Can't stand this hell I feel - UPDATED

[Jumpem]

My cousin's been on/off dating this girl for about six months. Me and her are friends and usually do stuff together. Letely, since my cousin went away to school he's been doing stuff with other girls. That really upset me because he's leading on the girl that he is supposed to care about. To get to the point, I knew the password to his hotmail account, and saw a letter some girl wrote him about them doing it and making out. That was a couple of weeks ago. Last night me and some friends were at this girls house just watching tv and sitting around. Anyway, the conversation headed toward flirting and secrets. I mentioned that I knew something, and she asked me what it was. I told her that I couldn't tell her other than that I thought he might be doing things at school. Earlier today on AIM she kept asking me what the e-mail I had seen said. So after saying I shouldn't a bunch of times I did. She was really mad at my cousin and called him and got in a fight. Then my cousin called one of our other friends and it got out that I'd given his "kind of" girlfriend the e-mail. Now he is really pissed at me, we've been cousins and friends forever. He doesn't want me to talk to him, call him, or stop by his house. I know there's no good excuse for what I did, but I was sick of seeing my friend being led on and deceived by him. I'm really confused/depressed/sad/angry right now. If any of you have any good ideas on how to fix this big hole I dug for myself I would appreciate it.

This is pretty much how I'm feeling right now:
Metallica - Fade To Black
Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filing me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now He's gone
No one but me can save myself, but it to late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

 

[Bryan]

Blood is thicker than those *ahem* other bodily fluids. You should have talked to your cousin first and let him know what you thought of his actions. Time to give Springer a call.

 

[blurredvision]

Well, I don't know how to fix it, but you done the right thing. I guess time will heal all, and if there is anytime you can have a sane conversation with him, explain to him how it was wrong to cheat on her, and explain your side.

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

Aw Jumpem, you did a bad thing. It's one thing to not like what he was doing, but that was an issue you should've taken up with him, not his girlfriend, even if she was your friend. What he might have been doing was wrong, but you really shouldn't have stuck your nose in it so deeply.

Really, the only thing you can do now is apologize and let it be for a while. If he knows you're sorry, then all you need to do is give him time to cool off and forgive you. I don't know how old you are or what your family's like, but maybe you could put in a good word with your aunt or uncle (his parents), just letting them know you did something dumb, he's mad at you, and you're really sorry.

 

[DesignDawg]

Words of wisdom by C's girl. I should say, though, that this is why passwords are supposed to be kept secret. This wouldn't have happened if you had not been readinbg his email. THings still would be mesed up, because he has been an asshole in all of this, but things between you and him would not have gone sour. Things that are private should always remain that way. Believe me, she would have found out eventually anyway. Hope this all clears up for you.

Ricky
DesignDawg

 

[sweetrobin]

Well you know what ... if your friend meant that much to you to hell her the truth to keep her from being more hurt .. you did the right thing . I hate that your cousin is mad at you ... but he will either get over it ... or you will just have to get over wanting to be friends with him . Life aint always easy .. But you have proved that you are a caring decent individual. Just make sure you dont end up dating this girl or your cousin is gonna think you did it to get to her. And even though he was the wrong one in this whole thing... you will come out the loser.

 

[bigvince]

a quick piece of advice before i leave work.....stay out of others peoples buissness, i cant say that enough! firstly that guys an idiot for letting anybody know his eamil pass secondly it was an invasion of privacy for you to go looking through some one elses email...im sure you didnt just stumble upon it, the only reason you could have to look in his email is to dig up some dirt which you did. so that being said you have no one but your self to blame for the way you feel because if you hadnt said anything than none of that would have happend and you would be feeling just rosy now. i think you want to be with girl and just wont say anything to her so stop f'uckin up some bodyelses game grow some balls and ask her your self....

 

[Azraele]

I don't know how to fix it other than what someone else said, time will heal. What I can tell you is that though you may have been wrong in not talking to him about it first, he was wrong first in what he did. No matter how mad he is at you, his behavior was downright dispicable (sp?), and had it not been for you, it would have been allowed to continue.

 

[Passions]

your one fuked up guy to go through and read someone's email.

 

[The Stigenator]

I have my gf's email and passwords but I dont use them. The past 6 months I have been checking them for her but I havnt read any. Nor deleted any non essential emails. I log in and out and download emails.

But I do agree you should have talked to you cousin first and then told his gf. For what he did was wrong.

 

[Looney]

Like some have mentioned, what right do you have in their business? Shouldn't have ratted out your cousin for some pussy, which is what i bet you were trying to get from that girl. Blood is thicker than water? And your cousin will get over? You're the one that betrayed him for a girl.

And what the hell are you doing reading other people's email?

 

[Cybordolphin]

The truth is a two edged sword my friend.

I would have done worse to you.

You blew it. I personally cannot stand a person that that would do what you did. You did not "help" anybody. In fact you may have hurt many. You need to learn self control. By the way... if you liked the girl you rat'd to... this is no way to win her. You might get laid by her.... in her attempts to punish her boyfriend. But she will never respect you.

I am just curious... what compelled you to do this? Be honest. And don't tell me it was because you "CARED" about the girl you told.

Did you just want to get laid? Think about it for a long time. Look yourself in the mirror and BE HONEST!

I don't want to hear about how horrible the guy was..... that's besides the point.

What you did was wrong. You should feel horrible.... and enough so that you would never do that again.... ever.

With a friend like you.... who the hell would need enemies.

JMO

 

[Sacotool]

Going through his email was definitely not cool

 

[Jumpem]

I would've replied to you guys sooner, but i was at a friends house taliking to some people and trying to figure out how to fill in this ditch I created. I'm sorry if this is kind of long and rambles, but I didn't sleep much last night.

For all the people that said I'm an ***hole for doing this, you're right. There's no good excuse for what I did so I'm not even going to try and find one. I feel really bad, and rightfully so. Maybe, I'll try calling my cousin later today, and say that I know that I acted like a piece of sh*t, I'm truly sorry, and I will definately never do anything that stupid again. Cybordolphin, my reasons for doing what I did; that's a good question. Part of it was that she needed to know the truth(honestly), but then another part of it was that I wanted her to tell him to get lost. I've been hanging out with her once or twice a week watching tv or going to dinner. I never used to care about what went on between them. But, lately I have started to realize how special she is to me(that is why I'm screwed). I thought that she deserved better than being deceived all the time. I know this wasn't really my place to be, but it just got under my skin and I couldn't get rid of the urge to tell her what was going on. I know I should've never even seen that message, and now wish that I didn't. I guess it's something that I'll live with for a while. Honestly, my intentions were not to get laid. I'd rather get to know someone really well first. Chrichtonsgirl, I'm twenty-two, since you wanted to know. Sweetrobin, your point is what makes this whole mess even more complicated. Some of my reasoning was simply to be caring and not wanting her to be hurt or lied to anymore. But another more selfish part of it was that I wanted to go places and hang out with her more often. I'm going to apologize to my cousin for going through his mail(damn, I don't know what I was thinking). But, I don't know if I should tell him my reasons behind it? As for my friend, I don't if she's mad at me or not for this whole thing. Granted, she kept asking me what I knew, but I think she is mad at me now also. i talked to her for a couple of minutes last night. I asked her if she was mad at me, and it took her literally like ten or fifteen seconds to say "no". So I'm not sure if she really isn't mad, or if she just said it. Could some of the ladies please let me know what they think? Also, should I tell her what my motivations were for doing this, or just keep them buried inside? For the people that said I did the right thing by telling her, thank you. I think what I told her was the right thing, just how I went about it was definately not the right way. My head is so messed up right now. I've had her name, and her face, and voice interrupting my thoughts constanly for weeks. I guess the reason I did it was that I wanted to be around her more, but didn't know how to say it. I have so many things that I want to say but don't know how.

 

[Jumpem]

I went to dinner to with my cousin and a couple friends tonight. We talked a little and got along ok. He didn't say he was still mad, but I could tell that he was. He has reason to be, but I think it'll get better. My friend that is "dating"/"only friends" with him hasn't talked to me since this whole thing. She asked me a million times what I knew, but I think telling her made her very mad at me. She was thankful at first that I let her know what was going on. But then she talked to my cousin and I don't know what the h*ll is going on. She was really mad at him when she leared that he was doing stuff with other girls. But tonight she's off doing stuff with him again. If any ladies read this could you please attempt to explain to me why a girl could be raging mad one minute, and then pretend nothing ever happened the next? There's this big empty feeling inside of me at the moment. I think that I'll try going over to her house, and talking to her tomorrow. Hopefully, it will help, but I don't know. I feel really bad for a million reasons, and yes I know that I deserve it. It really creates problems when you become attracted and start to genuinely care about someone that is going out with one of your friends/relatives. Maybe, it will pass with time.

 

[Jumpem]

^

 

[Yeeny]

Well, she could be mad for several reasons. One could be she talked to your cousin, and he convinced her your a liar. Or she could be upset not so much with you, but because you were the bearer of bad tidings. Sometimes people cut others out of their lives who they feel has brought them down. But without knowing these people, I cannot really say for sure what the reason is, these are only guesses.

 

[Bryan]

She most likely forgave him for what he did, and is probably angry at you for driving a wedge between her and her man. I forsee them teaming up and making you the bad guy out of all this. I'm sorry to say, as long as they're together, things will never be as good as they were before between you and them. You'll never, ever have a shot with her either, because she knows that you are two faced. Nothing personal, that's just how I see it.

 

[cxim]

jumpem,

you were stupid to start with & are gettin worse by the minute.

<> What YOU did was stupid to start with &amp; is gettin worse by the minute <>

Leave it alone

 

[Jumpem]

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. I guess I'll just let things settle down for a while. And Cxim, trust me, I know I'm an ***hole. I'm usually not like that at all. Oh well, as they say sh*t happens. I'll have to work hard to pave over all of this. I will definately never do anything even remotely like that again. This feeling of guilt and emptiness really sucks. From now on I will try to be an honest and trustworthy friend(which I had always been before this, aside from a few very minor things). Thanks again guys(and girls). For those that think I'm a terrible person, and everyone else too, please forgive me.

 

[Passions]

Yeah I pretty much have to say, your fuked! She is with him now and they are probably making all sorts of fun of you. You will probably never regain her full friendship again. Oh well, just try to get over it and move on. Theres nothing you can do but learn from it and try to become a better man.

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

I wouldn't worry about it much, if that's possible. What you did wasn't too great, but on the other hand, I think in this case the girl you tried to &quot;rescue&quot; actually liked to pretend everything was OK, and her glimpse of reality put a dent in her fantasy for a day or so. Sometimes the victim likes to be a victim, and you can't do a thing to help them out.