Calling all grammar police.

[tyler811]

Are these words used in the correct context? Is the sentence formation correct? Yes I am trying to expand my vocabulary and write with a more descriptive manner.

Some background on the thought sorry. I am trying to describe the feeling of having my ten year old son growing up.

The full story


quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He turned 10 this year and the little boy that begged to ride on my shoulders now loathes at the hugs and kisses we yearn to give him while in public. Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy thoughts of what has passed. I find though I cannot contain my excitment about the coming days and years and what shall transpire with our grand little man.

 

[thirdlegstump]

Originally posted by: tyler811
Are these words used in the correct context? Is the sentence formation correct? Yes I am trying to expand my vocabulary and write with a more descriptive manner.

Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy thoughts of what has passed. I find though I cannot contain my excitment about the coming days and years and what shall transpire with our grand little man.

I think it sounds good. Very gay. Is that what you were going for?

 

[TecHNooB]

I find, though I cannot contain my excitement about the coming days andyears and what shall transpire with our grand little man, ???. Something should come after that.

 

[tfinch2]

Originally posted by: deathkoba

Originally posted by: tyler811
Are these words used in the correct context? Is the sentence formation correct? Yes I am trying to expand my vocabulary and write with a more descriptive manner.

Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy thoughts of what has passed. I find though I cannot contain my excitment about the coming days and years and what shall transpire with our grand little man.

I think it sounds good. Very gay. Is that what you were going for?

 

[chrisms]

Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy and thoughts of what has passed. I find, though, I cannot contain my excitment about the coming days and years; what shall transpire with our grand little man?

The grammar is kind of hard because the sentence makes little sense.

 

[Ika]

Originally posted by: chrisms
Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy and thoughts of what has passed. I find, though, that I cannot contain my excitement about the coming days and years; what shall transpire with our grand little man?

 

[Suspicious-Teach8788]

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: chrisms
Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy and thoughts of what has passed. I find, though, that I cannot contain my excitement about the coming days and years; what shall transpire with our grand little man?

Ahhh. I kept figuring something was wrong there, and didn't know what to insert. You got it.

 

[Rogodin2]

That was a runon sentence with a fragment tied to the end.

Rogo

 

[tyler811]

Some background on the thought sorry. I am trying to describe the feeling of having my ten year old son growing up.

The full story

He turned 10 this year and the little boy that begged to ride on my shoulders now loathes at the hugs and kisses we yearn to give him while in public. Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy thoughts of what has passed. I find though I cannot contain my excitment about the coming days and years and what shall transpire with our grand little man.

 

[Strk]

It sounds like you're trying too hard. You should use words that sound like you, not some poet you're trying to emulate.

 

[allisolm]

the little boy that begged to ride on my shoulders now loathes at the hugs and kisses we yearn to give him while in public.

Remove "at".

 

[tyler811]

Originally posted by: allisolm
the little boy that begged to ride on my shoulders now loathes at the hugs and kisses we yearn to give him while in public.

Remove "at".

Thank you Allisolm your right

What about the rest?

 

[tfinch2]

Originally posted by: tyler811

Originally posted by: allisolm
the little boy that begged to ride on my shoulders now loathes at the hugs and kisses we yearn to give him while in public.

Remove "at".

Thank you Allisolm you're right

What about the rest?

Since you called the grammar police, FIXED!

 

[tyler811]

Originally posted by: tfinch2

Originally posted by: tyler811

Originally posted by: allisolm
the little boy that begged to ride on my shoulders now loathes at the hugs and kisses we yearn to give him while in public.

Remove "at".

Thank you Allisolm you're right

What about the rest?

Since you called the grammar police, FIXED!

But what about the rest?

 

[spidey07]

It's perfectly fine. Perfect grammar.

To those throwing commas everywhere....just stop it already. Stop the commas as they are not needed.

 

[MisterJackson]

Originally posted by: deathkoba

Originally posted by: tyler811
Are these words used in the correct context? Is the sentence formation correct? Yes I am trying to expand my vocabulary and write with a more descriptive manner.

Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy thoughts of what has passed. I find though I cannot contain my excitment about the coming days and years and what shall transpire with our grand little man.

I think it sounds good. Very gay. Is that what you were going for?

I'd tell you to grow up, but I doubt it'd do much good.....

 

[Chaotic42]

I would change 10 to "ten".

 

[tyler811]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson

Originally posted by: deathkoba

Originally posted by: tyler811
Are these words used in the correct context? Is the sentence formation correct? Yes I am trying to expand my vocabulary and write with a more descriptive manner.

Thinking about the days that fade into the sunset brings about melancholy thoughts of what has passed. I find though I cannot contain my excitment about the coming days and years and what shall transpire with our grand little man.

I think it sounds good. Very gay. Is that what you were going for?

I'd tell you to grow up, but I doubt it'd do much good.....

Who?

 

[KrillBee]

pull up in the Crown Vic!

 

[sao123]

He turned ten this year, and the little boy that begged to ride on my shoulders now loathes the hugs and kisses we yearn to give him while in public. Thinking about the days as they fade into the sunset brings about melancholy thoughts of what has passed. And yet, I find that I cannot contain my excitment about the coming days and years and what shall transpire with our grand little man.