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Can I have a mature discussion about difference in opinion?

B

Blazin Trav

Banned
Basically my mom is a pastor now and swearing, premartial sex, etc etc is NOT OKAY. Problem is my beliefs are completely opposite and I'm more of an independent in my political beliefs. I can see both sides of the road so to speak and I don't force environmentalism or beliefs on others. It is annoying to me when people force their beliefs on others and take issue with others that don't follow the same beliefs that they do.

So I am getting pretty annoyed because apparently I am not allowed to drive to my job, but it is only acceptable to take the ferry and bike to work. It's not really a big deal but slightly annoying when combined with 2x daily lectures on how to lead my life when I know I will lead it however the ****** I want.

Meaning, while I respect my parents, I wish for them to respect my beliefs as well. I would like to be able to do things that are not culturally acceptable to my parents, but I would find culturally acceptable and normal.

P.S. I don't need stuff like the other threads that say things like: GTFO the house dumbass! etc etc.
Thanks.

Video to illustrate culture war on abstence, for example: http://throwawayyourtv.com/2006/06/abstinence-is-bullshit.html

Cliffs:
1) Mom is hardcore environmentalist and christian
2) I am not
3) I wish my beliefs to be respected
 
I suppose I'm like most of the "kids" these days and realize that being dependent is the easy way out since I don't have to work about working so much and can focus on school and being ready to work the rest of my life for bills and this thing called money which is a fleeting object.

I suppose what I'm asking is how do I break it to her that I don't really believe in all of her beliefs, at least not all of it?

Originally posted by: loki8481
take the path of least resistance and suck it up until you're not dependant on her?
Click to expand...

Either that's what you did or you moved out asap... or you didn't have the same issues...?
 
I fail to see the problem here. She doesn't like swearing and premarital sex, just like most parents. Most kids do those things anyway behind thier parent's back. How is this any different?
 
Bottom line is that if you live in their house, you basically have no rights or options. I mean, you can try talking till you're blue in the face, but in my experience it never helps. I agree that people shouldn't put their beliefs on others, and I know it sucks, but you really can't expect sympathy if you're in their home. Move out and do what you want. Or stay there and deal with it. *shrug*
 
Originally posted by: JToxic
I fail to see the problem here. She doesn't like swearing and premarital sex, just like most parents. Most kids do those things anyway behind thier parent's back. How is this any different?
Click to expand...

Imagine having the pope as your father... any clearer now?

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands
Bottom line is that if you live in their house, you basically have no rights or options. I mean, you can try talking till you're blue in the face, but in my experience it never helps. I agree that people shouldn't put their beliefs on others, and I know it sucks, but you really can't expect sympathy if you're in their home. Move out and do what you want. Or stay there and deal with it. *shrug*
Click to expand...

Gotcha. I figured this would be how the thread would be.

Can anyone offer real solutions or insight on how to tell someone that YOUR OWN POLITICAL beliefs are different from someone else's? (parent's)
 
Originally posted by: Blazin Trav
Originally posted by: JToxic
I fail to see the problem here. She doesn't like swearing and premarital sex, just like most parents. Most kids do those things anyway behind thier parent's back. How is this any different?
Click to expand...

Imagine having the pope as your father... any clearer now?

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands
Bottom line is that if you live in their house, you basically have no rights or options. I mean, you can try talking till you're blue in the face, but in my experience it never helps. I agree that people shouldn't put their beliefs on others, and I know it sucks, but you really can't expect sympathy if you're in their home. Move out and do what you want. Or stay there and deal with it. *shrug*
Click to expand...

Gotcha. I figured this would be how the thread would be.

Can anyone offer real solutions or insight on how to tell someone that YOUR OWN POLITICAL beliefs are different from someone else's? (parent's)
Click to expand...


You're being told to move out if you don't like because that IS the answer. If you are living under someone else's roof and they are supporting you, then your own political beliefs take second place to theirs. That's the way it is. When you have your own place and someone else wants to stay with you, it'll be more clear.
 
Doesn't seem like your mom is going to ever accept your political/personal beliefs ever, regardless of what you do to try to do. (its pretty hard to sway the hardcore anythings, I know, I've got crazy chinese parents)

You might wanna try just sitting her down with you and talking to her, though I'm pretty sure that'll just turn into another lecture for you.
 
Originally posted by: Blazin Trav
Originally posted by: JToxic
I fail to see the problem here. She doesn't like swearing and premarital sex, just like most parents. Most kids do those things anyway behind thier parent's back. How is this any different?
Click to expand...

Imagine having the pope as your father... any clearer now?

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands
Bottom line is that if you live in their house, you basically have no rights or options. I mean, you can try talking till you're blue in the face, but in my experience it never helps. I agree that people shouldn't put their beliefs on others, and I know it sucks, but you really can't expect sympathy if you're in their home. Move out and do what you want. Or stay there and deal with it. *shrug*
Click to expand...

Gotcha. I figured this would be how the thread would be.

Can anyone offer real solutions or insight on how to tell someone that YOUR OWN POLITICAL beliefs are different from someone else's? (parent's)
Click to expand...

There's no such thing as magic formulas in life. There's no such thing as 'right answers'. There's only truth, taking responsibility, and doing the best that you can.

You can't control how anyone is going to react to the things you say. If you study the person, and psychology, and debate (ie logic and reason), then you'll be better prepared for the conversation, but that's still only bits and pieces of it. In the end, you get to tell them that you have differences of opinion, that you have reasons for it, that you believe you have the right to them, and that you'd like to get along despite them. That's it. That's the whole conversation boiled down to one sentence.

Since you're living in their house however, your mom can say, "that's nice dear now do what we say or move out." And she'll be 100% entitled to do that. I hope she doesn't of course, but if she does you're not being wronged and you need to make the same choice I first offered you. Move out or deal with it.
 
I choose to opt out of this conversation now because I don't have an arugement.

I'm in college, no need for me to pay for rent for a 1 more month. I'll "suck it up" as you say. The trick is making my parents believe I am prodigy child of their dreams.
 
umm, i'd reccomend that you stand up for yourself. do you expect to hide your opinions from them for the rest of your life? how about when you get married? if you have any children, do you expect them to be as submissive? or maybe will there be a boiling point where things will go out of control?

personally, i would talk with them. the good kind of talk. you know, validate a few of their points, bring up a few of your points, and end the discussion complimenting them (you've raised me well, but if i wasn't to say anything how would that have reflected on your abilities, etc). i think the key here is to be respectful. a lack of communication is harmful in any relationship.
 
Originally posted by: SportSC4
umm, i'd reccomend that you stand up for yourself. do you expect to hide your opinions from them for the rest of your life? how about when you get married? if you have any children, do you expect them to be as submissive? or maybe will there be a boiling point where things will go out of control?

personally, i would talk with them. the good kind of talk. you know, validate a few of their points, bring up a few of your points, and end the discussion complimenting them (you've raised me well, but if i wasn't to say anything how would that have reflected on your abilities, etc). i think the key here is to be respectful. a lack of communication is harmful in any relationship.
Click to expand...

10-4. It's only a few things though. So maybe 1-2 beliefs out of 50 that I don't agree with.
 
I don't see what you're problem is. why do you have to voice your beliefs at all. If you want to drive to work, drive. If you want to have sex, do it. And when your mom confronts you with it, deal with it. I guess you wouldn't have to ask about how to bring something up if it's brought to you.
 
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