know you are terminally ill, get rid of your porn stash. A surviving spouse probably doen't want to have to deal with it when you are gone. And yes, this happened to one of my wife's friends. Her husband left behind a treasure trove of VHS tapes.
Eh, all my pr0n is digital. I figure my wife would roll her eyes and laugh. She pretty much already knows I have it.
 

Mike64

Platinum Member
Apr 22, 2011
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#20
Frankly, I always think it's a little weird when spouses have such totally compartmentalized "roles" that the other would have no clue about any "business" that potentially concerns the surviving spouse, if they even become incapacitated, much less died. (I mean, throughout most people's adult lives, it's a lot more likely that they'll get hit by a bus and end up in the hospital for a month or two than that they'll die so "suddenly" that they can't tell the spouse where to look for relevant paperwork).

But "lists of things" to go through are pretty standard and widely available, in print and online, and if the surviving spouse is that clueless, or so devastated that they can't function for a significant period after the other person's death, they'll need outside assistance of one sort or another, who will be in a position to tell them what to look for (or look for it themselves with the permission/authority of the survivor). So much more relevant is keeping your "paperwork" in some sort of even vaguely organized manner, in some relatively obvious place so it can be found when it's needed. And if you keep stuff in a safe deposit box, make sure it's jointly held with the spouse/partner (and that they know where the key is kept) so they don't have to wait until probate is granted to get access to it...
 
May 24, 2003
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www.uovalor.com
#22
Get a will done, the lawyer will more or less have a list like that and guide you through. Also in your workplace's intranet or wherever you go to manage your benefits and stuff there should also be a section to tell it to go to specific people, or to your estate. I just made it go to my estate that way the will takes care of who it goes to.
 

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