At a more casual neighborhood place, I kind of expect the check to arrive during dessert and I really don't mind. The places I go to regularly aren't running me out - they're still coming by to refill drinks, ask if we want anything, etc. It makes it easier when we're ready to leave, though. I mean, yeah, it does turn the table faster in that it eliminates a wait for the check, but it's not going to rush me and I don't think the intent is to do so. For instance, if I don't get the check by the time I want it, I just put my card at the edge of the table and most servers know what to do. I'm talking places in the $50pp range (DC area, with a beer or mixed drink per head).
At fine dining places, the check should never hit the table until the diner asks for it. It's much more common there to linger after the meal, maybe have an after dinner drink, or just sit around and bullshit. Many places of this type are only planning to turn the table once that night anyway, if at all. It's part of, and priced into, the experience. Therefore, I would feel rushed there if the check arrived before I asked for it.
As for servers acting overly familiar or addressing us informally, I don't really care. We're younger (late 20's), and maybe that's just part of my generation there. This includes fine dining, where I'd expect to see more formal service. I appreciate that the wait staff is very professional there, but I'll usually crack a quiet joke on their first or second visit to the table to let them know that they're free to talk to us, etc. Most will pick up on that read, and usually appreciate it.
Bottom line - some of these norms are going to depend on where you are, both geographically and the type of restaurant. It's also dependent upon some sort of communication with the staff. Believe me, the staff wants to do whatever it is that you want in order to draw the best possible tip. I swear some of the better waiters, esp at higher end places, are borderline mind readers, but they can't all be. If something is wrong, you should politely speak up while you're still there rather than bitch about it afterwards. Let them fix it on the spot - you're spending the money anyway, and you'll leave having had a better time.
Diners do have responsibility in the exchange.