can't believe I'm discussing this

[compuwiz1]

The problem with the younger gen these days is nobody seems to understand the value of a commitment. Spouses have become disposable.

<--------married 30 years. Has it been perfect? Hell no? Were there times when we felt we wanted to split? Yes. Would I marry her again, knowing what I know now? Yes!

 

[jinduy]

keep this in mind: divorce is expensive because it's worth it

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: compuwiz1
The problem with the younger gen these days is nobody seems to understand the value of a commitment. Spouses have become disposable.

<--------married 30 years. Has it been perfect? Hell no? Were there times when we felt we wanted to split? Yes. Would I marry her again, knowing what I know now? Yes!

Yeah, no older people are part of the 50% divorce rate, right?

I guess generalizing helps some people feel superior.

I'm 26, been married 4.5, one child, marriage going great, been together 8.

 

[Greenman]

Originally posted by: Agentbolt

Originally posted by: Greenman
There certainly is a lot of expert advice here on how to escalate a bad situation.

Yeah, because demanding a 20,000 buyout for a 4 year marriage was a perfectly civil, reasonable thing to do. :roll:

This thing became un-civil the moment that happened. She is looking for a payday that she doesn't deserve. Although getting a lawyer, canceling credit cards, etc... may not be as good and pure and selfless as people behave in your fantasy world, this guy needs to protect himself, and that doesn't go hand-in-hand with making this as easy as possible for her.

Again, great way to escalate the situation. Why not try a simple conversation first? Leave the emotion at the door, sit down with the pending ex and simply discuss what you each think would be a fair division of property and any monetary considerations. Don't get angry, don't decide right out front "I'm going to get that bitch". Listen to her, try and understand what she wants and why. The very worst thing that can happen is you waste a couple hours. At best you could save yourself thousands of dollars. Once the lawyers get involved the only people that are certain to win big are the lawyers.

 

[jinduy]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: compuwiz1
The problem with the younger gen these days is nobody seems to understand the value of a commitment. Spouses have become disposable.

<--------married 30 years. Has it been perfect? Hell no? Were there times when we felt we wanted to split? Yes. Would I marry her again, knowing what I know now? Yes!

Yeah, no older people are part of the 50% divorce rate, right?

I guess generalizing helps some people feel superior.

I'm 26, been married 4.5, one child, marriage going great, been together 8.

he does have a point based on this chart (if it's legit)

http://www.bsos.umd.edu/socy/v...41/trends/divorce.html

 

[compuwiz1]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: compuwiz1
The problem with the younger gen these days is nobody seems to understand the value of a commitment. Spouses have become disposable.

<--------married 30 years. Has it been perfect? Hell no? Were there times when we felt we wanted to split? Yes. Would I marry her again, knowing what I know now? Yes!

Yeah, no older people are part of the 50% divorce rate, right?

I guess generalizing helps some people feel superior.

I'm 26, been married 4.5, one child, marriage going great, been together 8.

What I'm feeling is that some people are too fast these days to diss their entire marriage over a few bad days or some rocky times, when maybe they could have worked thru their differences. I've been thru this with both of my kids. They got married but still wanted to act like kids, going out clubbing, hanging with their single friends and hooking up, even though they were married. If commitments meant anything, people wouldn't want to be out boning other people. It's more with this generation than it was in mine. That's not generalization, it's a fact. :shocked:

 

[MotF Bane]

Originally posted by: Greenman

Originally posted by: Agentbolt

Originally posted by: Greenman
There certainly is a lot of expert advice here on how to escalate a bad situation.

Yeah, because demanding a 20,000 buyout for a 4 year marriage was a perfectly civil, reasonable thing to do. :roll:

This thing became un-civil the moment that happened. She is looking for a payday that she doesn't deserve. Although getting a lawyer, canceling credit cards, etc... may not be as good and pure and selfless as people behave in your fantasy world, this guy needs to protect himself, and that doesn't go hand-in-hand with making this as easy as possible for her.

Again, great way to escalate the situation. Why not try a simple conversation first? Leave the emotion at the door, sit down with the pending ex and simply discuss what you each think would be a fair division of property and any monetary considerations. Don't get angry, don't decide right out front "I'm going to get that bitch". Listen to her, try and understand what she wants and why. The very worst thing that can happen is you waste a couple hours. At best you could save yourself thousands of dollars. Once the lawyers get involved the only people that are certain to win big are the lawyers.

No, you get a lawyer, because the chances are high that she has already grabbed one. Stop promoting that he bend over and take it, because that's all you are essentially doing.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: DVad3r
You guys should both sit down and watch the movie "Fireproof".

If you still aren't married after that, she is doing you a favor by breaking away now then later. At least now you will have time to find the woman that's right for you.

That's why when I get married, everything will be in my mothers name (car, house, etc). Divorce time rolls around, it's GTFO to the curb peon!

Actually not a bad idea. That movie echos what I've had from other sources, too, somewhat in spirit and partly in content. A lot of people do not approach marriage as something that require learning and work. It may very well be that the OP should be divorced, I'm not sure, but that movie is at least worth a rental and an open mind.

Probably? You don't know?

Yeah, very strange.

Anyway, the above are right, lock those credit cards up fvcking tight. If you think there's any chance of her opening new ones in your name I would regularly check your credit, too, make sure she doesn't leave you paying some garbage.

 

[AlienCraft]

Originally posted by: trmiv
1) Get a lawyer. 2)If you own a house, don't move out. 3)Get a lawyer. 4)Don't believe anything she says from this point on. 5)Get a lawyer.

The only thinkg I would add is to get a lawyer.

 

[Lonyo]

Originally posted by: jinduy

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: compuwiz1
The problem with the younger gen these days is nobody seems to understand the value of a commitment. Spouses have become disposable.

<--------married 30 years. Has it been perfect? Hell no? Were there times when we felt we wanted to split? Yes. Would I marry her again, knowing what I know now? Yes!

Yeah, no older people are part of the 50% divorce rate, right?

I guess generalizing helps some people feel superior.

I'm 26, been married 4.5, one child, marriage going great, been together 8.

he does have a point based on this chart (if it's legit)

http://www.bsos.umd.edu/socy/v...41/trends/divorce.html

Only if that shows divorces per woman married in the given year, and not the total divorces in the year. Those people who married in the 50's to 70's could have all started getting divorced since then, and hardly anyone married from 1975~2000 is getting divorced.

 

[Agentbolt]

Originally posted by: Greenman

Originally posted by: Agentbolt

Originally posted by: Greenman
There certainly is a lot of expert advice here on how to escalate a bad situation.

Yeah, because demanding a 20,000 buyout for a 4 year marriage was a perfectly civil, reasonable thing to do. :roll:

This thing became un-civil the moment that happened. She is looking for a payday that she doesn't deserve. Although getting a lawyer, canceling credit cards, etc... may not be as good and pure and selfless as people behave in your fantasy world, this guy needs to protect himself, and that doesn't go hand-in-hand with making this as easy as possible for her.

Again, great way to escalate the situation. Why not try a simple conversation first? Leave the emotion at the door, sit down with the pending ex and simply discuss what you each think would be a fair division of property and any monetary considerations. Don't get angry, don't decide right out front "I'm going to get that bitch". Listen to her, try and understand what she wants and why. The very worst thing that can happen is you waste a couple hours. At best you could save yourself thousands of dollars. Once the lawyers get involved the only people that are certain to win big are the lawyers.

You are being ridiculous or just willfully stupid. She already flashed red, and your response is "Oh well maybe she was just upset, maybe you two can sit down and just talk it out." If she already has a lawyer then the OP is behind her in his preparations and WILL get screwed over by it.

I don't know what happy go lucky rainbows-shooting-out-everyone's-asshole fantasy world you live in, but the time for a nice sit down chat resolving all of this has past. She's already shown she's trying to wring as much money out of the OP as possible, and you're seriously going to sit there and tell him to have a civil conversation with her?

Sure, it's theoretically possible she'll have calmed down and be willing to work out a completely fair split (and then of course stick to it while the divorce is finalized) but what's far far far FAR more likely is that she's going to take a cue from the vast majority of other women in divorces and try to take him to the cleaners.

It would be absolutely retarded to take your advice and attempt to continue on the high road while the wife has already begun preparations to eviscerate the OP.

 

[T9D]

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