- Sep 29, 2000
- 70,150
- 5
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EDIT: In my opinion the best use of sarcasm is when it's so subtle that it's difficult for the recipient to even tell if you're pulling their leg. Well in this case I didn't lay it on thick enough 
To answer maladroit's question it's a parody of people who come on here asking for help to do something that requires hours and they pay them some half-assed amount! What I listed below would take a number of days I guess the rolling eyes at the bottom wasn't a big enough hint
----
I am starting up a small business that sells very high quality headphones (for audiophiles). I have a webpage that I've made, but I need somebody to code a portion of it for me that does this:
1) Tracks all page clicks on the site by visitor so that I can tell how many times they visit the site or various pages on one visit, and I'd also like it broken down demographically if you could.
2) Has a survey page where people can answer the survey and enter a draw to win a free pair of Klipsche AVX 900 headphones.
3) Has a mass mailer, that will mail out to my clients on a bi-weekly basis the newsletter that I'm making.
4) I also want the survey to take people's responses and match it up to recommendations for headphones that they would like to buy.
5) I need some data entry done. I have descriptions for about 300 headphones from a catalogue and each one has about a page, but you'd need to type all that in as well.
6) Lastly I need an admin section that has a way so that I can just type in text and the pages will be made. I don't know how to HTML, but I can type (!) and this would allow me to have new pages made when I want them.
I can't pay that much, but I have $44.17 sitting in my papal account that I will send to the first person to get this done. Thanks, guys!!
To answer maladroit's question it's a parody of people who come on here asking for help to do something that requires hours and they pay them some half-assed amount! What I listed below would take a number of days I guess the rolling eyes at the bottom wasn't a big enough hint ----
I am starting up a small business that sells very high quality headphones (for audiophiles). I have a webpage that I've made, but I need somebody to code a portion of it for me that does this:
1) Tracks all page clicks on the site by visitor so that I can tell how many times they visit the site or various pages on one visit, and I'd also like it broken down demographically if you could.
2) Has a survey page where people can answer the survey and enter a draw to win a free pair of Klipsche AVX 900 headphones.
3) Has a mass mailer, that will mail out to my clients on a bi-weekly basis the newsletter that I'm making.
4) I also want the survey to take people's responses and match it up to recommendations for headphones that they would like to buy.
5) I need some data entry done. I have descriptions for about 300 headphones from a catalogue and each one has about a page, but you'd need to type all that in as well.
6) Lastly I need an admin section that has a way so that I can just type in text and the pages will be made. I don't know how to HTML, but I can type (!) and this would allow me to have new pages made when I want them.
I can't pay that much, but I have $44.17 sitting in my papal account that I will send to the first person to get this done. Thanks, guys!!
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