Can anyone help me do a quick proofread on an essay?

[YayYay]

Hi, asking you guys for a big favor here. I need a personal statment for a UC school proofread. I have seeked help from friends and teachers and even the UC work shops but they couldn't find much wrong content wise and grammar wise. So now im trying to seek help in the masses. I always get grammar errors on my papers and I know there must be errors in my essay too. I know I can't write for crap (you will understand why after reading the essay), so I need some feedback on structure, grammar and all that stuff. I know im asking for a lot, thanks.

Essay

Link fixed now.

 

[Haircut]

You have a space on the end of the link there, so it won't work.

Fixed Link

 

[YayYay]

Originally posted by: Haircut
You have a space on the end of the link there, so it won't work.

Fixed Link

Thanks, so just rick click and save the above link.

 

[Lonyo]

graduation and I almost didn?t make it ---> graduation, but I almost didn?t make it (??)
senior year. Even worse, after --> senior year, even worse, after
life if I had dropped out --> life if I dropped out
and most importantly --> and more importantly
I had realized that my parents sent me to --> I realized that my parents had sent me to
just so I can have a better --> just so I could have a better
mother was at back in Taiwan --> mother was back in Taiwan
I had set goals --> I set goals
I had aimed for --> I aimed for
It was a few days later that I decided improving wasn?t good enough-I wanted all A?s --> A few days later I decided improving wasn?t good enough - I wanted all A?s
Second, I have an extremely hard time sitting in one place and concentrating for a given period of time. This makes it very hard to score at least 90 percent of the questions right on an exam because it requires reading material more than once
Second, I had an extremely hard time sitting in one place and concentrating for a given period of time. This made it very hard to do at least 90 percent of the questions right on an exam because it required reading material more than once
accumulated too many units. --> I'm from the UK, and I don't get this. Maybe it means something to Americans, or it might need altering a bit.
writing problems was to start reading --> writing problems were to start reading
I would read materials --> I read materials
and the resulting difference was significantly evident --> and the resulting difference was very evident
for the next hour, after that, I --> for the next hour after that, I
everyday business recalling what I read --> everyday business while recalling what I read


That's a few things I noticed and had "problems" with. People at school always have a go at me for correcting their spelling, grammar as they speak and such. I'm not perfect, and some of my ideas and styles aren't perfect. If anyone disagrees with what I've put I won't have a problem with it, just trying to help.
Nice to see you overcame problems, good luck in the future.

 

[YayYay]

Thanks for the help Lonyo. I didn't even realize all the small errors in the paper, glad you helped me find them. Units are basically credits you earn for each class. The units per class depends on the # of hours of class required.