Best way to bring up the question of "us"?

[amnesiac]

I've been dating this girl for three weeks and I think it's about time I talked to her about getting into a serious relationship. Anyone want to toss in their two cents on how I should do this? It'll be my 4th relationship but the FIRST where i've actually had to take initiative.

The current iteration of the "question" goes something like "I've been trying to take is slow till now so you don't feel pressured...but I really like you and I'd like to have something more serious between us, so I was wondering how you felt about us?"

I don't know why I'm so nervous about this either. I really like this one.

 

[Nitemare]

Looks like she doesn't know what to do either...

link

 

[amnesiac]

True, but she's trying to bring up the subject of liking the guy in the first place. The "mutual like'" here has already been established, it's just a matter of seeing if this girl is ready for a relationship.

 

[WA261]

dude....you must be young....3 weeks is way to quick for jack....maybe after you have been seeing her a few months you can bring it up....if you do now (i think) she will think you are a freak...




only fools rush in

 

[Croton]

say
"so wassup wit us b*tch? you my ho or what?"

 

[amnesiac]

*sigh* Thanks Croton.

WA261 - I'm asking her if she wants to be my girlfriend (i.e. mutual agreement to date exclusively) not if she wants to marry me, for pete's sake.

 

[sublime79]

<< say "so wassup wit us b*tch? you my ho or what?" >>


That's the one

 

[Hammer]

I think you should avoid a serious relationship at all costs.

 

[Zwingle]

Don't do it.....date as many women as you can.....I saw a bumber sticker the other day......

Buying a computer is like getting married, wait a little longer and a better one comes along ..... or something like that.

So many ho's, so little time.......

 

[WA261]

i see....i have forgotten what that was like....you will get to a stage when its "dating"...that is more of what i was refing to...

easy way would be to bring up another woman (your case girl) ;-) ..say that likes you, but you are not sure if you should go after her cuz you dont know whats up with your relationship with her (the one you want)

 

[amnesiac]

Ugh, don' wanna make this girl jealous. That's not my style. THanks tho.,

 

[fastz28]

3 weeks isn't that much time.

Dude, you sounded like a girl. :Q NEVER, EVER, bring up exclusivity, let her do it.

Go ahead if you want to scare her away. In fact, that's what I say when I want to dump a girl.

 

[Grinchy]

Quit trying to control the relationship. it will develop or not on its own time. just have fun each day and focus on that. soon enough all that other stuff will become clear.

I used to be a big fan of talking it all out and always 'knowing', but it is far better to feel. What have you secured, anyway, if you are exclusive? The right to dump or be dumped? Remember you can only control your committment level, she will always only control hers. If you begin to treat the relationship as committed, she will too, or she'll put the brakes on and you can see what she wants, no need to talk about it. Just be in the relationship.

But I'm new to dating after an 8 year failed marriage. So I've got a different perspective. Just think autonomy. If the relationship can survive with you both being independent, and doing what you want, then you actually have something.

 

[amnesiac]

You're probably right, Grinchy. I think I've been too focused on my fear of letting this one get away, and what better way to scare her off than to get too close, right? I think I'll wait it out and see how things go from here.