Cat Dilemma Help Needed

Encryptic

Diamond Member
May 21, 2003
8,885
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Fair warning: Stay the fsck out if you have nothing useful to contribute. If you don't like cats or just want to post a typical flamebait comment like "Cats suck", don't bother posting.

Cliffs Notes are not included. Reading comprehension and a attention span longer than 5 seconds are required.

As the title says, I've got a cat problem and thought I'd hit up the boundless wisdom of ATOT for help.

A little background first:

My wife had this cat for 5 years before we got together. We've been together for about 4 years so he's about 9 years old now. I love the little guy dearly since I've lived with him for a few years and we get along famously now. He was apparently abused by a (very) ex-boyfriend of my wife's some time before we got together (he was thrown against a wall by this asshole ex-boyfriend during an argument) and ever since then he's had a mean streak miles wide and absolutely hates people (men in particular), and other cats (with the exception of our other two cats). Not to mention, he was apparently diagnosed as being bipolar by a vet when he was a kitten, so his mood swings back and forth between being the sweetest kitty to being the spawn of Satan.

Fortunately, he did warm up to me after a couple of years of living in the same house and we get along just fine at this point. Unfortunately, he also seems to consider me "his" property and can't stand the fact that our youngest cat (a dominant female who has bonded with me) is so attached to me and I show her a lot of affection. I try to give all 3 cats plenty of attention, but it's not good enough for him, apparently.

This wasn't so much of a problem until recently, it seemed. We've lived in a nice big apartment, things have been nice and quiet for a couple of years and he was actually starting to mellow out a little. Unfortunately, with the birth of our son, he seems to have started getting worse. Every day he decides to attack the youngest cat (he doesn't actually injure her but he smacks the crap out of her with his paws), tear up the carpet or otherwise do something to be a pain in the ass. I'm tired of squirting him with the water bottle (we've trained all 3 cats with the water bottle) and trying to keep him apart from the other cats to reduce the friction. We've got plenty of room in the house for all 3 cats to stay apart from each other, so that's not an issue. As it is, he attacks the other cats or scratches the carpet because he knows it pisses us off, in addition to the jealousy issue.

What we're afraid of is that he's going to get worse and eventually attack our son. If he did that, we'd have no choice but to put him to sleep for the safety of our son. At this point, I just want to try to settle things down somehow so we can have peace and harmony again.

Putting the cat to sleep is the last resort. I don't know if there's anything like cat tranquilizers or something that we can give him to calm him down a little. He's too old and set in his ways for us to really modify his behavior, either. To say nothing of the fact that he's ornery as all hell to begin with. This wasn't really an issue until recently, either.

Any useful suggestions would be very helpful. Fausto, your vet tech experience any help here? ;)

UPDATE: After much discussion, we've decided that the best option is to get him declawed. Yes, we understand what declawing entails and we're NOT thrilled about this idea but it's a hell of a lot better than having him put to sleep. At least if he's declawed, we don't have to worry about him hurting us, the baby or the other cats. We just want to keep him around above all, and hopefully his quality of life won't be degraded by the declawing, but we'll see how it goes.

The vet we've taken our cats to has said that there are medications available, but none of them are 100% effective and might even make him worse mentally, so that's off the list.
 

sixone

Lifer
May 3, 2004
25,030
5
61
Sounds like he's stressed out. He hasn't actually hurt the younger cat - how does she respond?
 

jinduy

Diamond Member
Jan 24, 2002
4,781
1
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one thing i disagree with is killing your cat as the last resort... i'd rather put him in the pound where he has a chance of getting adopted.
 

thomsbrain

Lifer
Dec 4, 2001
18,148
1
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it sounds to me like you've exhasted your options. you may need to try to find another home for this kitty. if you have any friends who would take him in, he might prefer life as an only-cat. he will be extremely upset by the move at first but at least you wouldn't have to put him to sleep. if you can't find a friend, maybe you can take him to a no-kill shelter.

i'm inclined to advise you to try to do this now. it sounds to me like he is already a menace to the other cats, and i think your concern for your son's safety is valid. if he attacks your son, you won't wait to find him another home. it's gonna be straight to the vet for the injection. if you look now, at least Mr. Psycho gets a chance to live.
 

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,586
985
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I guess just try paying attention to the cats a bit. It is always stressful for a pet when a new one is brought into the family. Especially a child because you spend so much time caring for the baby the pets become more of an afterthought. They will adjust though. Most of them do. Just give it some time and try to be patient with the cat.

I just lost a cat we had for 12 years. We got her when she was a kitten and she was an only cat for many years. We tried bringing other cats into the family and she warmed up to one of them but then he died of liver failure after a year. Then we got a dog...she never really warmed up to the dog though. They sort of tolerated each other. She never had a problem when our son came along though.

Good luck.
 
Jan 18, 2001
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Originally posted by: jinduy
one thing i disagree with is killing your cat as the last resort... i'd rather put him in the pound where he has a chance of getting adopted.

i disagree. 9 yr old cat with behavior problems isn't going to get adopted. better to say goodbye and put him down while you can be with him.


back on track though, what have you tried besides the squirt bottle?

find a reward he likes and you can shape his behavior. focus on shaping his behavior through positive reinforcement.


I dont' really buy it when vets diagnose cats with human psychological problems....they're too different iMo.

 

Pacfanweb

Lifer
Jan 2, 2000
13,158
59
91
You could at least wait until the cat actually shows some aggression toward the child first. Don't just assume it will just because it's getting pissy with the other cats.

I have 5 cats, have been as high as 7 cats. They have almost all gone through a stage where one would not particularly like the others for awhile.
They are like little women, they will get over it.
When we had our daughter, we simply made sure to not let any of the cats near her much until they really got used to her, and we felt like we could trust them.
That was fine until she started to walk and chase the cats. She got smacked several times by 2 of them, and as a result pretty much won't go near either of them now.
She's 2 now, and 2 of the other cats sleep with her all the time....but the 2 that pawed her a few times she still gives a wide berth to.

No reason to kill your cat at all. Just deal with it accordingly.
 

grrl

Diamond Member
Jun 21, 2001
6,204
1
0
I'd say try to give him away to someone who has no other cat.
 

MazerRackham

Diamond Member
Apr 4, 2002
6,572
0
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Has he been fixed? If not, would that help mellow him out even more?

If that's already been done, I would try and find him a place where he can be the #1 cat again (i.e. the only cat).

Do you feed them in separate areas and such? Maybe that would ease his tension as well? I have no real clue, just throwing things out there. Good luck! :)
 

Vic

Elite Member
Jun 12, 2001
50,422
14,337
136
Normal cat behavior. Just like people, some of them are just jerks. Try giving the cat more love and affection, as it seems to be very jealous.
 

Encryptic

Diamond Member
May 21, 2003
8,885
0
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Thanks, guys.

A. He's not adoptable, beyond the shadow of a doubt. He's way too old and ornery for that to be an option, not that we want to give him away in the first place.

B. Putting him to sleep is absolutely the last resort and would only happen if we absolutely had no choice. I don't want to do that and neither does my wife, so this isn't going to be a case where we put him to sleep because he's become slightly inconvenient, like some people would. I'm more than willing to live and work with him because I really love the cat, despite his bad qualities. He can be a very sweet friendly cat when he's in a good mood. I could tell countless funny stories about the stuff he does to be playful, for one thing.

C. We don't expect him to attack the baby right off the bat. He's been pretty nonchalant about the baby so far, but he's ripped up my wife and I several times so it's not out of the realm of possiblity for him to seriously hurt the baby if he was provoked or jealous. The other two cats are very friendly and sweet so I'm not at all worried about them hurting the baby or doing more than a slap with a paw. We don't ever leave the baby alone with the cats, but I'm worried about when the kid starts walking and naturally will want to chase the cats and pet them. The cat in question has already earned his reputation as "the mean kitty" with my wife's nephew and our apartment maintenance people as it is, which is why I'm a little worried about the kid situation. He's capable of seriously injuring someone if he wanted to.

D. I try to give him attention as much as the other cats, but he simply is the king of jealousy. The problem seem to stem from the fact that I'm at work all week AND the youngest cat is so attached to me, so he gets possessive of me and wants me all to himself. He knows that my wife has always been there for him, but I'm still "relatively new" to him so he thinks I'm his property. Cats are so damned territorial sometimes...

The bottom line is: We do not want to put him to sleep and he's not adoptable. We just want to keep him around for the rest of his natural lifespan and preferably have our house be a happy one. We're willing to deal with his quirks as we've been doing if we could just get him to settle down and stop causing trouble every single day. As I said before, things were really good for a while until recently.

::sigh::


Edit: He's been fixed since he was a kitten, so that wouldn't be an option either.
 

miri

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2003
3,679
0
76
Get him declawed. It might not be the best option but its better than putting him to sleep. Only need to declaw the front ones.