Best X-Files Quotes of All time

[XMan]

Hey, we've had a Simpsons thread. Why not the X-files.

Mulder: He just wants some dating advice.
Scully: From whom?
Mulder: Yours truly. [Long silence.] Hello? Scully?
Scully: Mulder, when was the last time you went on a date?
Mulder: I will talk to you later.
[hangs up]
Scully: The blind leading the blind.

Mulder: I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat was to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with someone else who is already naked.
Scully: Maybe if it starts raining sleeping bags, you might get lucky.

Scully: Have you ever had any dealings with a cow?
Mulder: Agent Scully, WHAT are you implying?

Morris: You guys are the Lone Gunmen aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean look at the crap you print.
Byers: We uncover the truth.
Morris: The truth? That's what's so great about you monkeys. Not only do you believe the horse pucky we create, you broadcast it as well. I mean look at this! [Headline reads: "Saddam testing mandroid army in Iraqi desert."] There is no Saddam Hussein. This guy's name is John Gillnitz, we found him doing dinner theatre in Tulsa. Did a mean "King and I." Plays good ethnics.
Langly: Are you trying to say that Saddam Hussein is a goverment plant?
Morris: I'm saying I invented the guy. We set him up in '79. He rattles his saber whenever we need a good distraction. Ah... if you boys only knew how many of your stories I dreamed up while on the pot.

Scully: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!
Mulder: I guess their parachutes didn't open.

Scully: I noticed you drop everything fast enough in order to help her out.
Mulder: I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.
Scully: Oh, is that what you were extending?

Scully: Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned...
Mulder: Ooh! If you were that stoned what?

Mulder: Will you let me drive!
Scully: I'm driving! Why do you always have to drive?! Because you're the guy? Because you're the big, macho man?
Mulder: No. I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals.

Scully: You're so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology.
Mulder: Are you coming on to me, Scully?

[Teaching Scully to hit a fastball]
Mulder: What you may find is you concentrate on hitting that little ball, the rest of the world just fades away. All your everyday nagging concerns. The ticking of your biological clock. How you probably couldn't afford that nice, new suede coat on a G-woman's salary. How you threw away a promising career in medicine to hunt aliens with a crackpot -- albeit brilliant -- partner. Getting into the heart of a global conspiracy. Your obscenely overdue triple-x bill. Oh, I'm sorry, Scully, those last two problems are mine, not yours.

Scully: Spontaneous human combustion.
Mulder: [grinning] Scully.
Scully: Well, isn't that where you were going with this?
Mulder: Dear Diary, today my heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested spontaneous human combustion.
Scully: Mulder, there are one or two somewhat well-documented cases. [Mulder nods, grinning.] Mulder, shut up.

 

[Zoltar]

"The truth is out there"

 

[SendTrash]

those are swee quotes, thanks

 

[JimmyEatWorld]

"I like pie" - Mulder

 

[shawnmos]

funny

 

[guyver01]

This sunday had the BEST quote!!

Mulder: Ok.. lets vote. All Against?
(The lone gunmen raise their hand,as well as scully)
Mulder: Well.. This is America, where even if you get the most votes,it doesnt mean you win.

or something along that line...

I was ROFL!

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

From Humbug:

Block: Did you know that through the protective practice of Tiea Bu Shan, you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?
Mulder: Oh, I'm doing that as we speak...

Mr Nut: Just because I'm not of so-called average height does not mean I must receive my thrills vicariously. Not all women are attracted to overly tall, lanky men such as yourself. You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring.
Mulder: You'd be surprised how many men do as well.

From my all-time favorite episode, Jose Chung's From Outer Space:

Cop: Well, thanks a lot! You really BLEEPED up this case!
Scully: Well, of course he didn't actually say 'bleeped', he said...
Chung: No need to elaborate. I'm quite familiar with law enforcement... vernacular.


From Blood:

Frohike: So Mulder, where's your little partner?
Mulder: She wouldn't come. She's afraid of her love for you.
Frohike: She's tasty.
Mulder: You know, Frohike, it's men like you who give perversion a bad name.

From War of the Copraphages:

Scully: Mulder, I think the only thing more fortuitous than the emergence of life on this planet is that, through purely random laws of biological evolution, an intelligence as complex as ours ever emanated from it. The very idea of intelligent alien life is not only astronomically improbable, but, at its most basic level, downright anti-Darwinian.
Mulder: Scully, what are you wearing?

Mulder: One day, back when I was a kid, I was climbing this tree when I noticed this leaf walking towards me. It took forever for me to realise that it was no leaf.
Scully: A praying mantis?
Mulder: Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany. And as a result I screamed. And not... not a girly scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited.
Scully: Mulder, are you sure it wasn't a girly scream?

From Arcadia:

Win Shroeder: So how was your first night? Peaceful?
Mulder: Oh, it was wonderful. We just spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats. Isn't that right, Honeybunch?
Scully: That's right, Poopyhead.

From Moebius:

Mulder: I woke up, I opened my eyes, I was soaking wet. It's a long story, but I had the distinct sensation that I had lived that moment before.
Scully: Well, you may have. Did you do a lot of drinking in college?

From The Unnatural:

Scully: Mulder, it is such a gorgeous day outside. Have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?
Mulder: I have seen the life on this planet, Scully, and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere. Did you bring enough ice cream to share with the rest of the class?
Scully: It's not ice cream. It's a Non-Fat Tofutti Rice Dreamsicle.®
Mulder: Ugh! I bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that. You sure know how to live it up, Scully.
Scully: Oh, you're Mr Live-it-up, Mulder, you're really Mr Squeeze-every-last-drop-out-of-this-sweet-life, aren't you? On this precious Saturday you've got us grabbing life by the testes, stealing reference books from the FBI library in order to go through New Mexico newspaper obituaries for the years 1940 to 1949, and for what joyful purpose?
Mulder: Looking for anomalies, Scully. Do you know how many so-called flying disc reports there were in New Mexico in the 1940s?
Scully: I don't care. Mulder, this is a needle in a haystack. These poor souls have been dead for 50 years. Let them rest in peace. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Mulder: No, I won't sit idly by as you hurl cliches at me. Preparation is the father of inspiration.
Scully: Necessity is the mother of invention.
Mulder: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
Scully: Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may die.
Mulder: I scream, you scream, we all scream for Non-Fat Tofutti Rice Dreamsicles.

From Exelsis Dei:

Mulder: Whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine.
Scully: Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all the other videos that aren't yours.

 

[Boogak]

LOL, those are funny. Methinks I should start watching it again.

 

[CQuinn]

I forget the episode - (1st or 2nd season)

Mulder looking at the aftermath of a scientist who had been killed by dunking
his head in a tank of Liquid Nitrogen and smashing it with a hammer...

Mulder: Well, you'll never see that on Beakman's World.