Can anyone here make this program for me? WILL PAY! EDIT: THis thread is a failure!!!

StageLeft

No Lifer
Sep 29, 2000
70,150
5
0
EDIT: In my opinion the best use of sarcasm is when it's so subtle that it's difficult for the recipient to even tell if you're pulling their leg. Well in this case I didn't lay it on thick enough :( To answer maladroit's question it's a parody of people who come on here asking for help to do something that requires hours and they pay them some half-assed amount! What I listed below would take a number of days :) I guess the rolling eyes at the bottom wasn't a big enough hint :eek:

----

I am starting up a small business that sells very high quality headphones (for audiophiles). I have a webpage that I've made, but I need somebody to code a portion of it for me that does this:

1) Tracks all page clicks on the site by visitor so that I can tell how many times they visit the site or various pages on one visit, and I'd also like it broken down demographically if you could.

2) Has a survey page where people can answer the survey and enter a draw to win a free pair of Klipsche AVX 900 headphones.

3) Has a mass mailer, that will mail out to my clients on a bi-weekly basis the newsletter that I'm making.

4) I also want the survey to take people's responses and match it up to recommendations for headphones that they would like to buy.

5) I need some data entry done. I have descriptions for about 300 headphones from a catalogue and each one has about a page, but you'd need to type all that in as well.

6) Lastly I need an admin section that has a way so that I can just type in text and the pages will be made. I don't know how to HTML, but I can type (!) and this would allow me to have new pages made when I want them.

I can't pay that much, but I have $44.17 sitting in my papal account that I will send to the first person to get this done. Thanks, guys!!
rolleye.gif
 

Electric Amish

Elite Member
Oct 11, 1999
23,578
1
0
Notfred would LOVE to do that for you... ;)

You forgot the part about how it needs to be written in Cobol or Fortran. ;)

amish
 

GoodRevrnd

Diamond Member
Dec 27, 2001
6,803
581
126
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Notfred would LOVE to do that for you... ;)

You forgot the part about how it needs to be written in Cobol or Fortran. ;)

amish
I'll do it, but you supply the punch cards. ;)
 

notfred

Lifer
Feb 12, 2001
38,241
4
0
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Notfred would LOVE to do that for you... ;)

You forgot the part about how it needs to be written in Cobol or Fortran. ;)

amish

Maybe if he moved the decimal point to the right....
 

StageLeft

No Lifer
Sep 29, 2000
70,150
5
0
Originally posted by: Beau6183
I can do that for ya. Can you host ASP pages? I'd do it for the $40 + a pair of those AVX900's :D
Not sure - whatever geocities handles...
 

damiano

Platinum Member
May 29, 2002
2,322
1
0
Originally posted by: Skoorb

I have $44.17 sitting in my papal account

sorry
where are you located?
if you have a little more serious offer, i'd be glad to help...but it looks like a little too much work for 40 bucks!

 

RossMAN

Grand Nagus
Feb 24, 2000
78,794
266
116
That's $44.17 in USD not that Canadian funny money, right?

How about throwing in some of your Arby's gift certificates as well?

:p
 

damiano

Platinum Member
May 29, 2002
2,322
1
0
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Notfred would LOVE to do that for you... ;)

You forgot the part about how it needs to be written in Cobol or Fortran. ;)

amish

Maybe if he moved the decimal point to the right....

you bet (at least three times)

 

gopunk

Lifer
Jul 7, 2001
29,239
2
0
Originally posted by: Skoorb
Originally posted by: Beau6183
I can do that for ya. Can you host ASP pages? I'd do it for the $40 + a pair of those AVX900's :D
Not sure - whatever geocities handles...

i'm not sure that geoshitties handles any scripting.... if this is for a business, it might be worth the 70-100 bucks a year to get a halfway decent host. cedant has been excellent for me.
 

RossMAN

Grand Nagus
Feb 24, 2000
78,794
266
116
Skoorbie,

If you're serious about this venture you should at least get some real website hosting.

Since you have limited funds I would suggest obtaining website hosting from either Dixiesys.com ($20/yr current 2 for 1 sale ends TOMORROW) or Manlius.com ($4/mo you get A LOT for your money).

If you still need to register a domain name I would suggest using NameCheap.com
 

notfred

Lifer
Feb 12, 2001
38,241
4
0
Originally posted by: gopunk
Originally posted by: Skoorb
Originally posted by: Beau6183
I can do that for ya. Can you host ASP pages? I'd do it for the $40 + a pair of those AVX900's :D
Not sure - whatever geocities handles...

i'm not sure that geoshitties handles any scripting.... if this is for a business, it might be worth the 70-100 bucks a year to get a halfway decent host. cedant has been excellent for me.

You've been here long enough to recognize the Skoorb effect by now....
 

Beau

Lifer
Jun 25, 2001
17,731
0
76
www.beauscott.com
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: gopunk
Originally posted by: Skoorb
Originally posted by: Beau6183
I can do that for ya. Can you host ASP pages? I'd do it for the $40 + a pair of those AVX900's :D
Not sure - whatever geocities handles...

i'm not sure that geoshitties handles any scripting.... if this is for a business, it might be worth the 70-100 bucks a year to get a halfway decent host. cedant has been excellent for me.

You've been here long enough to recognize the Skoorb effect by now....

I didn't pick up on it. Obviously neither did Ross.
 

RossMAN

Grand Nagus
Feb 24, 2000
78,794
266
116
Originally posted by: Beau6183
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: gopunk
Originally posted by: Skoorb
Originally posted by: Beau6183
I can do that for ya. Can you host ASP pages? I'd do it for the $40 + a pair of those AVX900's :D
Not sure - whatever geocities handles...

i'm not sure that geoshitties handles any scripting.... if this is for a business, it might be worth the 70-100 bucks a year to get a halfway decent host. cedant has been excellent for me.

You've been here long enough to recognize the Skoorb effect by now....

I didn't pick up on it. Obviously neither did Ross.

I had a hunch that he was joking that's why I said "if you're serious" ...
 

SSP

Lifer
Oct 11, 1999
17,736
0
0
Originally posted by: GoodRevrnd
Could someone explain exactly what the skoorb effect is anyway?

Its when people don't read the whole thread but post anyway. Some times the discussion change, and some people look foolish when they reply to the original post.
 

gopunk

Lifer
Jul 7, 2001
29,239
2
0
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: gopunk
Originally posted by: Skoorb
Originally posted by: Beau6183
I can do that for ya. Can you host ASP pages? I'd do it for the $40 + a pair of those AVX900's :D
Not sure - whatever geocities handles...

i'm not sure that geoshitties handles any scripting.... if this is for a business, it might be worth the 70-100 bucks a year to get a halfway decent host. cedant has been excellent for me.

You've been here long enough to recognize the Skoorb effect by now....

:eek:

i caught it actually, but was too lazy to edit :p i don't think enough when i read these things to recognize them immediately though :eek:
 

waggy

No Lifer
Dec 14, 2000
68,145
10
81
Hey i know both cobol and fortran!

i will do it for the money and if you throw in MrsSkoorb for a wild night hot and steamy...



cooking! :D hmm good cooking..