Cat is dying - need advice re: putting him down

[Sho'Nuff]

Sigh. Its been one of those days. Found out this morning that my cat Monroe has heart failure and is not long for this world. He was fine 7 days ago, and then all of a sudden he stopped eating. Has lost 1.5 lbs since that time, and looks emaciated and miserable. Took him to the vet this morning and got the bad news. Wife is having a hard time dealing with the reality of the situation. The writing is on the wall that we need to have him put down, but she wants to try medicating him first to see if we can give him a few more months of a quality life. I think this is a bit crazy and that we should have the cat put down soon. As in possibly tomorrow or over the weekend. This is not just for our sake, but for his sake. He can barely move, doesn't eat, and generally looks miserable. Couple that with the fact that there is no chance he will recover and the decision seems eminently clear. Not to mention that dying from heart failure is not pretty, and I am not ready to have the death talk with my 4 year old son yet.

That said, I have come to grips with the fact that I need to be the one to decide to put the cat down. My only concerns relate to how and when to do it. How is fairly easy . . ., but when is tougher. Should I do it without telling my wife? Or should I involve her in the decision? I'm leaning towards the former because she will probably try to drag this out . . . to the detriment of the cat and to herself.

I always knew that eventually I would have to make this decision. I just didn't realize how tough it would be. My wife gave me this cat as a wedding present, and he has been part of the family ever since.

edit Update in post 46.

 

[exdeath]

:'(

 

[ManBearPig]

deleted

 

[lxskllr]

Sorry to hear that. Definitely DON'T do it without consulting the wife. She should be involved in the care, and disposition of a family member. Medication isn't unreasonable if it isn't unreasonable. An honest talk with the vet will determine that. Otherwise, put him down at the vet. It's an extremely quick process.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

Did the vet tell you what he/she thinks about when you should do it? It is a really, really difficult thing to do. Probably the most emotional thing I've had to go through (our dog). No easy way about it, but it really helps if you have a good vet. Ours made us feel really comfortable with what we had to do, and explained that we were doing the right and necessary thing. In addition, if your pet really is sick enough for you to have to do this, you will feel good about ending their misery.

Sorry about your pet. Just remember you really are doing the right thing.

Unfortunately the Vet was not much help. He just said that we have to "make a decision that is right for our family." He was realistic and said that "if" the medication works, we will have maybe 3 months with the cat, of which possibly 2 will be "semi-normal." In the meantime, I have to subject the poor cat to multiple medications per day by force feeding him pills. I did it the first time tonight and it just seemed wrong.

Sometimes its just better to let go.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

Sorry to hear that. Definitely DON'T do it without consulting the wife. She should be involved in the care, and disposition of a family member. Medication isn't unreasonable if it isn't unreasonable. An honest talk with the vet will determine that. Otherwise, put him down at the vet. It's an extremely quick process.

Thanks. I'm going to call the vet tomorrow and have a discussion with him. I wasn't there today (my wife brought the cat in) and didn't have the opportunity to ask the tough questions. My wife was a wreck when she found out about the cats decision and wasn't in a position to ask those questions either, unfortunately.

Sorry if I am sounding matter of fact. I was an EMT a long time ago and whenever stuff like this comes up I go into a weird emotional shell and just try to "deal" with whatever needs to be done.

 

[Xed]

Explain to your wife that keeping the cat alive a bit longer only delays the inevitable and only makes her feel better. I'd give everyone time to say goodbye before going back to the vet once you make the decision.

Sorry for your (upcoming) loss. Putting a pet down is just a terrible experience.

 

[Ricky Spanish]

I am sorry you are in this situation.

The bottom line is quality of life, so discuss with the wife and vet and you will get your answer.

 

[skyking]

As stated above, you need to have your wife involved. Hopefully you can both sit down with the vet and he can help you to get to the right decision.

 

[randomrogue]

The two of you should go to the vet together. They'll leave you 3 in a room together to say your goodbyes. You then leave. If you want to bury him you can wait or pick him up later.

It's no fun but making the cat suffer is terrible. Vets are used to this so they'll give you time to say goodbye.

 

[postmortemIA]

Another perspective here. I don't want to sound harsh, just being honest. I've seen cats want to die, simply by refusing to eat for months, and owners do everything they can in order to keep it alive, including feeding them one way or another. Very miserable way to live, to be forced to live. Similar to people asking for euthanasia because life for sake of living (or living for others) is not worth it. I think that cat has already made a choice, owners just can't let it go, something that was part of the family for so long...

 

[Gooberlx2]

Seems clear that putting it down is the humane decision for the poor guy, but I promise you'll regret making the decision without your wife's involvement. Do your best to convince her.

 

[Agent11]

Try putting the pill on the tip of your finger and squirting some cheese whiz onto it. My cats gobble them up.

 

[Capt Caveman]

Sorry to hear about your cat. I know you weren't there with the vet but what are the odds of the medication improving your cat's health and giving him a good quality of life?

When I thought I had to put my first dog down, I first went home and was given several medications and if in a couple of days, things did not improve, to come in and have her put to sleep. To my astonishment, her condition improved dramatically and she had a good six more months of a high quality of life. Six additional months that I'm very happy to have had.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

 

[lxskllr]

So best case is you get two (good)months with the cat. If that's accurate, I think the only reasonable approach is to put him down. He can go out(seconds) in a dream with you rubbing his head. That's better than two months of misery, having pills shoved down his throat.

 

[jteef]

put him down.

had a 20 year old cat with pnemonia. kept hoping he'd get over it for a couple weeks. decided enough was enough and drove him to the vet. he wretched and died on the way, which was the worst possible outcome...

It sucks terribly, but you aren't doing anybody any favors by waiting.

 

[2timer]

Sorry about your situation OP. I would definitely bring the wife to a forthright vet and have "the talk." Sometimes it's better to trust your gut then to try and be pliant while the animal is suffering.

Hope this helps, and good luck to you.

 

[JBT]

Sounds like its time to bring the cat in. I recently went through this about three years ago. Cats simply won't eat when they don't feel good. Its going to be a challenge over the next few months. You will have to fight with the cat every single day. If the doc said 3 more months even with the treatment it sounds like now is the time do it.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Sorry to hear that man. I've had to make that decision with other cats and dogs I've owned over the years and it never gets easier... in fact, I think it gets harder to deal with as I get older.

My feelings go out to you and your family. :'(

 

[Red Squirrel]

Sorry to hear of that situation. Unless there's a slight chance the medication or another procedure can be a permanent fix, extending it's life for only a few months is only going to add to the pain of knowing you'll no longer have him/her shortly. May as well just get it over with. If it was my cat I'd probably give it a few days at most, maybe even get the day off the spend all the time I can with it, and then get it done. Not easy to go through nonetheless.

 

[VulgarDisplay]

Whatever you do involve the family even if it upsets them. They will be far more upset if you handle this situation without them.

My wife and I went on vacation and her Parents were watching our dog. We came home and they told us the dog was put down the day after we left and they didn't want to ruin our trip by telling us. Fuck vacation I would have given anything to be there with him at the end.

They robbed us of the chance to say goodbye to him and for that I hate them and I do mean full on hate. So, don't try and be heroic and save them from the situation.

(the night we left he started whining non stop and shitting uncontrollably. Took him to the vet and they found a tumor the size of a fist had grown around his large intestine near his anus and blocked him up for weeks if not months. They put him down on the spot.)

 

[tcG]

They robbed us of the chance to say goodbye to him and for that I hate them and I do mean full on hate. So, don't try and be heroic and save them from the situation.

How immature and idiotic.

 

[RampantAndroid]

Unfortunately the Vet was not much help. He just said that we have to "make a decision that is right for our family." He was realistic and said that "if" the medication works, we will have maybe 3 months with the cat, of which possibly 2 will be "semi-normal." In the meantime, I have to subject the poor cat to multiple medications per day by force feeding him pills. I did it the first time tonight and it just seemed wrong.

Sometimes its just better to let go.

I've force fed my one cat pills. What a *(&%ing nightmare. It wasn't pleasant for me OR the cat...and this was when he was a few months old and was wheezing. Thank goodness that cat is overly forgiving, but any other cat would have hidden from me afterwards for a few hours.

Honestly, take your wife aside and just tell her you want to put the cat down. Be resolute in that, don't let he sway you....but tell her you're doing it "tomorrow at 9" or whatever. Give her time to say goodbye and have the two of you figure out how to break it to your son. She won't be happy in the short term (nor will your son) but it's the right thing to do, and hopefully she'll understand it.

 

[Cyco]

I'm not one that cares for cats, but I do understand how much a pet means in one's life. I wish you the strength you need for this difficult situation.

 

[ericb]

How immature and idiotic.

It's actually not. Some people consider pets their children and they should have been told at the very least. The parents way overstepped and did what they thought was best not what was best. I do consider hate a little extreme unless they did it maliciously though.

Sorry for your cat though. I've lost more than a couple in my life (including the cat I rescued that was the first pet that was truly mine) and it never gets easier. But it's your responsibility to care for them and making it suffer a couple months isn't right.